Post # 1
Not long at all until the wedding at all and plans are changing so much including the venue, catering and all. Which is fine by me. I’m no “bridezilla” and am not too worried so long as we get married.
So because of a conflict with the caterer and the venue holder, the venue is trying to charge more so we are moving the ceremony and reception elsewhere. No issue there. We are on a tight budget, like $6,000 tops tight. Of course I worry that there wont be enough money, what bride wouldn’t with $6,000 and over 100 guests? But everything is getting figured out and we still about about $1,000 backup for things we might be forgetting.
So I get a message from an inlaw excluding herself from helping plan the wedding. Never asked her for help with the wedding funds (she’s been helping by asking questions about guest list decor food etc) because we are doing it and getting help from others. We aren’t asking for help from anyone else. Others have offered (like my mom and brother) and are pitching in and we’re making due with what we’ve got. But the in law is taking herself away from the planning help because of the budget which we were all aware of and saying that we don’t understand how expensive it will be and we can’t afford it. I know this which is why we are cutting every corner we can. I have things planned out to even the small $12.00 details.
Maybe I’m just being emotional but it kind of discouraged me. I just feel like giving up on the wedding planning with everything constantly changing and hearing that it can’t be done. I just want to go to the court house and get married and have it done. Of course we want a wedding but I dont like hearing that I don’t know about things and I can’t do it. We are doing everything we can to make it work and it’s a LOT of work and I’m just tired. I didn’t care if it didn’t come together the way we wanted exactly as long as we were there with our families and close friends. But I guess it’s not enough.
I’m just really discouraged right now. From the beginning we’ve been hearing from people “Weddings cost a lot of money can you afford it?” and I’ve done all my research, budgeted as much as we could and are getting as much help from others as we can. We’ve gotten a lot of things for free because of friends and family. And what we can’t get free I’m a GREAT bargain hunter and very thrifty so we are DIYing and getting what we can for super low. Every last detail is being budgeted and still things seemed like they would be nice. But I guess not nice enough.
Sorry, I’m just really down and for the first time in the nearly a year of wedding planning I’ve felt like crying because of something to do with this wedding and even doubted (and still do) if I should have this wedding at all or just go to the court house and have it all done and continue on with our life.
I guess I am a bridezilla 🙁
Post # 3
@anon656987: This does not make you a bridezilla at all in my eyes!! This planning is crazy stressful sometimes. I had a breakdown yesterday from all the stress. It’s normal. And how rude for someone to ask you if you can afford it. It seems like you have everything researched and sorted out to fit your budget. As long as you are doing what makes you are your FH happy then ignore the others and enjoy your special day! Chin up!
Post # 4
@anon656987: So I get a message from an inlaw excluding herself from helping plan the wedding.
Maybe I’m just not getting it OP, and I know it can be tough to get all your thoughts out clearly when you’re really upset, but I’m confused by this. What do you mean, she excluded herself from helping to plan? What did she say? You said all she has been doing to help plan is asking questions…but that’s not really helping – she just messages you saying she doesn’t want to answer any more questions, or what?
Post # 5
@candief: That’s what I thought and when I assured them that we could afford it, albeit cheaply we could do it we continued to get “Wedding planning costs more than you think, you’re not thinking about all the minor expenses” and so on and so forth
I know we’re broke, what do you expect from two people still in school, but we’re doing what we can to make it as nice as we can and continue to hear “But you can’t afford it” and “Do you realize how much it will cost? Do you think you can afford that?” and so on. It’s frustrating, but more so depressing than anything else
Thank you for your response it did help cheer me up a bit
Post # 6
@Wonderstruck: That’s basically it. It’s not that I necessarily need the help with the minor questions, I have a lot of people reminding me of things that we will need. But I wanted to include her because she’s a future in law and she’s a nice person and I wanted to kinda get to know her more since when he and I get married she will be in my life a lot more. So it was something we were kinda “bonding” over if you want to call it that. I’d have an idea and tell her about it and she’d give her opinion and ask questions and what have you.
In her email she just said she was stepping down from the wedding planning and made it seem like she had to remind us that they were not contributing financially to the wedding. Which is fine, we’d already discussed this before and I’d never asked her. Maybe she thought we would end up asking but we never planned to and wouldn’t. She’s a nice person and it was all worded nicely and not a mean message but it just kinda got to me
Post # 8
I can understand if you feel discouraged, you really don’t need that type of feedback right now. But try to take it as a challenge, that you CAN DO IT! Because I’m sure you can. I’ve arranged lots of sit down dinners through the years at my science department and you can make it nice even on a tight budget. Also, if you’re the DIY type of person, you can even make it super cheap – and people will still enjoy themselves. What I’ve learned from all those parties is that it’s not so much about the venue, the décor or even the food – it’s all about the people. If they are there to have a good time, they will!
