Pressure to marry him!!!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You mention that you are a Christian. Well if you two are being intimate (I don’t know if this is the case but if you are) then isn’t it best to get married sooner? At the end of the day, it is the saying of your vows that matters most.

Post # 5
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ugh.. that bugs me. If you are not a “practicing Christian” then just say that you are NOT Christian. You either ARE, or ARE NOT.

If you are not, and your mother is bugging you about living together without being married… just ignore her… You are a grown adult and she needs to respect that you are capable of making your own life choices. I am sorta on your mum’s side about this, but then we also lived together before marrying – wasn’t ideal and didnt feel good about it a lot of the time… So I have no ground to stand on with telling you not to, and I know how hard it is to try to live seperately after living together.

Post # 6
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Go with what you feel is right, it’s hard because she is your mother but do what you/your FI wishes and would be best for the both of you. practicing

 

@EmeraldTiger:  I do not wish to sound mean or anything but you do not have to be “practicing” to be Christain. I am Roman Catholic, I was baptised and everything. I still believe in God, heaven, hell, and it all but I do not attend church. I am still Roman Catholic but I do not practice it.

Post # 7
Member
8707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m not going to nitpick semantics on whether or not you’re a Christian. You are what you feel you are (And this is coming from a “militant” atheist)

Anyway, don’t let your mother bully you. This is your life and your relationship and your decision. If you don’t feel ready/don’t want to/don’t whatever, then you shouldn’t have to do it until you are ready, or you do want to.

Tell your mother this. Tell her you love her and respect her and you want to do what is “right” by your religion (IF you feel this way), but this is something you and he want to do on your own terms. You don’t mean disrespect, you don’t mean to offend or “sin” or whatever she is accusing you of doing (or not doing).

Post # 8
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rmrsln2010:  I agree… I guess I made an assumption about the OP’s standing based on the “was raised Christian but not practicing”… I shouldnt assume things prob… I just thing that not going to church is one thing – being Christian/Catholic/whatever does not mean going to church on sundays/saturdays/whatever. It means actively following Christ. I find that when people say “not practicing Christian” they mean that they were raised Christian, and dont currently actively follow Christ.

If you believe in, and follow Christ, then I would consider you simply “Christian/Catholic”.  “Practicing/not practicing” – attending church, doesnt make someone Christian/Catholic, and NOT attending Church doesnt make someone NOT Christian/Catholic.

So… really it doesnt matter if someone is “practicing” or not. They still either ARE or ARE NOT Christian/Catholic.

 

But yeah… anyways… enough thread-jacking… 

OP – You GO Girl! I have a pushy mother too… just stand up for yourself… and have your FI back you up. You two are your own family unit regardless of marital status – Act like it – tell her to back off, that nothing she can say will make you sign the papers now, and that you are not having two weddings. Again… we were also living together before we were married and considered signing the papers before the wedding… but figured that would just be awkward and then we would have two dates to remember, and we would want to celebrate but wouldnt really be able to do so if we just signed the papers early… we just had the wedding.

@Hyperventilate:  (and what <— said was a really good way of telling your mother whats what.)

Post # 9
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@chapara09:  I was raised by a Jehovah’s witness mother, who is still hard core about her religion. The one thing I appreciate about my mom is that she doesn’t push her adjenda on me. I know that she didn’t agree with DH & I living together before marriage (so unchaperoned dates or premarital sex) but never once did she say anything to me about it. If there ever came a time that we would have needed to sleep over at her house she would have insisted that we sleep in different rooms, & that I would have respected because we would have been in her home (luckily we live in the same town so it was never an issue). 

 

I’m sorry that your mom is pushing her beliefs on you & pressuring you to marry sooner then what’s possible for you and your SO. I’d have a sit down with your mom or be firm with her next time she says something, “While I understand that you do not agree with our arrangement, FI & I have decided this is what we are going to do. I ask that you respect our decision and not bring it up again. It is NOT open for discussion or debate, we are adults and have made our decision.” 

 

Post # 10
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@chapara09:  The worst thing you can do is to get married when you and your FI don’ feel ready!  SEriouly how can any marriage survive when an outside person did all the pressuring????  Get married on your own terms when you are both ready and it feels 100% right!  You’ll regret it if you don’t do it at the right time and at your mother’s time.

 

This is my advice if you’re Christian, Muslim, Atheist, Diest, Mormon, Pagan whatever.  I got married 11 years ago when it wasn’t feeling right and there was pressure due to other types of circumstances.  To my prediction it ended (but it was a good thing for me).  You gotta go with your gut.

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