Pressure on kids these days (kinda of a rant)

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think a lot of people just want their kids to be such great people and sometimes they just don’t know how else to express it, so it comes across as this daunting and relentless pressure.

– am the child of an overexpectant parent. I grew up thinking you had to do everything great. Preferably best, but at the very least very good. I spent years ashamed of the A’s and B’s I got in school because they weren’t all A’s. I felt like my Mom was ashamed too, my big brother (6 years my senior) was always so good at school and me, well, I have skills that don’t fall in line with getting straight A’s.

Do I appreciate the pressure? No, not really. But I don’t think I’d be the same person I am today without it. I had to fight against my Mom really hard to break the cycle and I learned a lot about myself in that process. And to be perfectly honest, I think that there would be things that I wouldn’t have done as well without the pressure. Sure, they push too hard sometimes. But I think all the parents that push too hard have good intentions. They want good for their kids, the best. Sometimes its too much (all the time maybe) 

The unrelentless pressure is something I held against my Mom for a long long time and I am starting to come to terms with where she is coming from and why her actions did not really reflect her intentions to me. Its all misguided confusion. Its a desperate need to help your kids be all they can be and its daunting for them too!

I’m not saying anyone SHOULD pressure there kids like this of course. I will raise my kids very differently than I was raised but I like to remember that her heart is GOOD and its hard to hold such good intentions against someone.

 

Post # 4
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am yet another child of overzealous parents. And yes it has made me who I am today. But there is good and bad to that. I accomplish everything I set my mind to. I have excellent grades, internships and reviews. 

 

The bad side is it has never afforded me the ability to fail. I always felt like I had failed them. The pressure to be perfect at everything led to me breaking down every exam period in my first year of university, and pursuing a degree I hated for two years just to keep my parents happy. 

 

Despite all this, I truly have the best support system in the world. They are not easy on me, but by trying and struggling sometimes I got to learn that they really have my back. That is nice to know. 

Post # 5
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I know what you mean. My parents have been great, they tell me to do my best and I do alright. In 6th grade I wasn’t a music genius and I got a C- for that class, no big deal. It’s passing.

 

My friend however, gets a B+ and she’s almost in tears. Yes, her mom did ground her.

 

With this being said I don’t think this is necessarily something that’s just started to happen. Like in the 50’s there was pressure for girls to get married as soon as possible. Social media/ the dawn of the technological age just emphasizes it more with TV shows and facebook posts.

Post # 6
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@tynakinnon:  Very fitting posts. Today is results day in the UK. Teenagers will find out if they got into their uni of choice, if they managed to get their three (or more) A* grades

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@yorkiemad00:  Exceedingly fitting! I have a very dear friend whose son will get his A Level results today. She’s lovely but has completely ridiculous expectations and has already said that the last 18 years will be a failure on her part if he doesn’t get straight A*s across the board. 

He’s a bright and clever boy but if his results aren’t what she is pinning her hopes on, I fear that her expectations may have had an influence.

It’s great to want your children to do the best they can. But you can’t live your life through them and there comes a point when you need to respect this and let them follow their dreams. Even if these aren’t the dreams you’d dreamed up!

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