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Did you announce your date before she did? If so, she is putting family members in a very difficult position if they have to travel. Most people would not be able to get time off one month and again the next month. It is basically forcing people to either choose your wedding or hers which I think is pretty rude on her part. I don't know if there is any way that you can actually make her change her date though. Maybe you should move yours so that they aren't close to eachother. I know that isn't something you really want to do probably but it might make people not have to decide between the two of you.
i think she's being tacky and weird, but it's going to be her that looks tacky and weird. Not to mention, that if she was going to honor your promises to be MOH in each others' weddings, that she might be on her honeymoon for yours. Honestly, my advice is to be the bigger person, but if I were in your shoes, I would have had a FIT!
A month is a reasonable time between weddings unless there are guests that have to travel REALLY far - if not I don't think it should be that much of a problem.
Remember that weddings are not competitions and you get her day and she gets hers!
I am the MOH in my best friends wedding (who is like a sister to me) a month before mine and she is the MOH in mine and we live an entire country apart!
I think this a great bonding opportunity for you and your sister - you get to share in planning the most important days in your lives together!
You are absolutely being too harsh. You are talking about breaking completely your relationship with your sister over wedding dates and 'spotlight'! I don't get it. Were you never close to your sister? Do you not love each other?
I'm not even going to get into the nitty gritty of who is right and the specifics because it doesn't matter, sisters might often be 'right' to be mad at each other but to have that justify "not continuing any kind of relationship" whoa.
Wow. I'm sorry your sister is making what should be a happy time for both of you so difficult!
Have you set your date and/or put down any deposits yet?
@FutureMrsMartin - I think the problem here stems from the fact that the guest lists for both events are going to heavily overlap. OPs extended family may be put in the position of having to choose one wedding over another if there's a lot of travel involved, which is awkward for them and for OP. There's also the issue of wedding fatigue. It's hard to feel as though your celebration is very special when there's a real possibility that lots of the guests are all celebrated and spent-out and going throught the motions.
i agree that it kind of sucks, especially for your guests that would have to travel, and because you'll be busy planning your wedding while having to deal with being in hers. but she's your sister, for the sake of your relationship i would just suck it up and let it go. there are many times that you have to pick your battles during wedding planning, and i feel like most of them just aren't worth it.
What are the specific reasons you are upset? If it is just because "she stole the spot light," then I am sorry, but i have to agree with your sister. A wedding isn't about being the center of attention, and especially not for a whole month. If you think it would be a problem for family members to travel to two weddings in two months, then I can sympathize with you.
My two aunts had a double wedding. It was a second wedding for one, and a first wedding for the other. My grandpa brought one down the aisle and then ran back around and brought the other one down. Each couple had their turn to stand up and say their vows. It was a wonderful wedding, and they were both married at the end of it. They were able to splurge a little more at the wedding/reception since they had combined finances.
Do you just generally not get along with your sister?
Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can really do. Do a lot of your family members live nearby or do they have to travel a lot? For my wedding, if I had a sister that got married a month before me, a lot of people would have had to choose between us because they were coming from the East Coast to Colorado (which is about $400 per person to fly).
@Archana - You could make the same argument about OP's sister, though. Why shouldn't she be the bigger person and change HER date, particularly as she's already had the experience of wedding? Wouldn't that be the sisterly thing to do in this case?
Cutting off relations might be a bit extreme, but it's far from unreasonable to be upset about this sort of behavior, IMO.
Wow...sorry she is doing this but there probably is not anything you could do to change her mind about it...Have your parents tried talking to her about it?
i never really thought about it from the other side, about it being a good bonding experience for the two sisters... depending on the relationship, the family, and the distance folks will be traveling, it may be a good experience. But it doesn't sound as if the OP feels this way, so hopefully they get it resolved and put some more of a buffer between the two weddings.
I understand that if there is a lot of travel it puts guests in a hard position but if the guests are fairly local I am sure they will be very excited to attend both weddings because weddings are joyous occasions of celebrating a couple in love.
I am just trying to turn a sticky situation into a positive one and I think it is a great opportunity for sister bonding!
@NeedingtoVent - What is the guest travel situation? and what has been the response from family are they excited for both weddings and ok that they are a month apart?
I agree that if they are local it wouldn't be a problem. Just being devil's advocate here (plus I know all about being broke right now).
I think it was wrong of her to do that. I'm really sorry. I think that everyone in the family will see that she is being rude and tacky about it all.
