Post # 1
I am having a very small (~30 people) ceremony and dinner in 2 months. My Fiance is in the army and will be back for a small leave period before getting to a permanent duty station.
My family will not be attending the wedding because of various reasons, so I am inviting about 12 of my close friends. FI has a large family and is inviting half family, half friends.
One of FI’s sisters has had problems with me the entire time we have been dating. She is 6 years older than us, but does not always act like it. She is really mean to me and constantly shit talks me on facebook (I have deleted her after one last incident a few months ago), refuses to come to me in private with a problem and instead calls me out publicly on facebook, constantly makes racist and insensitive jokes which I don’t find funny, and has been really rude to me while Fiance was in basic training, saying I wasn’t supportive enough and things like that.
Long story short, I don’t want her at the wedding and it is causing me a lot of stress. His parents are very “family oriented” and think that everyone should put aside their differences for the day of our wedding. I think that’s a crock because just thinking about this is giving me anxiety. I am an only child so I don’t understand really what having a brother or sister is like, but I have expressed to Fiance about her and how she makes me feel, and he agreed that she probably shouldn’t come.
I guess I’m wondering if anyone has anything similar to what I’m going through? I really do not want her there because I don’t like her, and she has been so outwardly mean to me. I know it will be rude to not invite her, but I really do not care about decorum with her because she has been rude to me for so long.
Post # 3
If you dont want her there and your Fiance is ok with that, I’d say go ahead and not invite her. She doesnt seem to support the marriage if she doenst like you so she should not be there imo. However, since you say his parents are family oriented and may be bothered by this, just be prepared for a possible fall out with them unless they undertsand what is going on and support you and your FIs decision not to invite her as well, unless you are ready to be on bad terms with them also..
Post # 4
I agree, I think if you’ve talked with your fiance and you’re both onboard with the decision that she shouldn’t be there, don’t invite her. Only you know the difference between some minor resentment and flatout dislike and you should go with your gut. Like pinkshoes brought up, though, be prepared for some backlash and stand your ground.
Post # 5
My Future Sister-In-Law made a HUGE stink about her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for 9 months. She was downright ugly to me. She never sent me a pic of her in her dress, so I asked her mom who showed me a picture. All I did was send her a text that she looked beautiful and she f-ing blew up. She sent me a 17 long text message about how I’m being an immature child by going behind her back and asking her mom for a pic when I should have asked her, not being included in planning, us never asking her to be in the wedding. Appearantly, we forced her. She was also mad because she hated the dress. She wanted me to pay her back for it even though her dad bought it. I told her she could just not come to the wedding, which was something Fiance agreed with. She got so upset that I was “obviously speaking for both.” I couldn’t do it anymore. This was a family issue.
Fiance called her and they yelled back and forth for an hour about how selfish she is. He told her either you wear the dress and stop acting selfish or don’t come, so you better take the night to think about it. Nothing was resolved until the next day. She decided to stay in the wedding.
I am slightly worried about drama, but my Fiance is happy that his sister will be there, and the family can enjoy the day together. You need to be prepared to deal with FI’s family if they are family oriented. If they understand what Future Sister-In-Law does to you, you will have some support on your side, but be VERY careful with this battle. Even though Fiance agrees, you need to be prepared to deal with backlash….
Post # 6
Hmmmm. I am not sure, so good luck with this. Think though that this will extend beyond one day if you choose not to invite her.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. I talked to Fiance about it and he said he will talk to his family. It’s hard because since he is half the country away, I feel like I’m up against them by myself telling them I don’t want their daughter at the wedding. There have been a lot of issues with the family since we started dating, not really because of me, but things they put my Fiance through. I don’t want to be on bad terms with the parents, but if she was out of my life I wouldn’t feel a thing.
I didn’t really want a wedding to begin with, and me doing this is really only for FI’s family, so I think I should have more of a say in who is coming just for that fact. We are most likely getting sent to Korea after the wedding anyway, so I would hope everyone can get over themselves if they have a problem with me to at least see Fiance off nicely.
Post # 8
His parents are very “family oriented” and think that everyone should put aside their differences for the day of our wedding.
@o_valencia: I hate it when people get all Pollyanna and think everyone should just kiss and make up. Because it’s not that simple. Some people are just imcompatible, even if blood related.
My sister and I haven’t talked in 7 years. I had family members on my butt when I was getting married saying I should make up with her so she could be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Uh, no. She’s a bitch, and I want nothing to do with her. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.