Just to encourage you a little, we spent approximately $800 on our engagement party last summer (50 guests). That included all the food, two beautiful cakes, free drinks, balloons and even a new pair of $150 shoes for me. 🙂 We all had a great time, and no broken bank. So I’m sure you’ll rock your $6000!
Post # 9
@eocenia: Thank you. Normally I would take it as a challenge but… I don’t know if it’s because it’s that time of the month or what but on like Sunday I was super emotional. Like crying happy tears all day long. All someone had to do was ask what my favorite restaurant was and the water works would begin and I’d be crying while telling them all about my favorite restaurant. And I’m feeling kinda emotional again today. Maybe it’s from the cycle I don’t know but it’s really put a damper on my mood and I’m really bummed.
Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up and feel like it is a challenge… But I can’t help but wonder “What if they’re right and we can’t do it and everything that can go wrong does go wrong and everyone is miserable at the wedding” and I haven’t once thought like that since I started planning.
That’s great that you were able to pull off a nice party with such little funds and does give me encouragement that maybe everything will work out 🙂 Thank you
Post # 10
It sounds like you’ve gotten things thought out and well planned. Don’t let FMIL get you down.
Post # 11
@anon656987: Don’t let the negative people get to you. It seems like when people find out you are planning a wedding suddenly they feel entitled to give you their two cents on whatever they feel neccessary. Take it with a grain of salt, smile and nod, and then prove them wrong! Show them you CAN plan an AWESOME wedding on ANY budget. Honestly, $6000 sounds like a pretty decent budget to me. But I also know how things add up!! I HIGHLY recommend a book called “A Practical Wedding”. It has helped me SOO much with keeping things in perspective and learning how to deal with ALL kinds of issues.
Post # 12
Oh man, I SO understand about those troubles! My caterer resigned from the venue and we’re now having a restaurant group cater and we were worried it would be too expensive – fortunately in our case it will be basically the same price, but I was really worried for a bit that we’d have to see if we could get our payments back and pick another venue.
You can absolutely do a wedding for 100 people on 6k if you are creative. I had a friend do a wedding for 75ish on 2k – they did a ton of DIY, she baked the cupcakes, they had it at a park, they got it catered but worked on doing it cheaply, and all this stuff. And it was honestly one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve seen. Your wedding may not be the stereotypical banquet wedding, but if YOU are fine with it, so what? It’s your wedding. You are choosing what things you care about, and you’d rather try to do a wedding involving your family and friends on your budget than give up. Clearly you think celebrating with your people is important and will work to throw a good party. And I’m sure you’ll get it done and it will be awesome. All the haters can suck it.
Post # 13
This sounds very similar to what happened to us and in the end we had our dream venue!!!! A way better one than originally planned. Our catering issues were a disaster and the reality is wedding planning is very stressful especially on a tight budget. Many times I started to say we should elope but my loving wife wouldn’t consider it a reality as she knew I would regret it later. Our guests told us this was the best wedding they had ever been to and everyone noticed all the hard work we put into the DIY details and the unique choices. Just stay within your comfort zone money wise and planning
Post # 14
@anon656987: Well, I highly doubt that all 100 guests would end up miserable. That would require a rather spectacular fail (like an Alaska wedding in January without heat – serving ice cream)! A few might not like it, but that always seem to be the case and that’s really up to them. What is important is that you’re getting married and that you enjoy the day, which I’m sure you will!
Hope the hormones levels down so that you can go back to planning – looking forward to hear how it goes!
Post # 15
First, you are in no way a briudezilla. If all you care about is getting married then people’s opinions and all this other money and help stuff shouldn’t matter. Stop discussing wedding with people. I HATE when people say “can you afford that?” or “maybe you should wait until you have more money saved up.” Who the hell are they to manage YOUR money? It is nobody’s business how broke or rich you are, first of all. Second, you can have a small wedding and an affordable one for your budget, and I think you are doing a GREAT job at figuring that out.
Nobody’s knows your business better than you. They just think they do, and they will always be the first to give their opinions.
Post # 16
You can do this. I recently had a very lovely “budget” wedding. Now my guestlist was about half of yours. My budget started out at $5k, but was somewhere in the $7500 by the time we were done. I didn’t go into any debt for this, but we made it work and so will you.