I think that's pretty of obnoxious for her to do if she knew your date. I don't think you should let it completely destroy your relationship with your sister, though.
I think it sucks of her to do this, but really, what can you do? Could you move yours? Not that I think you should have to - but if it's really important to you, and you can only control your actions... it's just a suggestion. If not, go on with your plans and don't worry about her... people will know that since she got engaged after you that she did this, not you.
She definately should of waited, there is plenty of time in one year to get married, you dont plan on getting married right before your sister's wedding! Love or not love, jealous or not jealous, its just wrong to do that, its clear she wants the spotlight and she's trying to make it look like you are the one who wants the attention, my sister got married last august and i made sure i set my date waaaay after hers and i got engaged right before her! Now she's stepping out of my wedding, go figure
I think your only choice is to move yours if this means that much to you. You can't force other people to move their wedding and I think asking your sister to move it six months is pretty extreme. You get a day, not a year.
That said, is this going to be an issue with people/family traveling to the wedding? If not, I don't really see where the problem lies. Yeah, I would be annoyed if my sister did this, but there's pretty much nothing you can do about it. This is NOT worth ending a relationshop over.
I understand you completely! Unfortunately, my sister is the same way. When I graduated from college, my parents came up for the weekend (went to school a couple of hours away) and Sister insisted on driving separately and coming up the day of, then insists that she doesn't feel good (which she may not have, but she's an adult and could have sucked it up). She stayed long enough for me to graduate then went home.
I love my sister, but it's difficult for her to go to long without screaming "look at me! look at me!! someone pay attention to me!" She isn't going to change, so I just kind of accept it and move on. Her faults are her own, and aren't worth me losing that relationship.
Hope you and your sister work it out!
You get a day, not a month. Ignore sister and move on with your plans.
I know that you feel like she is trying to steal your thunder, but she cannot put her life on hold due to your engagement and your wedding. She can't control when she gets engaged. Also, maybe that was the best date for their wedding. You get one day!
I definitely think we need to know the travel situation for guests to give a good opinion. If they need to fly or have a really long drive, then it's probably going to be a problem. If they're local, then it'll work out fine. Either way, if you don't want your weddings a month apart, I think it's going to have to be you to change the date. Like others have said, your wedding is one day, not a month, not six months, and not a year. Yes, it seems like she's just trying to steal the spotlight, but everyone will know that, and no matter when your weddings are, you're still going to have your wedding, which is the most important thing. I think discontinuing a relationship with her over this is over-reacting (IMO). Yes, be pissed for a little bit, but don't cut her out of your life entirely.
It is annoying that she is doing that, but really not worth breaking up any relations over. Bottom line, is that if she wants to plan her wedding for that day, then she can.
I noticed you mentioned she had been divorced, but you have never been married. Do you think that because she is divorced her second marriage is not as important as yours? I think she has just as much of a right to have her wedding when she wants as you do. What if she really doesn't want to wait six months to be married? That is a really long time. You really can't "reserve the spotlight" for months around your wedding. It's a wedding DAY, not month.
I'm with teaadntoast....It is a sticky situation, but good advice. I have a step sister who got engaged a month after me and planned her wedding one week after ours originally (our cruise was mid-May, got cancelled, then we choose the first week of May - hers is late May). While we are not close - not hating each other either, just not close - it still sucks. It puts my father and step mother in a position where there is almost no 'recovery' time, plus I feel sometimes that they prefer her wedding over mine. The fact that my father has no backbone (and is a typical father of "just tell me when/where") and this is my stepmother's only daughter doesnt help either. Even when I got engaged and told them my stepmothers response is "Oh, well [stepsister] will be engaged soon too". Thanks! Everything is about their wedding....if I ask for advice its "well, [step sister] does it this way, so you should too". Its a no-win situation.
My point is - it sucks. Actions speak louder than words, and unless she has a real good reason for having her wedding a month before yours (for example - my cousin's fiancee's brother is military - it was the only time he would be home) - then you have a right to be upset. Sounds like there is more to the story too, like maybe your sister is a bit jealous. Either way you already talked to her and expressed your concerns. She aparently doesnt care about your feelings or putting the rest of the mutual family/friends in a possibly tight situation - which is sad.
Hang on girlie...keep your head high. You'll still have your day! Just think of her as that crazy aunt who wears all white to the wedding because she loves the attention.... :) Even she won't take your moment away from you!
