Yikes, I'd like some perspective on this. Our wedding date is in 2 months, and I just heard from the priest saying he wants us to move our wedding up an hour so he can perform another wedding in the afternoon. The ceremony was supposed to start at 2pm, and now I guess it will start at 1pm if we have him officiate.
It's really frustrating because initially we wanted a 2:30 start time, so that there wasn't too much waiting time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the cocktail hour/reception at 4:30. So, even the 2pm was early.
Now he wants us to start even earlier. What am I supposed to have the guests do during the in between time? Almost everyone is coming from out of town, so it's not like they can just stop at home and hang out for a bit. Also, we're going to have to pay the photographer extra because she'll have to come earlier.
I'm feeling really irritated w/ the priest right now. We're having a smaller wedding, and it seems to me that he wants to perform this other wedding at the bigger cathedral in town, over performing our wedding even though we were scheduled first. He's pretty much said that he's not doing our wedding at the agreed upon time, but can still officiate at 1pm, because he wants to officiate the other wedding at the cathedral.
So what should I do? Move up the time and think of other things for the guests to do in the 2 hours before the start of the cocktail hour (which unfortunately can't be moved earlier)? Just say forget and have the deacon marry us? (we've never even met the deacon). Ugh :(
Absolutely Not!!! You are in the right and he is in the wrong. You can kindly suggest that you will move your wedding back to a later time so that he can do the other wedding first. Tell him that you agreed upon 2:30pm and you expect him to honor his end of the bargain. If he won't then tell him that he must find you another priest to perform atyour wedding. Tell him you already have your wedding times set and they are not flexible to be moved earlier. If he will not comply do not hesitate to strongly express your dissapointment and I would also recomend writing a letter to the arch diosce after your wedding and make sure to CC him on that letter.
That is terribly rude and inconsiderate, especially to do this 2 months out from the wedding. I already had my invites printed by then!
That's very rude of him to try and change the terms of your agreement just because he wants to get in another wedding. They should be the ones changing their time, not you! You should put your foot down about the time. Talk about guests not being there in time, not being able to revise your contracts with other vendors (even if that's not technically true), making him see what an imposition this would be on you.
Needless to say, IF it happens that you just have to bite the bullet and move the wedding to 1 p.m., all will not be lost! I am having a 2.5 hour break between my ceremony (2-3 p.m.) and my reception (5:30). About 85% of my guests are coming from out of town. I have recommended that they hang out at their hotel (there's swimming pools) or go shopping, or to wander around the little downtown area of the place where my reception is. There's nothing I can do about it now and so I'm just trusting that they will find ways to entertain themselves. Your guests will too, no matter what happens.
Originally we planned to have them at the church for the receiving line and some generally socializing at the church as we bussed people to the reception center. So, as it was, we were worried that there was too much time after the ceremony and before the cocktail hour. :(
As for invitations, we totally are behind on that, and are making them ourselves. The plan was to get that all down by next week. But now I don't know what to do.
I feel like it's so unfair. He had agreed to our time, and now he's basically telling us if we still want him to officiate our wedding, we have to be the ones to move our wedding earlier. He said that he could possibility do half of the ceremony if it started at 1:30, and then hand it off to the deacon at 2pm. I don't even know what that means...like he just plans to walk out? The other wedding can't be moved earlier because they're at the main church and he said there are strict rules about when ceremonies start there. I don't understand why he's agreed to do another wedding when he knew ours was that afternoon too.
It's so hard not to be furious with him right now. We've been going to this church for about 8 months, so I guess it's not like we have a longstanding relationship with him, but I did like him a lot before this.
It will be ok. Our reception is at 1 and the rehearsal isn't until 5:30 with half the wedding coming in from out of town. People will find stuff to do, its not your job to entertain them.
Just keep in mind that while this is totally wrong of him to do to you at such a late date, he and the church are really not one of your "wedding vendors." So threatening him isn't going to do you much good. If you can't move your wedding up (I wouldn't) ask him to help you find another priest that can perform the ceremony. You'd much rather have someone dedicated to you and your day and not checking their watch to make sure they are somewhere else on time anyway.
He's the priest of the church we attend now. He hadn't brought up our paying him, but we fully plan to pay him for him time with a donation to the church and tip for him.
I think we might just take on the extra expense and ask a family priest or priest from college to fly in for the ceremony. We're on a tight budget though so this would be a pretty big extra expense with the airfare, hotelroom, and officiant fee.
He is not one of your "vendors" but as a man of God you would at the very least expect him to honor his word. Of course you can't threaten him but that doesn't mean that you can't tell him how wrong you think this is. Have someone else perform it.... don't even deal with this guy. He does not sound like a good person. Just find someone else.... but I do think you should write a letter to the parish and arch diocese. It is not polite behavior......
I agree with Taleja. In most catholic ceremonies if you are having an afternoon ceremony and evening wedding you are going to have at least a 2 hour gap and most people understand this. They can find things to do. We actually have a 2 and 1/2 hour gap.
