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Alright bees I have a question... Let me preface by saying that I know all of the benefits of breastfeeding even if it is just for the first couple of weeks. I've thought about it extensively but in my heart I just know its not going to work for our situation. I have to go back to work very quickly after the baby is born and there is no possibility of being able to pump work so I've known for quite a while it wasn't going to happen. My husband is okay with this decision and my doctor has been understanding as well. I'm concerned about the pressure from the nurses or hospital staff and I'm not sure how to combat this. I also wonder if I should bring the bottles I plan to use in order to avoid nipple confusion or just go with what they have. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
I nursed all 4 of my kids, but not all my friends have. Of my friends who chose to bottle feed, not one of them was pressured into trying to nurse by hospital nurses/staff.
If you don't want to breastfeed don't. I'm pro breastfeeding and doing everything to make it possible, but sometimes it just won't work. That being said, I would try it even for the couple of days you are in the hospital if you can. If not, stand your ground and don't let someone pressure you into doing what doesn't work for you.
one of our friends is a brilliant woman. she has multiple degrees, is a partner is one of this country's leading accounting firms and was left a crying emotional wreck with her first child because she could not breastfeed. she tried and tried and tried and was told she wasnt trying hard enough and her baby wasnt thriving and she was still told she could do better and when she finally switched to formula she said she felt like a failure and actually had to have councilling because of how it affected her
child #2 and she tried and same problem but this time she switched to formula asap and both mother and child were happy and she was confident enough as a mother this time round to say to hell to anyone that wanted to judge her
i hope you do whats best for both you and your baby when the time comes
Yeah, I'm gonna have to throw it out there that even if you only feed the baby the colostrom for the first couple days, it's better than formula from the start. Every little drop helps.
But the hospital staff shouldn't pressure you either way. They are supposed to ask your preference and assist you with it. If you decide you don't want to even start BFing at all, just tell them when you go into labor. Afterwards, if they try to encourage you to try and you really really don't want to, just thank them for the advice and ask them to leave the room. Generally they don't waste their time with women who don't want the advice because they are busy with all the first time moms learning BFing anyway. If you are 100% sure you don't want to do it at all, then put it on your birth plan.
@eloping: This is exactly the type of pressure I'm afraid of. I've even been told by people that I must be a failure at my profession (childcare) because I'm choosing not to breastfeed.
I really wish more people would realize that everyone has different circumstances and different beliefs and that no matter what I'm going to do what I feel is best for my situation.
@nut9108: Thank you for your response. I honestly think that since breastfeeding would not last more than a few days for me it would be best to get my baby used to formula asap and avoid any unnecessary confusion.
@BanditGirl: I wish I could believe that would be the case, but from local word of mouth and a lot of what I've read it seems I'll get atleast some comments about my choice unfortunately.
I'm in Canada, so maybe it's a Canadian thing that they don't pester moms over their decision?
I breastfed my child and so did my niece and she returned to work a mere week after having the baby! However, most of my friends bottle-fed and none were really pressured to breast-feed.
BanditGirl, down here (australia) only 3 weeks ago they were talking about making breastfeeding compulsory by law *roll eyes* we cant even stop little kiddies being molested or people being murdered but lets go after those that emotionally need an incredible amount of support at that time of their lives!
sorry but it steams me big time, im all for natural is best and go breast but not all women can breastfeed so they shouldnt be made to feel worse about it
sorry for the soapbox rant - i saw my friend go thru hell and it still hurts
@BanditGirl: thats surprising banditgirl - my sister and cousins have had babies this year and both of them reported incredible pressure from the nursing staff and lactation consultants - my cousin had no trouble but my sister had to supplement for 4 days early on, and the LLL woman who came to assist her basically berrated her for not trying hard enough.
ETA: sister and cousin are in Toronto - both delivered at women's.
I dont' have a baby so i'm not sure where i stand...i'm glad breastfeeding has become the choice of most woman, because i know the immunological benfits of it - but alot of the things i've heard are quite scary. I've already said to my fiance that he is to eject any nurses or lactation consultants that are mean to me immediately - and we are not planning on TTC for at least 2 years!
