(Closed) Problems after a few months

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@justanothergirl:  I am in no way qualified to offer advice, but that is really difficult. I’m sorry.

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@justanothergirl:  i can only say what couples i know in similar situations have done. my grandmother has always hated my mother. so my mother stepped out of the way, let my father have his relationship with her and let him know she was not going to continue with the drama. now the both of them can be around each other and cordial but he dont try to interact beyond that.

So perhaps reassure him that you understand how important his mother is to him and that you would never try to take that relationship away BUT you do not have the same dynamic with her. Tell him that over time it may naturally happen but you need some space from the situation. Let him know that you want to move out, not to isolate him from his family, but so that you guys can interact more positively when you are together. Say that after you move out youll see them regularly and if he likes he can see them even more than just when youre around.

Mother/father issues must be dealt with respectfully because even if she treats you like ish, thats who raised him. I would try to approach this logically and do your best to remove the emotion for at least the near future. So dont think about how terrible she is to you, think of how wonderful she is to the man you love and work from that place of love.

Post # 6
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s a really hard thing. It really is. My FIL is a jerk and always has been. He has been trying to get DH to live closer to them, but we like the 75 mile distance and we have great jobs where we are.I blew up a few weeks ago on him, and it was the first time I ever got yelled at my FIL, but for me it was worth it.

I was mad because DH won’t stick up for me when we are around FIL. This is becuase DH grew up fearing his dad even though it’s just words. I understand the situation your DH is in. That doesn’t make it easy, but is that the way he grew up? Never crossing his mom?

You need to do what is right for your health. If you are losing weight and living in fear of these people you need to get out. If your husband isn’t supporting you and genuinely concerned about your fears, then it is time to reconsider some aspects of your future.

Post # 7
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Living with in-laws never seems to be a good idea to me.  The whole Parent-child relationship and newlywed relationship just won’t click right in the same house… leading to fighting.  If you are the first girl to come between your MIL and her baby boy, then that is especially true.  You have got to move out.  

I’ve had bad experiences with mothers of my boyfriends before and one time it was so bad she made him dump me after years because I wasn’t enough like her and her family.  Oh my god if I had married him… and then tried to live there… they would have had to lock me up in the loony bin.  Nothing I ever said or did was good enough.  Your situation sounds similar. Your husband has to be the one to tell her to back down and see things from a different light.  If he can’t convince her to play nice then you’ll just have to put time and space between them and you.  🙁  Sorry you are going through this. 

Post # 8
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012 - Prairie Production- Chicago (loft)

It’s true…Ive had cousins live with his parents after getting married to save money…and it’s just not worth it. I would rather live in a box then ruin my marriage. If you want to save yours you both need to get out before he caves to his mother and it’s over.

 

Sorry you have to deal with al this – at a time you are supposed to be celebrating your new life.

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