On another note I do think its quite rude that the priest is asking you to change your ceremony time this close to the date. At most churches I think they make 2 ceremony times and whoever is first gets to pick.
yes - I was going to say, maybe you could have someone else do the officiating, maybe even the deacon (though I have no idea if he is legally allowed to do so) could do the full ceremony? I was confused at first, but if its two different churches, then you shouldn't have to change yours. Thats completely unfair, and I am shocked that a priest of all people would have to nerve to do that - he must know the other couple better? Unfortunately you do need to get on this, to get your invites out! You should contact the church and ask if it was okay for someone else to perform the ceremony. They should totally allow it, or at least be willing to work with you on it. Maybe you could talk to someone else, and explain that everything else has already been planned, and its not an option to change it?
Thanks for all your thoughts and advice. Talked some more about it w/ fiance and we're going to tell him that we can't change the time, and ask him to recommend another priest or deacon in the area who can perform the service at the church.
Also, thanks for the reassurance that the time gap isn't a problem! At this point, I don't even really want him to perform the ceremony though. It's just too bad that we don't have more of a notice to try to get an officiant who we're familiar with and who knows us. I guess wedding planning is full of hiccups.
Elise - you will be more than fine and in two months you probably won't even remember this! You will have a perfect ceremony! I am also (if it wasn't obvious) having a catholic cermony and thus also having the gap. Perhaps that is why i feel so strongly that the priest shouldn't move your time up. Definitely don't worry about the gap though!! Good Luck!!! Put your pics up when its all said and done! :)
That's so kind of you LaborDayBride! Thanks for the encouragement and for having such a great attitude :) Your wedding must be coming up soon-all the best to you!
Elise, if you've decided to try and find another priest or perhaps a deacon to officiate, and you've gotten the ok from the church to bring someone in, maybe it would help if you posted on the local boards where you live asking for recommendations of a priest you wouldn't have to fly in... someone may know an priest who they think would be happy to help you in your situation, and while it may not have the intimacy of someone you've known a long time, it would be nice to know they're the kind of person who wants to help.
This will work out- I'm really sorry you have to go through it, but everything will come right in the end. Good luck and congratulations!
Yikes, I'd like some perspective on this. Our wedding date is in 2 months, and I just heard from the priest saying he wants us to move our wedding up an hour so he can perform another wedding in the afternoon. The ceremony was supposed to start at 2pm, and now I guess it will start at 1pm if we have him officiate.
It's really frustrating because initially we wanted a 2:30 start time, so that there wasn't too much waiting time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the cocktail hour/reception at 4:30. So, even the 2pm was early.
Now he wants us to start even earlier. What am I supposed to have the guests do during the in between time? Almost everyone is coming from out of town, so it's not like they can just stop at home and hang out for a bit. Also, we're going to have to pay the photographer extra because she'll have to come earlier.
I'm feeling really irritated w/ the priest right now. We're having a smaller wedding, and it seems to me that he wants to perform this other wedding at the bigger cathedral in town, over performing our wedding even though we were scheduled first. He's pretty much said that he's not doing our wedding at the agreed upon time, but can still officiate at 1pm, because he wants to officiate the other wedding at the cathedral.
So what should I do? Move up the time and think of other things for the guests to do in the 2 hours before the start of the cocktail hour (which unfortunately can't be moved earlier)? Just say forget and have the deacon marry us? (we've never even met the deacon). Ugh :(
Am I just being a big bridezilla?
posted by elise 9 posts 3 months agoThat is frustrating :(
What were you planning on having your guests do in the 60-90 minutes between the end of your ceremony and the cocktail hour? Could you extend that?
posted by peachypear 100 posts 3 months agoAbsolutely Not!!! You are in the right and he is in the wrong. You can kindly suggest that you will move your wedding back to a later time so that he can do the other wedding first. Tell him that you agreed upon 2:30pm and you expect him to honor his end of the bargain. If he won't then tell him that he must find you another priest to perform atyour wedding. Tell him you already have your wedding times set and they are not flexible to be moved earlier. If he will not comply do not hesitate to strongly express your dissapointment and I would also recomend writing a letter to the arch diosce after your wedding and make sure to CC him on that letter.
That is terribly rude and inconsiderate, especially to do this 2 months out from the wedding. I already had my invites printed by then!
posted by LaborDayBride 101 posts 3 months agoIs this a family priest? Are you paying him?
posted by Janna19 343 posts 3 months agoThat's very rude of him to try and change the terms of your agreement just because he wants to get in another wedding. They should be the ones changing their time, not you! You should put your foot down about the time. Talk about guests not being there in time, not being able to revise your contracts with other vendors (even if that's not technically true), making him see what an imposition this would be on you.
Needless to say, IF it happens that you just have to bite the bullet and move the wedding to 1 p.m., all will not be lost! I am having a 2.5 hour break between my ceremony (2-3 p.m.) and my reception (5:30). About 85% of my guests are coming from out of town. I have recommended that they hang out at their hotel (there's swimming pools) or go shopping, or to wander around the little downtown area of the place where my reception is. There's nothing I can do about it now and so I'm just trusting that they will find ways to entertain themselves. Your guests will too, no matter what happens.
posted by chelseamorning 214 posts 3 months agoOriginally we planned to have them at the church for the receiving line and some generally socializing at the church as we bussed people to the reception center. So, as it was, we were worried that there was too much time after the ceremony and before the cocktail hour. :(
As for invitations, we totally are behind on that, and are making them ourselves. The plan was to get that all down by next week. But now I don't know what to do.
