Pressured into setting a date, proposal.

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee

Not everyone has a proposal like the big stories of beaches and fancy set ups.  I think a lot of people’s story is really more like, well, we talked about it, decided to get married and went to look for a ring.  I like my parents story, my Mom says my Dad said to her, “should we get married or something?”  I would be worrying less about a proposal story and more about whether you and FI are really ready/wanting to get married or whether your mother pushed you into it. 

Post # 3
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

What was your FI’s response when you told him that you wanted a proposal and public affection? 

Also, I don’t think your mom stole your proposal away from you. You could have said that you will get engaged once you get a proposal. I know your mom would probably still harass you after that, but you were the one who agreed to be “engaged.” 

Post # 4
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

samantha.puryear:  Get married, but tell him you still want that proposal!  It’s not too late!  OR postpone the wedding until you get the proposal.  This is about you two, not your mother. 

Post # 5
Member
2791 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

You can still have your proposal and ring, you just need to express to him that you want that.  If you’re really ready to get married you deserve it. Don’t let your mom pressure you into getting married.

Post # 6
Member
3661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

As PPs said, most people don’t have some elaborate proposal and even though you are already planning a wedding, he can still propose to you with a ring later. Breaking up and getting back together to get a better proposal is silly and childish. You should be less concerned with a big proposal and wedding and more concerned with whether you are ready to get married. Your post suggests that maybe you are not and you were pressured by your mother to get engaged. Also, your last paragraph suggests that their might be a bigger issue regarding your SO not being affectionate. I would definitely take a step back and really think about whether this is what you want. 

Post # 8
Member
3661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

samantha.puryear:  First off, several people have told you that you can still have a proposal, you just need to tell him. You can have a romantic proposal without it being a public flashmob. Some people just aren’t comfortable with PDA. It appears that your SO is one of those people. If he is still showing you affection in private than it may just be that he doesn’t like PDA. If this never changes, are you ok never holding hands or kissing in public?

Post # 9
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

samantha.puryear:  Is this something you really want?  To spend the rest of your life with someone that views your desires as “not appropriate?”  If he’s uncomfortable with a public proposal, he could at very least compromise with a private, yet secretly “filmed” or “photographed” proposal.  If he won’t budge on something so simple that caters to you for a moment, I would question the relationship… this is something that should be SPECIAL, especially if that’s what YOU want.  Ideally (and hypothetically), you only get one engagement/proposal.  You shouldn’t go into a marriage thinking you’ll have a second-shot.

Post # 10
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It is not too late for him to propose.

You should not break up with him. That sounds awful. Just tell him that you think you guys started things off on the wrong foot, you put the cart before the horse or whatever you want to say. Then tell him you want to start the wedding planning over with a proposal. That you’d like to put the wedding planning on hold until after the proposal.

Have you booked anything yet? Is there money at stake? There’s no reason you can’t change the date if not.

You hsould though, consider if you want to marry someone who can’t give you the PDA you crave. That might be a legitimate problem.

I think the person you need to “break up” with is your mom. You and your boyfriend need to take life at the pace that feels right for you. No need to rush things.

Post # 11
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

Wait, you’re contemplating marriage while living free or at significantly reduced cost in the home of a parent who has “pressured” you to undertake the marriage, and you’re upset because your mother’s action has “deprived” you of a planned engagement that your BF doesn’t want to do because he dislikes PDAs?

Are you sure that’s all?

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