@bluespurrs: I understand that its possible for most women to continue work and breastfeeding but it wouldn't work in my situation. I teach preschool in a center that only staffs 3 teachers and then 1 additional person comes in for about 2 1/2 hours a day to cover our lunch breaks. I'm soley responsible for my class and don't receive any breaks other than a lunch break midway through the day (which is usually spent eating lunch with older children in another teacher's classroom just to get a break from my children) We have a hard enough time figuring out bathroom breaks during the day let alone a time or a place I could go to pump.
@eloping: Wow, mandatory?? That is a very strange law. How on earth would you enforce that, ban formula??
@LpCutiPie: If you have friends and family around who won't be judgemental, you can also ask them to talk to the hospital staff instead. So if the lactation consultant comes down, your DH could tell him/her you won't need their services. It helps if you have support of your own!
Also, I only pumped at lunch and at the end of the day. The books said like every 2 1/2 hours, but that wasn't possible for me. But I've seen the tight schedules at the day care and I can appreciate how little time you get and how unpredictable it can sometimes be. And they don't give you any maternity leave? That's sad.
@MightySapphire: Unfortunately my DH isn't very assertive but I think in this case he's going to have to suck it up and help me out. I'm usually the aggressive one as far as following through and not getting pressured into things but I have a feeling that after dealing with labor and pain meds (if necessary) things may be slightly different. I will definitely talk to DH about backing me up in this case and maybe even ask my Dr if he can note it on my chart or something. Thanks again for the advice.
ETA: My boss is very relaxed about how much time we take off but financially I need to go back to work within 3 weeks or so if possible in order to preserve some savings, etc. Also I'd like to go back to finish out the year with my class and see them off for a good summer (these are all teacher's kids so they're not in attendance over the summer and I work at a different location for those weeks) I've thought about talking to my boss about going back part time and then my position on BFing would possibly change but I can't make that decision fully until I look closer at finances after income taxes, etc.
At the risk of sounding harsh, I have to say that with all the known benefits of breastfeeding I truly cannot fathom why (if you are physically able to) a mother wouldn't do everything in her power to provide her child with breast milk. I personally just don't think that being busy is a good enough excuse not to breastfeed and/or pump when we know the immunological headstart it can provide. If I had to pump at lunch, after work, before bed and in the middle of the night I would.
@Dollygold: I appreciate your opinion and think that in many cases breastfeeding is a great choice. For me however it just isn't. I think it would benefit my child more for me to go with a choice that I am 100% comfortable and confident with than for me to be stressed out and feeling pressured and out of sorts.
Hmm...if finances are a big issue, I may change my advice a little and recommend that you maybe BF until you go back to work at least. Formula is just so expensive...we had to use it for two days and I was shocked at how much that little bit of formula cost! (We had to use the ready-to-eat kind though, so maybe powder is cheaper?) If money is tight, BFing for even two weeks might save you a lot of money. A four pack of formula cost $10! That lasted two days! I had no idea it cost so much, and I was more than happy to get back on the BFing wagon.
Looking at your edit, I'd agree that you should take a close look at finances to see what's possible. Everybody is different.
Are you going to breastfeed while your on maternity leave? If so I would just BF then and when you go back to work start formula then. It is easier for a baby to drink out of a bottle than from the breast so I owuldnt worry about that too much. Nipple confusion only occurs when you mix feed, so as long as at one time you only are doing one method then 'nipple confusion' won't occur.
That said, when I was in hospital I mixed fed due to problems with my nipples (bub was too rough) and he never had nipple confusion. The midwives and doctors never criticised this decision as they were the ones to offer this solution to me (I am in Australia so hospitals policies are probably different). My DS has been fully breastfed since then however.
I think it is totally YOUR decision how you feed YOUR child, don't let anyone else's negative comments change what you and your Dh chose to do. Pumping breastmilk while your at work is going to be very hard. To know how much milk to pump and how often is hit and miss sometimes, and especially if your working I think that you having to wake up in the middle of the night to pump bottles is going to be so draining.
I hate how other women are so harsh to other women, when really we should be supporting each other because motherhood can be hard enough as it is without your fellow woman making you feel guilty that your not doing good enough.
Whatever you chose to do your going to be a great mum to your child, just make the decision that works for your family. Sorry for the extra long post!