I feel like it's so unfair. He had agreed to our time, and now he's basically telling us if we still want him to officiate our wedding, we have to be the ones to move our wedding earlier. He said that he could possibility do half of the ceremony if it started at 1:30, and then hand it off to the deacon at 2pm. I don't even know what that means...like he just plans to walk out? The other wedding can't be moved earlier because they're at the main church and he said there are strict rules about when ceremonies start there. I don't understand why he's agreed to do another wedding when he knew ours was that afternoon too.
It's so hard not to be furious with him right now. We've been going to this church for about 8 months, so I guess it's not like we have a longstanding relationship with him, but I did like him a lot before this.
posted by elise 9 posts 3 months agoIt will be ok. Our reception is at 1 and the rehearsal isn't until 5:30 with half the wedding coming in from out of town. People will find stuff to do, its not your job to entertain them.
posted by Taleja 15 posts 3 months agoJust keep in mind that while this is totally wrong of him to do to you at such a late date, he and the church are really not one of your "wedding vendors." So threatening him isn't going to do you much good. If you can't move your wedding up (I wouldn't) ask him to help you find another priest that can perform the ceremony. You'd much rather have someone dedicated to you and your day and not checking their watch to make sure they are somewhere else on time anyway.
Good luck!
posted by ynichole 147 posts 3 months agoHe's the priest of the church we attend now. He hadn't brought up our paying him, but we fully plan to pay him for him time with a donation to the church and tip for him.
I think we might just take on the extra expense and ask a family priest or priest from college to fly in for the ceremony. We're on a tight budget though so this would be a pretty big extra expense with the airfare, hotelroom, and officiant fee.
Sigh.
posted by elise 9 posts 3 months agoHe is not one of your "vendors" but as a man of God you would at the very least expect him to honor his word. Of course you can't threaten him but that doesn't mean that you can't tell him how wrong you think this is. Have someone else perform it.... don't even deal with this guy. He does not sound like a good person. Just find someone else.... but I do think you should write a letter to the parish and arch diocese. It is not polite behavior......
posted by LaborDayBride 101 posts 3 months agoIsn't there someone else in the parish that can marry you so that you don't have to fly someone in?
posted by LaborDayBride 101 posts 3 months agoI agree with Taleja. In most catholic ceremonies if you are having an afternoon ceremony and evening wedding you are going to have at least a 2 hour gap and most people understand this. They can find things to do. We actually have a 2 and 1/2 hour gap.
On another note I do think its quite rude that the priest is asking you to change your ceremony time this close to the date. At most churches I think they make 2 ceremony times and whoever is first gets to pick.
posted by pinklau325 119 posts 3 months agoyes - I was going to say, maybe you could have someone else do the officiating, maybe even the deacon (though I have no idea if he is legally allowed to do so) could do the full ceremony? I was confused at first, but if its two different churches, then you shouldn't have to change yours. Thats completely unfair, and I am shocked that a priest of all people would have to nerve to do that - he must know the other couple better? Unfortunately you do need to get on this, to get your invites out! You should contact the church and ask if it was okay for someone else to perform the ceremony. They should totally allow it, or at least be willing to work with you on it. Maybe you could talk to someone else, and explain that everything else has already been planned, and its not an option to change it?
posted by dreambml 427 posts 3 months agoThanks for all your thoughts and advice. Talked some more about it w/ fiance and we're going to tell him that we can't change the time, and ask him to recommend another priest or deacon in the area who can perform the service at the church.
Also, thanks for the reassurance that the time gap isn't a problem! At this point, I don't even really want him to perform the ceremony though. It's just too bad that we don't have more of a notice to try to get an officiant who we're familiar with and who knows us. I guess wedding planning is full of hiccups.
posted by elise 9 posts 3 months agoElise - you will be more than fine and in two months you probably won't even remember this! You will have a perfect ceremony! I am also (if it wasn't obvious) having a catholic cermony and thus also having the gap. Perhaps that is why i feel so strongly that the priest shouldn't move your time up. Definitely don't worry about the gap though!! Good Luck!!! Put your pics up when its all said and done! :)
posted by LaborDayBride 101 posts 3 months agoThat's so kind of you LaborDayBride! Thanks for the encouragement and for having such a great attitude :) Your wedding must be coming up soon-all the best to you!
posted by elise 9 posts 3 months agoElise, if you've decided to try and find another priest or perhaps a deacon to officiate, and you've gotten the ok from the church to bring someone in, maybe it would help if you posted on the local boards where you live asking for recommendations of a priest you wouldn't have to fly in... someone may know an priest who they think would be happy to help you in your situation, and while it may not have the intimacy of someone you've known a long time, it would be nice to know they're the kind of person who wants to help.
This will work out- I'm really sorry you have to go through it, but everything will come right in the end. Good luck and congratulations!
posted by carrieitly 52 posts 3 months ago