Pressure from FI over Bridal shower- vent

posted 3 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

How irritating …. these friends arent even family members or anything and if you dont want them there dont have them there. Id be pissed and FI would know about it. 

If hes really wants them to be involved tell him to invite them to his stag night. 

Post # 4
Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ooh I would be PISSED that he pulled that shit in front of his mom. You two are about to become husband and wife, and he’s sharing your disagreements with his mommy in hopes that she’ll take his side and they can gang up on you? And that’s without even getting into the fact tht he needs to man up and deal with any ‘fallout’ without complaint – why does he not care at sll about you getting the bridal shower you want, or the fact that he’s being totally rude by trying to add people onto the guest list for a party your sister is hosting?

 

Have you two talked about this since his mom left?

Post # 5
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Ozziebee:  I would be very annoyed with my FI. It is your bridal shower and they are not close friends or family of yours. Why does he think its ok to force you into inviting his friends to your party when he isn’t inviting your male friends and family to his?? You need to address the fact that he brought up a disagreement in front of his mother in hopes that she would agree with him. That is extremely immature and a big no go!

Post # 6
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee

@Ozziebee:  just invite them. It’s not like there are 9 of you- 40 is a fairly large number. Sometimes in life it is better to be gracious and inclusive. I mean, seriously, you are being hard on him about such a MINOR thing. These people are important to him, include them. 

Have you ever heard of “picking your battles”? This is not a mountain to die on. 

Post # 9
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ozziebee:  Honestly, I think you should invite them.  These people are good friends of his and I think he just wants them to feel included and for you to get to know them.  I think it would be a very nice gesture to invite them and clearly it would mean a lot to your FI.  I really don’t see what the big deal is.   30 people is too many to have a “close and intimate” party.  I had about 20-25 people at one of my showers and between opening gifts, eating lunch, and playing games, there wasn’t a huge amount of time to chit chat with everyone.  It was not intimate.  Intimate would be

FWIW, we invited some of my H’s/MIL’s familiy friends to one of my showers.  I hardly knew them but it was very nice to meet them and talk to them for a bit.  MIL spent most of her time visiting with them while I visited with my other friends, but I know everyone appreciated that they were invited.  Remember, you guys are going to be a familiy and his friends are probably going to be your friends.

 

Post # 10
Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Just wanted to add a response to PPs feelings that this isn’t a thing to make a big deal about or the hill to die on…the bridal party invite list may not be, but the second he pulled his mom into the argument he made it a hill to die on! Because if he is going to bring in his mom to agree with him and tell her all about it when the two of you disagree…well, that just sounds like a nightmare for your future!

Post # 11
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ozziebee:  I would not want these women there. My bridal shower was two weeks ago, it was very intimate and full of people I am close to. I would not have been comfortable with people who I find intimidating and who are not friends of mine or family members. These women are invited to your wedding, that’s enough. He can include them in his bachelor party festivities since they are his friends. 

Post # 12
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I don’t see why he would care so much about this…and I doubt the women care either, but I would probably invite them just to pacify him. Its not as though you are having an intimate bridal shower, you probably won’t even really care that they are there among 30 other people.

Post # 13
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Out of curiousity, how did his mom react?

I think you have a lot working in your favor.

The party is at your Mum’s, and you said 40 was pushing it.  He wants to add 4 more- that’s a 10% increase.  Nope.

Your shower is being hosted my your sister… So she should get the “final say” in who’s invited.  Have you talked to her about this?

You can argue the circle thing.  Well, I was only inviting family and close friends.  Now I have to invite people you aren’t my close friends, so I should invite these non-close friends too.

So really, if you don’t want them there, you have lots of reasons to back you up.

However… in your position, I would have invited them.  But where I live, bridal showers are actually just wedding showers, and the FI is “required” to attend as well, which means he does get a say in the invite list, meaning yes, his female friends are invited.  If he was going to your party, I would say the same.  If he’s not, he shouldn’t.

Post # 14
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Ozziebee:  I don’t think he should be pressuring you to invite them. What does he have to say about not inviting your guy friends to his bachelor party?! Honestly I think it’s odd he’s so fixated on this.

Post # 15
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why does he care? I don’t get it? I’ve never heard of man giving a damn about invitees to bridal shower. Trey weird.

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