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Problem with a wedding I'm in

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids

Member

1,020 posts

Bumble bee

ES123 April 25, 2009 Laurel, MD

Long post warning! But, I think this takes a lot of explaining.

A girlfriend of mine "Annie" is getting married this summer. She has been my friend since college. She has a large bridal party, including a girl she's known since she was young who lives across the country, her fiancee's two sisters, her fiancee's friend (who she is now friends with), her MOH who she met in middle school, myself and another friend from college, "Diane" (who is my MOH). The bride in this wedding is also one of my bridesmaids, I only had 3. They did a great job of planning my shower and bachelorette party.

Myself and my friend were really looking forward to helping with Annie's party planning - especially since we had just gone through it! However, we have not once been contacted by her MOH about the parties and planning them. We haven't even gotten invitations, though both parties are less than a month away. We have both e-mailed the MOH and offered to help - Diane has connections at some clubs and lounges, which is what the bride, Annie, wanted to do for her bachelorette. She never heard back from the MOH.

Long story longer, Diane and I are really hurt that we aren't more involved, especially when we have tried so hard to be. I feel like I'm being robbed of a great memory of my friends wedding, and am turning into just another guest rather than a bridesmaid. I guess it especially hurts since the bride told me had I not been getting married so close to her, she would have wanted me as MOH, and I know that other bridesmaids (the groom's sisters) were asked to help. If it is the bride dictating to leave us out, I would like to know so I can tell her that's not what we want. If it's her MOH doing this, I feel like I want to call her up and yell at her! (for what it's worth, she didn't know anyone in the bridal party before the engagement party, so it's not as if she's just uncomfortable with new people).

What is the best thing to do in this situation? If you were the bride would you want to know or be left out (I can't decide what I would want).

3 years ago

Hostess

4,102 posts

Honey bee

AnnieAAA October 25, 2009 Dallas, TX

I would let the bride know that you guys havn't heard from the MOH and that the two of you want to help, just let her know that you've emailed the MOH and would like to either A) get her phone number so you can call her or B) ask your bride to perhaps plan a small lunch so you gals can get together and find out what the bride wants at her bach party, plus this would be a great opprotunity to inform the MOH that you want to play a more active role.

What you don't want to do is call the MOH and yell, just because she hasn't answered the email doesn't mean she doesn't want your help. There are alot of girls out there (me included) who don't know excatly what the MOH duties are, even girls that have been MOHs before, some don't know your supposed to send out invitations. In fact, I've recieved texts before regarding bach parties, so perhaps she just doesn't know.

Some people arn't as organized as others, and as I stated earlier, some just don't know what their duties are and some people arn't good communicators. So, just be calm & it will all work out :) Good Luck!

3 years ago

Hostess

2,606 posts

Sugar bee

rosychicklet September 27, 2008 Boston, MA

I agree with AnnieAAA. Perhaps the MOH was told that you and your MOH were going to be super busy and not able to help much so she wasn't asking for your assistance.

Are you worried that you aren't invited to the parties? If it's a month away and there's still no invite, that's cutting it close!

3 years ago

Member

1,020 posts

Bumble bee

ES123 April 25, 2009 Laurel, MD

No, she told us (the bridesmaids) about the dates, but it just seems like - if this girl doesn't know the invitations need to go out (among other things), she obviously needs our help! And we have tried saying point blank "we can help you with (name of an exact thing here)" and she kind of brushes us off.

3 years ago

Member

558 posts

Busy bee

NixLapi October 24, 2009 Toronto

Sounds like a sticky situation - maybe she's a MOHzilla, maybe she's just flaky... either way you've tried helping her to no avail. Let your bride know you've tried (maybe casually, in passing - don't make a big deal out of it and cause her stress).

In the meantime be prepared to help with last minute details (like inviting people to the parties?!), and be ready to just be a guest too! It's great you want to help - but don't let it cause friction in the bridal party - I've seen it happen and it's just not fair to the bride.