We have factored formula into our budget and may even start stocking up in advance to be able to provide. Another option is looking into seeing if we qualify for formula through WIC but as of right now we just plan to take care of it ourselves since this is a choice not a necessity at this point.
the problem with stocking up in advance is that your bub might have an allergy or be senstive to a brand - make sure you keep the receipts
and i think (not confirmed) you can apply for WIC once you are pregnant as fresh produce and milk/cheese ect is inc in the wic program
My dr. asked during one of my appts. what I preferred and then the nurses asked once at the hospital. After that there was no pressure and I received a diaper bag with samples and coupons for formula.
Formula is expensive, but if it is what works best for you then go for it and don't let anyone make you feel bad for it. Only you know what is best for you and your baby. My mom breast fed 2 and formula fed 2, we all turned out fine. Rarely sick and straight A students. :) My daughter is sick maybe once a year and too smart for her own good. She has one allergy and it's the same as one of my sisters (breast fed sister). My sister tried breast feeding her first child and suffered through it for a month, it was so hard on/for her. Her second child she did formula right away and the only problem his has is that he's a rotten boy. ;)
The reason I felt the need to share my experiences is because I think women who formula feed sometimes need to hear everything will be okay and get that reassurance. Good luck to you. Congrats. Enjoy the time off you do get.
Have you done the hospital tour or taken any classes yet? You might get some information there on the policies and whether you should bring your own bottles.
Personally, I think that breastfeeding while on maternity leave would give your child a huge advantage and would really strengthen his/her immune system. Even if you pump and use bottles to avoid nipple confusion, if you are worried about that. You can rent a pump from most hospitals for the time you're off from work for a much lower cost than purchasing one or even lower than buying formula.
I work as a social worker in a residential facility, so I know what you mean about working in a situation that makes it difficult to pump. At the place I used to work I shared an office and had meetings twice a week that were 3-4 hours long. My schedule was not at all predictable. My friend and coworker there wasn't able to continue pumping when she returned to work because of the schedule. Thankfully when I changed jobs I have my own office, so I'm hoping to make it work, but we'll see.
I second what a previous poster said about not stocking up on formula. You don't know if there will be sensitivities or allergies that might cause you to have to try different formulas. I'd say the same for bottles too. There can be a big difference in flow and nipple shape/size, so the advice I've gotten is to get a few different kinds to try out until you figure out what will work.
I would just be straightforward with the hospital staff.
However, I personally am super pro-breastfeeding because it is associated with (among other things of course) higher intelligence later in life. Also, I have heard it is linked to reducing the risk of breast cancer in the mother. I know I probably shouldn't say anything, and that you probably have made up your mind and I cannot change that, but I still wanted to say something just in case :)
You know I was just thinking...if anything I actually felt like the hospital was pushing me to feed formula. The whole time they kept asking to feed MB while I was sleeping and the whole time I kept insisting I was BFing and they were not allowed to feed her. I ended up rooming her in just in case they tried to sneak her a bottle. Then when I checked out they gave me a huge bag full of formula samples. It was very strange. Like I had to keep reminding them that I didn't want formula.
So maybe your hospital will be really supportive of you and provide you with tons of formula as well!
Don't let anyone pressure you either way. I would just make my decision known and stick to it. The doctors at my hospital never once questioned when I said I wanted to both bottle and breastfeed. They had small bottles already there with disposable nipples, but I would just ask and see what the hospital has to say about it.
Formula is expensive, but there are ways to get discount coupons that really help with the cost if you chose to go this route. You can always stock up when you find out which brand works for your baby.
A suggestion, though you certainly don't have to do it, is to get the ready-made formula first. You just pour it into a bottle, and you don't spend as much money for a can of ready-made (usually around $5, give or take) as you do for a container of the powder (can be as much as $20 or more for the big containers). That way you can see which works best, and you haven't spent a crazy amount of money on formula that doesn't work.
Man, with all of the formula coupons I feel like I've acquired amongst other baby-related literature, I almost feel inundated with people telling me to not BF!
I'm in DC, and while I haven't had to deal with this yet (due in April), I've heard that my docs and hospital are very much like "ok, what would you like to do regarding feeding?" and help you set up whatever system you're going for (i.e. little to no pressure).
You shouldn't need to justify your decision to anyone, whether on these boards or at the hospital- you'll make the decision that's right for you, and if you're firm with that, everyone should respect it.
