Post # 1
I am experiencing a lot of pressure all around from different people. But there is one person that I’m feeling pressure from the most: my mother. I feel like she is re-living her wedding experience through me and therefore she wants me to do and use a lot of the same things as she did with her wedding. It wouldn’t be such a big deal to say no to her if it wasn’t for the fact that…. she’s contributed a hefty amount of money to the wedding fund.
Don’t get me wrong; some of the things she’s suggested or presented to me from her day I have absolutely fallen in love with and decided to use (i.e. ring bearer pillow). However, this has lead to endless questions about “do you want to use my head dress or veil?” “Why don’t you like this idea?” “Why are you going to take pre-wedding pictures?” It has lead to many arguements and strong, STRONG disagreements.
Have you experienced this? What should I do?
Post # 3
Oh boy…I stopped reading at head dress…LOL!
My FI and I are paying for our wedding, but I am an encore bride and my first-time was very similar to yours. You hit the nail on the head, she is reliving her bridal days through you.
I think the best way to cope is to understand that she wants to make you happy. And the best way she knows how is to offer you the same things that have made her happy in the past. When you are faced with a dilemma, try to look at things from her point of view and argue from her end. For example, taking pre-wedding pictures. Not only is it more convenient for everyone, but it is also more cost-effective for her. There will be no need to extend cocktail hour while guests wait for the bridal party to finish with pictures. There will be no risk of having to pay the photographer overtime for extra hours used, etc.
As for the head dress…I’m still thinking about that one.
Post # 4
Honestly, I think your best bet is to talk less with her about the details. If she suggests something, you can say, “Oh, I’ll have to think about that,” and then move on to another topic. Then do as you want.