Pressure to lose weight for the big day. Help!

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 2
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

wiscolady:  I’m going to PM you in the next couple of hours.  I struggled too but I don’t want to hang my laundry up on the thread.  I just want you to know you have support! 

Post # 4
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - On a Cliff Overlooking the Bay, Florida

I’ll send you a PM also. We can support each other!  If you want to loose weight for You then that is fine don’t feel obligated to loose weight for you wedding. I’ve known too many people to do some crazy diet and end up bridezilla cranky pants the day off cause they havent eaten in 2 weeks.

 

Post # 6
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

wiscolady:  My story:

After struggling with how I FELT (not so much how I looked, although I did not look ‘great’), I began to get healthy about 4 months before I was even engaged.  Although the wedding day, and wanting to look amazing was added motivation, it was not what motivated me then, nor is it what is motivating me now (post wedding).  Being healthy, and feeling good are still my top priorities 🙂

However, somewhere post picking my dress (about 9 months out) til when I knew it was coming in, I grew fond of hitting a certain number on the scale, and told myself I would hit THAT weight for the wedding.  That idea came and went, because a) a long/hard winter had hit, and so my fave means of exercising subsided, and b) I hate giving up calories, and c) I was kinda annoyed with myself for putting that kind of pressure on me for what??  ONE DAY?!  Oh, and d) because I stopped running outdoors, and starting doing more strength/weight training, the number crept the opposite way (but, I was more toned than ever before!)

By the time my dress came in, and I had alterations to be done, it was looser than when I had ordered it (the sample was one size smaller, and did not zip fully, so I ordered one size bigger and was swimming in it!), which meant I had dropped inches, BUT my weight was 10 pounds heavier than the day I ordered the damn dress!!!!  I have since stepped far, far away from the scale, because it clearly does not always dictate size or health…

On my wedding day, I felt amazing.  I looked healthy, but not thin (because I will never be ‘thin’), and I looked strong (in my back and arms, the parts that showed).  I have since continued strength training, and am back to running outdoors, because it makes me happy, and relieves my stress.

My friend, my very best friend, worked her butt off to get down to a magical bridal number.  She looked great on her wedding day, do not get me wrong, but was barely eating, and workign out twice/day.  Post wedding, she added some very healthy pounds to her already awesome frame, and still has a figure I only dream of having!!  However, she ‘beats’ herself up all the time about ‘how great’ she looked in the pics hung all over her house, and how she cannot seem to get back to that number no matter what she does.  Well, what she did do to be a perfect bride is almost unobtainable for a working wife, and now mother.  Let alone for anyone else.  I think she set a too high standard for her herself for the rest of her life, even though she works out 5 times a week, and eats healthy.  She wants THAT body back, but maybe, just maybe, it was a body made for one day, in an extreme way.

Hope this helps?!  VERY LONG, and I am sorry 🙂

Post # 8
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

OUgal0004:  +10000 I said the same thing to the OP in a private message.

I say better to be a knockout and healthy on your 1, 5, 10 year wedding anniversary than only have 1 day where you look like the ideal version of yourself.  Who wants to constantly have reminders of how great they USED to look hanging all over their house?

I want to look as great in pictures with my family on the beach or out fishing as I do on my wedding day!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Derp.
Post # 9
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

wiscolady:  I’m in the same boat.

I managed to stop after only a couple times and got help (falling in love with a wonderful and supportive man helped) but I briefly struggled in college with eating.  I haven’t been happy with my weight since I was 16 and my mom told me that since she didn’t want to pay to have a size 6 altered for my cousin’s wedding (I was a bridesmaid) she wanted me to “make the 4 work.”

Now, she’s making snide comments about carbs when she catches me eating a sandwich, tells me there’s too much sugar in flavored yogurt (she eats greek), and tells me that those jeans are looking tight, aren’t those the larger ones I bought you?  I also have a leg condition that is aggravated by being overweight, which she never forgets to remind me about.  When I went to her for help in college, she told me to stop being a drama queen.

I will be getting shapewear for the wedding, despite many people assuring me I don’t need it. I am sick and tired of stressing myself, excercising, and eating the day’s definition of healthy food, only to discover at the end of 6 months of this torture that I gained weight (that happened, cue the throwing up).

No, I am not trying to lose weight for the wedding.  And yes, it is exhausting that it is literally the first question most people ask me when they find out I’m getting married.  They ask it before “When?” I’ve started responding with “Why should I? I feel beautiful, FI thinks I’m beautiful, my dress looks good.”  I had one person press further, saying I should look my best.  At that point, I put her in her place.

Post # 10
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

AllyCRN:  “I will be getting shapewear for the wedding, despite many people assuring me I don’t need it.”

I know you didn’t ask for advice but I just want to say – my one and only regret on my wedding day was wearing shapewear that I didn’t need.  You can check the boards (i actually posted to the wedding day regrets thread.)  It was uncomfortable and actually made me look boxy and bulky and diminished my flattering curves.  I’ve posted pictures on here.  Trust!  My profile shots during the ceremony look ridiculous (IMO) and I ended up taking the stupid thing off an hour into the reception.  Sorry – I’ll say no more on the subject!  If I can save one bride from shapewear torture I’ve done my job!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Derp.
Post # 12
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

 

wiscolady:  What a horrible thing for a mother to do.  What is she trying to accomplish with that?  Shame her daughter?  Does she think her daughter’s figure is a reflection of her in some way?  Disgusting!

Post # 13
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

wiscolady:  I’ve had similar issues to yours – I think it’s the idea of being photographed mostly. I feel like cameras vary a lot depending on lenses used etc, and can make me look a few pounds heavier. However, if it makes you feel better, wedding photographers know exactly what equipment to use to make you look your best.

However, it is of course more important to address your body image issues. Whenever I feel bad about my body I just remember that I need my muscles and fat to operate in a healthy way, and to do things I love – yoga, ballet, hiking! I don’t feel very good when I am too skinny. What helps a lot is exercising and toning because then I am focusing more on my health and strength instead of my weight, which really means nothing.<br /><br /> It helps, for me, to think of my body as an amazing machine instead of some decoration. Ultimately I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% happy with how I look – I will always be too short, too this, too that. I can’t change those things though so I have to accept myself for who I am. It’s really hard and I always have that voice in my head, but I just have to push through it.

I am sure you will feel completely beautiful on your wedding day though, and will be so focused on your husband and friends and family that your appearance will not cross your mind : )

Derp:  this is such a good point!

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