(Closed) Probably one of the oldest stories on wedding bee

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Some FI’s really seem to be into the planning and others aren’t.  I usually narrowed whatever topic down to a few options (like 3) and we decided together from there.  I would probably start contacting officiants and set up meetings with them for times that both you and your FI can attend.  Your officiant will help you make decisions about what the ceremony will look like to make it “you.”  I think at the beginning it’s more important to find someone that you both get along with and your personalities don’t clash.  We had a problem with that and actually had to change ministers as a result.

Post # 4
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband really wasn’t into planning.  I only discussed big picture things with him because most guys will never be interested in linen colors or the types of flowers you want.

Post # 5
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Those girls said it best–focus on things he is actually interested in (venue, menu, DJ, tuxes, whatever) and narrow his choices.  My FI wants to have a nice wedding (which he will not admit out loud) but is overwhelmed with 3,000 pictures of wedding cakes.

Post # 6
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My fiance doesn’t care for the details, either. I’ll show stuff to him, but he rarely gives an opinion on anything. I’m just trying to involve him in things he does care about, like our first dance song, what he’s wearing, and holding the scanner gun when we register. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Definitely narrow it down to a few options and then ask for his opinion.  My FI doesn’t care about themes and colors, etc.  He just wants to throw a good party.  I admit it kinda sucks sometimes because sometimes it comes across as him not caring, but he just not one of those guys who cares about the details.  

Post # 8
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would talk with him and find some things that he would like to do and work on. This has worked well for FI and I. He is working on specific things. He is currently primarily planning the honeymoon, working with our officiant, ceremony musician, all communication with our jeweler (setting up appointments) and working with the groomsmen on tuxes (measurements, styles etc). Dividing specific tasks has worked well for us. 

I agree that most guys will not care about linens, flowers or little details. I have always had FI go with me to all of our meetings with vendors. I have also tried to always talk to him about decisions I am making and get him involved in fun ways like cake tasting!

Post # 9
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you feel like you cannot start working on things he may be interested in (venue, suit-tux, food, music etc) until you have the ceremony “sketched out” try googling some sample ceremonies, pull a few and when you find one that somewhat appeals to you, show it to him, get him to give you a specific opinion on a specific question; ceremony in general is a bit vague, and may seem overwhelming–or perhaps he assumed there was only one set of “traditional” vows?

Search the forum as well, there are a LOT of vows, readings, links and examples posted both in the ceremony boards & secular.

HTH.

Post # 10
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My fiance isn’t a planner and generally doesn’t have much interest in the minute details that go into a wedding.  So, usually if I have an idea or put together a draft of something, I ask for him to look over it or whether he’s OK with us using it . . . when it came to choosing vendors, I’d come up with a few options & ask for his help choosing between them.  I want him to be involved but I also have realistic expectations of his involvement, so that is how I’ve figured out how to compromise.

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