Post # 1
this is my first ever weddingbee post— so i have a 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister who are 11 and 7 respectively. my dad and stepmom are paying for a significant portion of the wedding. i recently had a conversation with my stepmom where she said "oh yes, and it will so cute to have jessie (my 1/2 sister) be the flower girl.
now i hadn’t planned on having any "mini" attendents, but now that she has it in her head that they are in the wedding, i’m not sure what to do. particularly because they are contributing financially to the wedding.
Post # 3
sit and chill out for a minute and think about if you really want or dont want little ones in your wedding…
if after a few days, you still dont want little ones then talk to your dad and come up with the best way to let your stepmom know…
does jessie now think she’s in your wedding from your step mom??
Post # 4
You should definately have a (nice, calm) talk with your stepmom about why she assumed your half-sister would be in the wedding. Not necessarily about whether she will be in the wedding, but about the general idea of just making assumptions rather than asking you what you would like to do. I don’t know if your stepmom makes a habit of this kind of thing (won’t it be nice? rather than wouldn’t it be nice?). If she does, this is a good time for it to stop. If she is just wedding crazy, this is a good time for that to stop!
My mom has a tendency to be more than a little controlling, so we had a nice talk right up front about how although I was really happy to have her help, and hear her ideas, I would be making my own decisions. This is the talk you and your stepmom need to have.
And after that’s all settled, maybe the question of the mini-attendants won’t come up again. But even if its still an issue, your stepmom will understand that its not just that you have it in for your half-sister, its that you get to make your own decisions about your own wedding. And she should ask, not assume. If she has somehow really stepped in it by telling her daughter that she is the flower girl, and you really don’t want a flower girl, then she will just have to tell her daughter that she was mistaken.
Post # 5
Are they coming to the wedding anyways? If they’re definitely on the guest list (which I think they are) what’s the harm? It would appease your stepmom, and wouldn’t cost you any real additional money. Plus, what else are they going to do? I’m not having any mini attendants, but I’m having a no kid wedding. I don’t think weddings are much fun for kids…
Just think about just going with it – do you actually dislike the idea or are you just got caught off guard by the stepmom? Of course I retract most of the above if you have issues with them behaving properly or being disruptive.
Post # 6
I’d just sit down and talk to step-mom and dad about it. What do you think her reaction would be if you said "Well we hadn’t yet decided if we’ll have mini-attendants, if we decide to Jessie will def have the honor (maybe??), but if we decide not to we’ll make sure Jessie knows how important she is to me and enjoys the wedding day"
Will she take a step back and realize her assumption error – and say oh of course – that makes sense – we’ll wait for you guys to decide.
Or will she say "What – not have your sister in the wedding….." Ya know what I mean.
Maybe you’ll be plesantly surprise 🙂 This is def something to talk about ASAP before her assumptions get out of control 🙂 And before Jessie might find out and have hurt feelings.
Again addressing this issue might prevent other SM wedding assumption down the road.
Post # 7
We have a similar situation. FI has two half-siblings who we initially planned for to be in the wedding. Fast-forward to now and FI isn’t really speaking to his father who isn’t paying for anything related to the wedding anyway. Because his father is so difficult to communicate with, we aren’t going to have the kids in the wedding anymore. I’m sure this will be an issue, but I figure a) the kids probably won’t notice because they’ve never been to a wedding before and b) it’s not like we’re having someone else be the FB and RB. In addition, FI’s half-brother has some psychological issues and is prone to acting out, which we witnessed at Christmas so we don’t want to risk it. Our priest also suggested that it might be better to not have a FB or RB because they can really get rowdy and distracting.
I would just tell your step-mother that you weren’t planning on having a FB or RB. I don’t really see the point in having them anyway.
Post # 8
Take a few days before addressing Mom on the subject… this will give you time to really decide. Obviously everyone wants to share in your big day!! They are excited and make assumptions based on what they think is going to happen.
If its really important for them to be a part of the wedding but you don’t envision flower girls as part of your wedding then maybe they can pass out programs, or do a reading or pass out bubbles at the end. I am sure there are enough jobs that everyone can share in!
Post # 9
Its true that going around with baskets of bubbles, birdseed, or whatever is a great job for well-behaved kids – hard to screw up, and makes them feel important. But you aren’t obligated to include anybody’s kids in your actual wedding – and if the idea of organizing well dressed rugrats is not your piece of cake, then don’t do it! What I really hate are those kinds of parents who assume that because their kids are really adorable to them, they are equally important to everybody else. Not so much, you know? And if step-mom just wants some piece of the spotlight for her ankle-biters, that is not appropriate.