I think what's most important here is your relationship with your sister. A wedding happens and then it's over; your sisterhood will last the rest of your lives.
Surely your sister has a reason for choosing the date she has, and I refuse to believe any individual could be so petty as to pick a date just so she can get married 'first' or whatever. Have you talked to her about WHY she chose the date she did? Ask her, listen, and try to understand.
A month really isn't THAT close, unless, like pp's have said, you have a lot of family who has to come from very far away.
Oh, hon. That sucks, and I'm sorry your sister is being a jerk. BUT.
1. She's the one who is jealous of you. It's totally obvious here, and I'm sure it's obvious to everyone else.
2. If she's that unable to let you enjoy your moment, she wouldn't have been a very big help as MOH anyway.
3. The month before the wedding is a much bigger deal to you than it is to any of your guests (and rightly so). They will have forgotten hers by the time yours rolls around, unless they are immediate family (who would be there anyway).
4. As other posters have said, sadly, you do only get one day. I think this is a slightly different case because I'm assuming your guest lists overlap considerably. But still, as long as the family knows that it's not your doing and it's not your parents' doing, they will think she is nuts and act accordingly.
5. Don't let her spoil your wedding. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her all your plans! She'll just try to upstage you.
6. This is not worth losing a sister over.
I think it's enough to be annoyed with, but not enough to let it affect you this much. Asking her to postpone SIX MONTHS is an awful long time. You aren't entitled to a certain amount of space for your wedding simply b/c your sister is divorced and/or trying to steal your thunder. Maybe it just worked out that way. Don't be selfish--share the wedding wealth =]
Plus, if guest lists overlap, I'd assume (and i HATE saying this) that a portion of the family (particularly if your sis is newly divorced/engaged) will say "well we aleady went to So-and-So's wedding, let's go to the other sisters (aka yours). I kow plenty of people who don't like going to divorcees weddings unless there are particular reasons they got divorced that they "approve" of, ya know? It sounds mean but i know people came up to me and told me, "we're coming, but we won't come to the next one!" mmhmm.
Well, without knowing ALL the facts I vote for her moving her date back 6 months. And not because she's been married before (shame on you!), but because you were engaged first and had already set a date. You snooze you lose! Also, it's just common sense that two sisters can't have a wedding date so close to each other. Even if no one has to travel long distance, people will probably still need hotel rooms and there's the issue of bridal showers and wedding gifts. That's asking your family to take on a big financial burden all at once and as a result your engagements/weddings will suffer. She should have at least considered that a little more than it looks like she did.
I did not want a long engagement at all. But since my sister got engaged 4 months before me and dragged her feet to set a date, I was put in the position your sister is in. I mean, she literally announced her wedding date a few weeks before I got engaged and it was more than a year away. No one asked me to wait 6 extra months, I volunteered b/c I coudln't imagine inconveniencing our family like that and stressing out my sister! We are each other's MOH also. I mean, up until her wedding, she couldn't and didn't even TALK to me about my wedding plans. Now that she's back from her honeymoon she's planning the bach party and shower.
if you told her you moved yours in 2 months, to a month before hers, would she be upset? altho, now it would be a move of course, just curious
I really hate situations like this. Your sister is wrong, in my opinion. Siblings simply should not do this to each other. I would NEVER do this to my sister, and vice versa.
Your sister sounds like she's not going to see the negativity this is causing, so I would move your date. Is that possible? It's just too much of a burden on each other because on top of paying for your own weddings, you'll have to pay for the dresses, shoes, hair and make-up to be in the other's wedding. Geez! What was she thinking?
She shouldn't have planned it that close to yours but I think making her wait 6 months after yours is a little excessive too.
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My sister was married and is now divorced. I have never been married.
She announced her engagement one week after we announced ours. She stole the spot light. Everyone was so mad that she would announce her engagement so quickly after mine. Everyone knew our engagement was coming.
She knew the date we were planning to use for our wedding. She is STILL planning her wedding one month before mine.
We were supposed to be MOH at each other's weddings. I asked her to please postpone her wedding by 6 months. She refused. She told me I was making it a competition and I am the only reason people are mad at her.
This has hurt me so deeply. I feel I am in the right. She should change her wedding date. Anything short of that and I can't see myself continuing any kind of relationship with her.
I am just wondering if other people think I am being too harsh