Post # 1
- Wedding: February 2015 - Powel Crosley Estate, Sarasota, FL
Okay, I promise I am not ever one to rant or complain – but I’m PMSing a little, and am starting to get increasingly annoyed about the pressure the FI and I are getting on choosing a date. Some family members and friends are even saying things like, “Well, make sure you don’t pick the Xth of X month – because I already have a wedding to attend that day.” … who does that?!
And others are pressuring us so they can figure out “if they can schedule other vacations off from work”. I get that we need to let people know once we actually do have a date – but am I crazy for thinking that it’s inconsiderate to ask us to pick a date based on “other plans” that our would-be guests might have?!
I try my hardest to be polite and tell them that we’ll let them know as soon as we have a date – but I’m losing my patience.
We’re having to save for a wedding ourselves (no family help), and have had some household problems pop up (i.e. a $4k air conditiong repair) that are putting things on hold. The pressure is just adding more stress to an already stressful situation.
Sorry for the lengthy rant, but it feels good to let it all out. Thanks, ladies! 🙂
Post # 3
@FutureLadyL: YES! Choosing a date was the hardest part for FI and I, everyone seemed to have an issue with any day we picked! We even had to move the wedding TWICE! Ugh! This time though we just picked the date we wanted (Jan 17, 2015) and if people don’t like it they can just deal!
Post # 4
@FutureLadyL: Just reply “When we choose a date we will let you know” and end the convo.
IT seems like people have legit reasons. The one person already has a wedding and doens’t want to miss yours. Also, people do have to request time off work to travel.
The final date is up to you and your FI.
Post # 5
@FutureLadyL: Yes, I think that is very rude!
We went through something similar. We got engaged in 2012 and knew we would be engaged for a while so we could save up. We intended to pay for the entire thing ourselves (we have since had family offer to pay for random things).
We got some pressure from people. Anytime someone would ask I would explain that we are saving up etc. It got so annoying.
Post # 6
@FutureLadyL: Just tell them “We are enjoying being engaged. As soon as we have news to share we will let you know” and be done with. I give parents a pass at asking but everyone else can go kick rocks. I get your excited and all but please leave me alone LOL.
Post # 7
I know it feels rude, but I truly think that people are just excited for you and want to know the details so they can plan to help you celebrate. It’s a lot to take in, I know. Just try to give them the benefit of the doubt if you can. 🙂
Post # 8
@FutureLadyL: UUGG I totally feel you!! Its SO RUDE!!! I have been engaged for just over a month and I have many family members that will need to buy airfare I understand giving then plenty of time to get a good price but come on! I even had an aunt call and say the prices are cheap for such and such a week could we plan it then?
Post # 9
The above posters offered some good advice. We just now set our date, but I made sure to call/text all the VIPs (wedding party, parents and siblings) to make sure they didn’t already have plans that day, just in case. Everyone else will get advance notice via Save the Dates or word of mouth. If they can come, awesome! If not, I’ll be sorry to hear that, but we don’t want to move the date around. We set our date as a Friday and are well aware that some people might not be able to attend because of it. We’re fine with that and are confident in our decision. I feel as though those who really want to come will work it out somehow, and we’re sending our Save the Dates earlier than normal to make sure people have enough time to plan and make that decision.
You can’t please everybody with every decision that you make. As long as you host your guests properly and make sure that they’re well-fed and comfortable on the day of your wedding, just do what’s best for you and your fiance!
Post # 10
I think you have to understand them too… they want to be able to attend your wedding, and are excited about, even though they might come off too overbearing. And when you are ready to decide on a date, you SHOULD be the most important people in your life to make sure the date isn’t a problem. If you don’t, and your mom or sister or best friend already has a commitment they can’t get out of, you’ll probably feel bad not having them at your wedding.
You definitely should take your own time with it, and it is wrong for them to push you so hard, but the further you get into planning a wedding you begin to realize it isn’t just about you and your fiance, but everyone who is involved in your life, and they are excited too.
Post # 11
@FutureLadyL: I think so many people have problems like this! And it is such a shame because a date should be chosen for good reasons, not just to avoid making someone unhappy.
Our original date was September 13 2014 (we got double booked so got a new venue but had to change our date) and everyone had issues. First my dad didn’t like it because he thought 13 was unlucky, mum didn’t like it because it was my uncle’s birthday, and nanna didn’t like it because she hoped we would have a winter wedding like she and my mum did. In Australia August is Winter, so when we had to change our date there were really only dates left in August and November, so we picked August since it was only a 2 week date difference. Now my mum is complaining it may be windy because it is late winter!
You just cannot please everyone. Go for what you want and what makes you happy! We like our new date because it means our honeymoon will be the start of spring and we will have a slightly more unique date, but in the end you cannot please everyone.