(Closed) Pretty worried about this.

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, this probably isn’t the first time the couple has experienced an awkward moment or rude comment.  This is obviously very unfortunate that it happens in our society, however it does.  (I really am not saying this to be callous.)  I probably wouldn’t bring it up ahead of time because it’s not like they are going to change their minds about what they believe.  Talking to your FI’s sisters ahead of time and asking them to “keep an eye on the older members of the family” just kind of puts them in an awkward position – what could they really do anyways – I really doubt they want to reprimand an elderly relative of theirs!

Post # 5
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

hmmm….i wouldnt say anything more to Fiance about it. But, talk to your friend about it, and let him know that its something that has been bothering you and you are worried that FI’s family might say something to offend them…you might be surprised to learn that your friend might be used to this (unfortunate) show of behavior to a degree, so they might just laugh it off, which in turn will help you feel less anxiety over the situation…

I think at least giving your friend the “heads up” might prepare him for the “just in case” scenario.

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well it sucks that your Fiance isn’t seeing things the same way.  Are you sure you have it right?  Maybe he’s right and it won’t be a big deal.  But it’s good you have your Future Sister-In-Law to talk to.  Maybe you could invite her over, and the three of you can talk.  Maybe in this circumstance she would have more credibility with your Fiance.  Or if she agrees with him, it will ease your mind.

If one of them agrees something needs to be said, I would allow them to say it to family members.  (No ultimatums or emotional stuff.  Just letting them know a gay couple will be attending.)  If neither thinks it’s necessary, I would just leave it.  (ie.  Don’t you start the convo.)

But I would probably CYA with the gay couple and give them heads up about the potential atmosphere in the room.  It’s likely not their first rodeo of that nature.

Post # 7
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would honestly invite him. He is a close friend and everyone should understand that. My family is very old fashioned and dont believe in Gay Marriage or any homosexuality. I invited my gay friends to our wedding. I did not care what others thought, they were there for me and not to please people. If the older people make comments, apparently they are immature for their ages. By The Way:Brokeback Mountain was a good movie.  🙂

Post # 8
1580 posts
Bumble bee

Just don’t bring it up. I don’t know your Future In-Laws, but I think there are people who wouldn’t go out of their way to see Brokeback Mountain, who still wouldn’t snicker at or do anything to offend a gay couple at a wedding or any other social gathering.

I think you would offend the Future In-Laws if you bring it up to them. I think your fiance knows his own family best, so I’d defer to him on this one.

Post # 10
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am also in a similar situation. I have just said in passing coversation, oh yeah, so and so and his boyfriend will be there too. I have done this on the phone and have been met with some stunned silences, but then I just go on to the next topic like nothing happened. If those guests choose not come, in our opinion, they don’t need to be there. Of course we will be sad, but we know the people that really care about us and love us will be there. I don’t think we will have a problem. Gay people get negative comments all of the time and they just choose to ignore them, for the most part. If anyone causes trouble at our wedding/reception, we will just ask them to leave. I have a wedding planner, so I will probably assign her this duty. She is much tougher and much more diplomatic than I am when it comes to confrontation. The only guests that I am worried about is my FI’s mom and my stepdad. I am also going to have the “problem” people at at table as far away from them as possible.

Post # 11
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would guess that most people would be classy enough not to make comments at your wedding reception.  My FIs parents are gay, and there will be a number of gay couples there.  My parents are accepting, but conservative.  It could be awkward for people, but I don’t think at any time, ANYONE would be rude enough to say something.  It hurts too many people’s feelings.  If you think it could potentally be something that causes a scene, you might want to give your parents a heads up, so they don’t have to add the emotion of “shock” into the day.

Post # 12
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I doubt that they will say anything blatantly rude to your friends. I am from a very rural, conservative area as well, and while I know my husband’s family would talk about it later, they would never say anything in front of said gay friends. Most people know that it would be rude and inappropriate to do so at your wedding, even if they think it is OK to talk about it later.  

If your Fiance doesn’t seem to think it’s something to worry about, I’m sure you don’t really need to. 

Post # 13
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would prepare your friend behind the scenes but not say anything to ‘prepare’ FI’s family. Like others have said I’m sure this won’t be the first time they encounter some resistance to their relationship or dirty looks. I wouldn’t give your friend instructions on how to behave, but just warn him that FI’s parents are a little homophobic and you didn’t want that to come as a shock.

Post # 14
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t say anything to his family but I would mention it your friends so that they are aware.

Post # 15
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t bring it up with his family.  They might not ever notice gay men in the room, but if they’re informed, they could make things awkward when it could of been avoided.  It is what it is, some people are still… close minded.  If anything, I’d tell your friend that your FI’s family is this way, not that they should alter how they behave, but just so its not a total shock. 

Post # 16
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would warn your gay friends that there will be some homophobes at the wedding, just to give them a heads up.  

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