(Closed) Pressure to conceive from Hubby!

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you are both worked up/upset and not communicating about this in a very positive fashion. You guys need to support each other more, and realize that you’re in the boat together, and that playing a blame game will not help either of you.

Post # 5
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

He needs to relax and stop pressuring you! In case he forgot making a baby is a 2 person job so you not conceiving right away could be as much him as you and he should remember that, it’s not just up to your body, it needs his sperm to be good swimmers too! If it was me, the next time he got on my case about it I’d just say maybe his sperm are slow swimmers. Maybe that will make him realize it’s both of you in this, not just you.

Post # 6
Member
2202 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Might be worth going to talk to a councillor about it? Especially if he is playing the blame game, that wouldnt fly in my marriage. It’s a lot of pressure already on women, xoxox hope you find some peace it’s not fair to you for him to have those expectations thrown at you In a not helpful manner. 

Post # 7
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well has there been any problems? If not, I would smile sweetly and say “Well we could start getting checked out to see if there is anything wrong. The first step is to get a sperm count done do you want me to see about getting an appointment set up for you?”

THAT usually shuts them up!

Post # 8
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@June232012:  Ugh! This must be so hard on you. This was one of my biggest fears when we started TTC- that my H would “blame me” if it didn’t happen. Now that I’m pregnant I worry that if something goes wrong he’ll think its my fault. Are you charting or using OPKs? I didn’t chart but I did have sex every other day and that worked for us. I’m sorry and I hope it happens for you guys soon and until then ask him to stop pressuring you! Tell him that if he stresses you out it will be even harder for you to conceive. 

Post # 10
Member
4574 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My DH had a similar breakdown a couple months ago.  We have also been trying for 7 cycles now.  All I can tell you is, not to take too personal.  I know is stressful especially when its coming from the person that you are supossed to get support from, but I dont think he means it when it comes out in such meanful way.  I know with my hubby, we talked and just talked about how we both felt and it helped us both, just to vent without attaching my uterus or his swimmers lol….GL hun and wish you the best!

Post # 11
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s very dangerous when one partner starts blaming the other partner for not being able to conceive in an “appropriate” time frame. Frustration is understandable, and so is self-blame (although that’s very damaging as well), but placing the blame on one partner, especially when there aren’t any diagnosed issues, makes things much worse. My husband and I have been TTC for almost 1.5 years now. There are many times where I think something is wrong with me. Maybe there is. I can’t imagine how hurt I would be if my husband started blaming me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. TTC is hard and emotional! I’m sure your husband didn’t mean to be hurtful. Maybe he doesn’t understand that it’s normal for healthy couples to take up to a year to conceive naturally. If he’s still in a hurry, maybe he should be proactice in setting up doctor’s appointments to see if there are any issues. Instead of saying, “why aren’t *you* pregnant yet?!” he needs to say, “what can we do differently to get pregnant.” Like you said, TTC is a two-man show, and I hope he’s more supportive.

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