Post # 1
Are any of you other 20-something brides receiving pressure to start families after you are married, perhaps before you are ready? Or even if you are ready (and it’s really none of their business)?
I’m 22. I’ll be 24 when we get married, but I personally am not ready to have kids until I am closer to 30.
But…my FI”s extended family (aunts and uncles) are already making remarks about us having kids and adding to the new generation of the family. Ahhhh. My FI’s family isn’t exactly polite/sensitive when it comes to things like this.
How do you bees feel about starting a family? Any advice for deflecting the kids comments?
Post # 3
We stopped the comments pretty early. People assumed we’d naturally be next but i’d say things like “oh hell no” with a guffaw and it just didn’t leave room for discussion. The family doesj’t bring it up anymore. they know we’;re waiting a couple years now. Sometimes i make a joke like, “sheesh, let me hit 25 first!” (i’m only 23 which i think makes it easier). Just be honest and say you don’t want them yet. You want to enjoy married life, etc. whatever. they’;ll stop. we get more prodding questions from strangers it seems. or from the lady who does my nails…her favorite question is if i’m pregnant yet.
Post # 4
FI and I will both be very close to 25 when we get married in July. He comes from a large family where both parents are one of 4 and almost every aunt and uncle has atleast 3 children. We hear all the time about how it’s been so long since there’s been a baby around and how it’d be nice for us to have a baby soon etc etc. My comebacks are usually kinda snippy and might not be the best but depending on who’s asking its usually “I think so and so provided enough kids for this family for a while so we should be able to take our time” or something of that equivalent. My family on the other hand asks about it on occassion but only because its a smaller family and it’d be my mom’s first grandchild and my grandma’s first great grand child. I can tolerate them because they don’t push it on us like his family does. I guess another alternative would be to say- Well when we’re ready and when we’re expecting we’ll let you know but until then we just want to take our time and enjoy each other before our family expands.
Post # 5
ugh! My mom is AWFUL about it. A-W-F-U-L! She gave hubby and I the downstairs bedroom so we could have “privacy” while we were there over Christmas. We were downstairs chilling for a little while and fell asleep and when we came upstairs a little while later my siblings were telling me that my mom said we were down stairs making babies. The only plus side is we got to sleep in with nobody coming down to bother us. She claims she has a feeling that we’re going to conceive in Jan or Feb. She has no idea why, she just claims it’s her “mother’s intuition” Granted, I do want kids soon. I’d be happy to have a baby now, but hubby isn’t quite ready. We’re young, and we have a lot of time. It annoys me that she is trying to “wish” a baby on us when it would be a difficult time for us. It’s like can’t she stop being selfish and see things from our side? Stop pushing! It’s even more annoying because I DO want kids right now but I know it’s not really an option right now and I hate having to wait. but ugh. I haven’t found a way to deal with her about it yet though. My other family has backed off since they know I’m going back to school and hubby is applying to grad school so they don’t mention it really. My mom on the other hand, is nuts. (I’m 22 btw, hubby 24)
Post # 6
I just turn around and say “Eh, well we want to spend time together first just enjoying being married”. As most of FH’s family (who’re the ones who’re asking) are married they usually stop and think about that and then agree with me and slink away.
Post # 7
ugh! yes, and when we get married i’ll be 28 (he’ll be 29). I feel like my “clock is ticking” and i’m still unsure if i want kids!! his mom says more frequently whenever we are with them “soon you’ll have kids..” or “when you have your kids”….. blah blah.
i’m really starting to feel the pressure but i usually just tell them i’m not even thinking about getting pregnant until after 30. thats usually the end of the convo.
Post # 8
Ahh so glad to hear I am not alone! I personally think it is so strange — sex is a really personal, intimate thing — and yet, when it comes to the baby part of it, everyone feels the right to be in your business.
Krissybee, I am like you…still kind of on the fence about whether I even want kids!
And you all are right. Being upfront is the easiest way. I think I’m mostly just astonished that we’re getting so much pressure despite the fact that we’re only 22 and still a year and a half away from the wedding!
Happy to know it’s not just me. 🙂
Post # 9
Yeah, we get some comments here and there, it’s kind of annoying because anytime I say I have a headache, stomachache, or you name is someone asks if I am pregnant. It’s also a little frustrating because we aren’t trying yet, but you don’t really want to go into all the details with people.
Post # 10
We’ll be 26 and 30 when we get married, so the pressure is definitely there. We just both say we’re planning to enjoy our marriage for a couple years before we have kids. Like a broken record, but I think our families are starting to get the idea.
Post # 11
Ugh, YES. We’re 27 and have been getting it for a few years. We don’t even want kids. My mother has even named her imaginary grandson and talks about the things she would buy for him.
Post # 12
I was twenty when I had my son..My Fi does not have any children…So, we have decided to just focus on raising my (our) son a few years before we have more children…I think we will be close to 30 before we have anymore children…
Post # 13
all. the. time.
FI’s cousins have had a lot of kids and I think his mom is ready to join the aunts in grandmother hood. But we are young… 25… Ilike to be married for a few years before we have kids.
Post # 14
We get it a lot but it is negative rather that positive. I just graduated and next is FI going back to school and we just don’t have money for kids. FI took a break from school so we could afford me to graduate and now i’m thinking of persuing graduated school in a year or two. We have a lot of negativity actually because we both don’t have degrees, good incomes and a house. We’ve had plenty of relatives flat out say “don’t get married” in more words or less. It’s rediculous. I think they all expect us to “settle down” and I have kids while FI just settles at his current job and never finish school. That could not be more wrong. We want to travel and get degrees and jobs we love and are making good money in. I’ve had too many friends from high school recently have babies, the ones who never “went off to college” and therefore have been spending the last 6 years wanting to have one, and now they are broke, with dead end, low paying jobs and with guys who aren’t exactly mature enough to be a father. I pity those girls and feel like that would be a depressing spot to be in.
We have two kitties and they are literally our children, my mom even calls them her grandkitties, It’s completely silly but they are enough for us and make us happy the way children would. No kids before 30 is my rule! I want a savings and all I have now is student debt!
Post # 15
My future in laws wanted grandkids out of us asap… lover boy was the first born. For the past year or two there have been comments here and there… expected us to be expecting by 25. I’m 23 as is he. Well, that came to a hault when his little sister declared a whoopsie!
I have a bio degree and he is in med school… we’re aware and frankly scared of the risks that come w/ older preganancies. So, I have a deadline, but I’d rather enjoy the first year or two of our future marriage before getting pregnant.
Post # 16
its the worst.
i have tried the not until im done with school. not till im 25. not ever. and yet everytime they come to my new house his mom looks in the extra room longily and says… “perfect nursery”
Really? There is absolutely ZERO furniture in there as our lack of money cannot afford furniture for an extra room let alone a baby room!!