- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
To make this short (for me, anyway), BF seems to not need or want affection as much as I do, or the same kind. It has caused irritation and makes me feel horible that my BF doesn’t have a desire to want to hold me, kiss me, hug me, hold my hand, etc, just because. He does it like it’s in a script or something most of the time, and in pubic I am not supposed to want to touch at all. I know he has major issues with stuff like this, I know that my f-ed up childhood makes me more needy in this respect, but last night we got in a fight because I “invaded his space” to give him a quick kiss on the forehead goodnight before taking my shower and coming to bed. To me it was a simple, normal, natural thing to do, for him it was an anxety invoking, hold my breath, I feel trapped, clausterphobic invasion. He’s telling me both that I am not intersted in him and avoiding him because he’s ugly right now, AND that at the same time I’m always in his face wanting hugs and kisses. ???? How can it be both?
I’m getting tired of feeling like a freak in every ascpet of my life. I love him, I try to understand this, but I can’t really 100% follow how you can be find not touching more than sitting next to each other on the couch will allow, and no touching in public. Sometimes he’ll surprise me and be okay, but mostly it’s no contact, especailly if other people are around. Talking/arguing about it last night made me feel like everything he does is calcualted… there are no “real” responses, like he’s going through the motions of doing what he thinks people do, but most of the time, unless it’s pre-thought or I pretty much corner him or beg or initiate, there is little to no affection, and even sex has dropped off. I know he’s got major issues, and his self esteem is tied into his appearance, so gaining 40 lbs and starting to lose some hair is making him feel awful, but I’d figure you’d WANT someone who wants to be close to you at those points. I don’t make plans on when to hug him or try to touch him, I just do it when it feel natural, or repress the urge so as not to be annoying. He’s gt PA issues, and I know he’s almost just as damaged as I am from his childhood, but in apparently different ways. I’m just tired today, didn’t sleep, and am starting to resent that we do everything on his time-table, his terms, or I’m being selfish and un-understanding. This goes from eating dinner to (not) getting married. My “waiting” time IS building up resnetment that I know could be showing no matter how ahrd I try not to let it, and there are times when he’s very, very sweet…. but I am begining to wonder if it’s sweet by impulse or design, like, “Ok, we’ve gone X amount of days without a kiss, today wll tide her over for X more.”
No, things aren’t susually this bad, but I just needed to type some stuff or I’d never be abe to get my mind back to work. I guess I just wondered if any other people out there have a similar disconnect with affection.