Post # 1
I wrote a long blog post here (not promoting, my blog isn’t really for public consumption yet) but I thought I’d share the short version of it with you ladies.
I grew up watching Disney movies and despite going through a feminist phase, I still want to be a princess. This is at the very core of why waiting is so tough for me.
The underlying belief is this:
I want to be young and beautiful when I walk down the eisle. If I’m not snatched up now while I’m young and beautiful, innocent and vivacious, then I won’t be marriageable when I’m older. Beauty only declines with age.
Princesses are worthy of being fought for. If this man doesn’t want me now then why will he want me in the future. If he isn’t fighting for me and doing everything it takes to make me as wife as soon as possible then I must not be worthy.
These beliefs are incorrect. Yet there they are. I believe these lies. Deep down when I get really honest with myself, I realize the reason I’m hurting is not because of boyfriend. It’s because of me.
It’s not them. It’s us.
Post # 3
1) If a man doesn’t fight for you, he isn’t worthy of you. there is truth in that.
and 2) we ALL want to be beautiful on our wedding… why else do we diet, workout like crazy, spend hundreds or thousands on our wedding day look.
Post # 5
lol, i totally understand this princess concept. sometime in my 20s, i realized that my life would never be the fairy tale i thought it would be. i felt like my whole construct of life, love and marriage was crumbling down and it made me very depressed. i think a lot of us go through this, the loss of innocence and idealism. i went through a lot of self growth and reflection to let those notions go, it still is there in the back of my mind sometimes but i find myself SO much happier not expecting some dashing man who hardly knows me to fall madly in love with me and save me from my life! i think it isn’t even something that we are conscious of all the time.
reading these boards i see a lot of why doesn’t he love me? when will he love me enough? BAH! *I* love me and I’m my own damn prince!
🙂 thanks for the post! it’s awesome!
Post # 6
Every bride is beautiful on her wedding day – regardless of age 🙂
Post # 7
Post # 8
I know how you feel. I have had short hair for years, but for some reason I feel like I need to grow my hair out long for the wedding (and I’m not engaged…) so I can fit some kind of ideal. Whether it’s my ideal, his ideal, or “society’s” ideal, I’m not sure, but somehow I feel like I will come across as more mature (ready for such a serious step) or something with long hair. Or perhaps more like a princess.
Sorry if that doesn’t make sense on how it relates to the topic…
Post # 9
@vmec: I agree so much with what you said. I want to feel and look beautiful on my wedding day, no matter what age I am when that occurs. And a man who won’t fight for me isn’t worthy of my love since I’d fight for the person I love tooth and nail. That’s one of the reasons my SO and I are still together. We fought against the odds (which were stacked high against us – 2,000 miles apart and both under 25) and we made it work.
Post # 10
Wow. The fairy tale wishes are so powerful. I think they are so destructive. Especially Beauty and the Beast, but that is a different rant.
Here’s the thing. I think your BF or whatever IS willing to fight for you if push came to shove. But how often does that really happen? The fantasy of a man fighting for your honor is quite heady, but in reality, if that resulted in him becoming permanently confined to a wheelchair would that still sound as good? And if you don’t mean physically fighting for you, are you sure he doesn’t? Does he ever do things for you that he doesn’t really want to do? I think if you think about all the ways he cares for you, you can easily see he is fighting for you, just like I am sure you fight for him, too.
I am no psychiatrist, but there is some kind of self-esteem issue going on – why would anyone want to marry you when you are older if they don’t want you now? That implies that your only value is that you are young and pretty. Come on! I am sure you have MANY more qualities than that! And young pretty women hardly get hideous when they turn 30!
Sorry if this sounds advice-y at all. I don’t mean it that way, I mean it in more of a support way. I am hardly qualified to give advice! Maybe if you are not being proposed to, in the big picture, it is because you have to love yourself more before that happens (cliche, I know). I think it is something everyone struggles with to some degree. And at least you know the fairy tale isn’t good. But it sounds like you are working it out, and that is more than most people even try to do. I wish you peace of mind! And thanks for posting!
Post # 11
@purpleginger: No, it does relate to the topic! There are so many expectations for brides and having long flowy hair so that you can get a fancy updo.
Post # 12
This is your opportunity to create your own princess story – unique and personalized to you! Take your initial thoughts (listed above) and customize and adapt! How incredible that we have the opportunities that we are blessed to have. Most fairy tales are based on stories created hundreds of years ago when the average life span was much shorter and women had pre-defined support roles in society…lucky us that we have so many more opportunities – education, choosing our professions, being able to have bank accounts and vote! I am by no means a feminist but I would challenge the underlying assumptions of the helpless princess fairy tales.
I definitely get better with age – both emotionally and physically. As life experience gives me wisdom and confidence, I am much more attractive now than when I was young. I also now have the resources to do things that make me more attractive and interesting – being able to go out with friends, pampering, personal trainer, travel, etc. Additional experiences and resources make me more vivacious than ever! In regards for a man fighting for you, fight for yourself! Fight to be the incredible, accomplished person that you are meant to be and any man will find that attractive. Make your own dreams and timelines that work for you! Best of luck and enjoy it!