Thanks again for all the suggestions ladies! I will definitely speak more in depth with the hospital about this during the tour. I just wanted to be prepared as to what I may face when it came to this. Once again I want to reitterate that I do understand the benefits of breastfeeding. I do believe their are some real benefits to it but I also think parts of it are subjective. My mom is 1 of 4 children (2 boys 2 girls) The older 2 were breastfed and the younger 2 were not. My grandmother has often said that throughout school and even now as adults she never really found much of a difference in their immune systems or intelligence levels. With that being said I do believe breastfeeding does boost both of these but so does being a thorough parent who spends lots of one on one educational time with their child. I think its impossible to do everything that is recommended and that a parent has to pick and choose what is in the best interest for their situation.
While I wouldn't make the same choice for myself, it sounds like you will do fine with the pressure. You've managed to be calm and respectful of some of the previous posters who disagree with your choice, so I think you'll be fine :)
That said, you might not want to dismiss the lactation consultant immediately. I'm not sure about this but I think that by not nursing at all you can develop a painful breast infection from the milk supply backing up. You might want to let the lactation consultant know what your plans are and ask what she recommends to help you avoid infection. Those infections sound very painful so it would be good to avoid it!
It seems that most hospitals deal with a variety of choices, most of my friends haven't said they've received pressure either way except to receive information about the benefits of breast feeding while being handed samples and coupons for formula. This has been my experience too while pregnant, I've already received the samples while also just being briefly told about the benefits of breastfeeding. I honestly haven't found the doctors office to be a tremendous resource, our visits are really brief and they talk a mile a minute so for I think it's best to educate yourself and then ask questions to the doctor/hospital staff. There is also another option of pumping for a short time and giving your baby a bottle of breast milk instead of direct breastfeeding. It can be more convenient for you and get the baby used to a bottle while still giving the baby the benefits of breastfeeding.
I work as a nurse in NICU at the hospital, and while I have heard a co-worker lay a guilt trip on a mom once for opting to formula feed, most of us do a little happy dance when a baby is formula fed because it makes our job 1 million times easier. ETA this: it is easier because it simply kills your back and eats up about 4 times more time to help a mom breastfeed, rather than give her a bottle to give the baby.
I am pro-breastfeeding for myself, but I will ask once about breast vs formula feeding, and then go with whatever the mom says, because it isn't my job to sway you one way or another, just to do the best by your baby by balancing your preferences and its needs (yes, every once in a while, in certain baby circumstances, a formula feed or 2 might be necessary even if you want to breastfeed). ETA: Please don't bother arguing with me about the occasional necessity of a formula feed in certain circumstances, unless you want to buy and read the ACORN manual (Acute Care of the At Risk Newborn - a book used throughout North America as the golden standard for newborn resuscitation and care).
Don't wave off the lactation consultant though, because they can help you combat the engorgement that you WILL have around day 3 post partum if you choose not to breastfeed!
I didn't read through all the posts, but I understand what you mean. I haven't had children BUT from what I've read there is a push for women to breastfeed. There are benefits, but it's not right for everyone. I think people should mind their own business, hospital staff included. I would just have enough support from your family and your husband and ignore all others. Parenting is like that, a lot of people have opinions and you have to go with what is best for you and your family.
@LpCutiPie:I don't think anyone suggested it on this board (and I am offering this not as pressure but maybe as something that you would be interested in!), but if you do want to provide your baby with some of the benefits of breastfeeding you could always just BF in the morning and / or night and then provide formula during the day. That way your baby could get some of the immune and other benefits of breastmilk without you having to pump. I think nipple confusion is totally over-inflated and a baby could do very well on this kind of a schedule, especially if you can BF the first few weeks before you return to work.
I and many of my friends were never given a choice. Our doctors/nurses just assumed we would breastfeed and gave only info on breastfeeding....no info on other options. Books I bought only covered breastfeeding...no other options. I've since heard about medication that can dry up the milk so that it never comes in.
If I ever decide to have another child, I will go that route. I didnt breastfeed. My daughter is healthy, never had ear infections or any serious illnesses as a child and is at the top of her class in school. I don't believe the hype about breastfeeding. I think it's a personal choice and your child isn't going to suffer immeasurably if you choose not to do it.
Dont let anyone pressure you into a decision that isn't right for you.
I agree with Janna, that colostrum/milk is going to come in anyway! So you could do it just a few times a day if you want to give it a try... might save you a couple bucks! If not, just remember the most important thing is that you actually feed your baby... whether it be breastmilk or formula. Although I am pro-breastfeeding as well, I understand that every family is different and you need to make the best decision for your family and your sanity. The hospital staff will understand this as well.
@LpCutiPie: You know that it is actually illegal for a workplace to make it so you are unable to pump, right? Especially if an employer has a substantial amount of employees (I *think* it's either 50 or 100 employees?) they have to provide a suitable lactation room for you. Just food for thought. Why is it that you wouldn't be able to pump?
I wonder if this is a regional thing, because I'm very pro-breastfeeding but I don't know anyone who breastfeeds around here. I definitely feel like there is no pressure to do so anyway. It almost seems like the breastfeeders are the one being judged so I'm trying to prepare myself for the looks and comments I am likely to get because I am bf'ing! I already got a bottle and formula coupons in my little "goodie bag" from my OB's office. I was kind of ticked off that there was nothing in there about bf'ing. At least provide a balance you know. But anyway, if it doesn't work for you it just doesn't, so you should basically just tell everyone to mind their own business. I really doubt you'll get too much flack over it though. Good luck!
@eloping: Okay that is just CRAZY! You can't make something like that mandatory! People can't always do it. That is completely crossing the line into people's business. I'm all for educating and promoting it and providing help and support, because formula is expensive and bf'ing can be hard especially when you have no support at home, but seriously you can't tell someone they HAVE to bf.
@catalyst:just to be clear, its not hype, there is hard evidence to show its better. but you are right, no child will "suffer immeasurably" by not BFing and I don't think anyone has ever claimed they would. There are benefits to BFing that have been clearly proven but they are not life altering. Everyone needs to weigh the pros and cons on their own and make the decision that is best for them and their family
My baby is due in March. I am planning to breastfeed during the eight weeks I am home, and then I plan on switching to formula. I have no intention of lugging around a pump to work. My three siblings and I were formula fed, and so was my mother ( I just asked, frankly I had no idea up until now nor did I care) We are all fine. My husband was breastfed until he was 2 and has had horrible allergies, eczema, ear infections his whole life. Go figure.
Just a note regarding those who are upset by the formulas samples they are given: I work in NICU in a city of 70 thousand, we are very pro-breastfeeding as a hospital as a policy, and don't give formula samples unless it is requested.
I wish we would.
AT LEAST once a week, NICU gets a frantic 4 am phone call from someone whose baby isn't breastfeeding, who wants to give formula but has no formula feeding supplies, and has no idea what to do. If we sent then home with a couple pre-mixed bottles and nipples, they could give it, go back to sleep, and start over in the morning. Instead they have to drive themselves, sleep deprived, to a drug store, and then call the hospital to get formula mixing instructions!
Thanks again for all the kind words ladies! I'm trying to be brief enough in my responses to not come across as argumentative. I feel like we all have different ideas of what will work best for us and our children and I think that's great. It takes all kinds to make the world go round right?
@crayfish: I stated this previously but it's not possible to pump at my job because we work in such a small environment. My employer does employ several people but in my particular center there's only 3 of us on the clock at a time. Here's a copied version of my post above regarding this- I teach preschool in a center that only staffs 3 teachers and then 1 additional person comes in for about 2 1/2 hours a day to cover our lunch breaks. I'm soley responsible for my class and don't receive any breaks other than a lunch break midway through the day (which is usually spent eating lunch with older children in another teacher's classroom just to get a break from my children) We have a hard enough time figuring out bathroom breaks during the day let alone a time or a place I could go to pump.
@crayfish: She works for daycare. There simply aren't enough people to cover for her every time she needs to pump. She probably has to wait up to 30 minutes just for them to find someone to cover so she can use the restroom. I know my DD's daycare providers have every minute of the day scheduled for them, and they only have their lunch hour to themself. If she doesn't want to spend lunchtime pumping, then it's pretty impossible to work it into her schedule.
@Janna19: Good idea with the morning/evening BFing.
@Ms Mini: You're right about not waving away the LC. Engorgement happens to everyone, there's no way around it, and it hurts. If you're not BFing, then you'll need instructions on how to get the swelling down without continuing to make more milk. (I recommend cold cabbage leaves with a hole cut in the middle for your nipple. I have no idea how/why it works, but it does.)
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