Post # 1
I’ve always gotten along with my FSIL although I do sometimes walk on eggshells with her. Recently she has not been getting along too well with her brother, my fiance. She gets mad at the smallest things, and instead of addressing them appropriately, she blows up and is outraged. I know she is going through a tough time because she is “losing” a brother and she is not the most important person in his life anymore. I went through a similar thing when my sister got married, I just handled it much better. I’ve been pushing my fiance to spend more 1-on-1 time with her as I know I would have liked that with my sister.
Her last “freak-out” has really pushed me over the edge. We received a slideshow with our engagement pictures which I first emailed out to family members (including her) and then immediately posted them on facebook to show everyone else. My fiance got a phone call from her SCREAMING at him, saying that he does not care about his family at all anymore and that I should not have posted the pictures without their “feedback.” okay first of all sweetie, I don’t need your “feedback” about OUR pictures. I thought I was doing the right thing by even emailing them to her. She carried on about how we don’t care about her and that she doesn’t even want to come to the wedding anymore as she would rather save her PTO and money. During all of this, she deleted both my fiance and me on facebook. He has made reasonable effort to speak to her since this incident (a couple weeks) and she is refusing to talk to him. I’m sure she will still come to the wedding when this whole thing calms down, but I’m just afraid she will ruin the wedding day with some blow-up. We seriously think she is suffering from bi-polar or depression and have tried to speak to her mom about it, but she is also in denial. Any suggestions or opinions? Oh yeah, she is also my bridesmaid.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Oh dear lord, what a little brat she is. What is she, 12? I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice, but I am supporting you that she is WAY out of line on this. She is not losing a brother, she is gaining a sister. You are correct, you don’t need her approval/feedback on anything you do- it’s YOUR day. She’s obviously jealous and very immature-hope she puts her big girl panties on and grows up! (I *hate* the family drama that comes with weddings-UGH!)
Post # 4
haha thanks for making me laugh!
Unfortunately she is not 12– where that behavior may be appropriate. She is 22. I know that in time she will see it as gaining a sister, as I now feel i have definitely gained a brother instead of losing a sister. It just also bugs me that her mother is in denial about the whole thing and is “baby-ing” her about it all.
Post # 5
Since my first post, I received a call from my FSIL FREAKING out saying all this horrible stuff that I am constantly judging her family. Also saying I have not included her mom, FMIL, in any wedding planning including invitations, food… Let me just say that FMIL was with me and my mom for 4 hours designing our invitations, and went with us to the food tasting. Pretty much this girl is just saying anything she can think of. It all has to do with her poor relationship with her brother- my FI, which I agree they need to work out. But her saying all this horrible stuff to me is really upsetting. I’m trying not to let it get to me but it’s hard. Oh she also said that my FI and I act different around her. Uh yea, we totally walk on eggshells not to freak her out like this. Oh and she also went on to say that I have changed her brother as he never went to a musical before and now he loves going. Oh I’m sorry, is that SOOOOO horrible? At the end of the phone call she said she doesn’t want to be my bridesmaid. I told her I asked her to be one for a reason, but I would leave the decision up to her. Since then (about 2 weeks), I haven’t heard from her. Her mom just keeps making excuses for her that she is going through a hard time, blah blah blah… and that of course she will be at our wedding and a bridesmaid. But do I really want her up there anymore after everything she said to me?
I just really don’t know what to do anymore. Advice please???
Post # 6
I can completely relate to this. My FSIL lives on her own little planet where the bank of Mom & Dad is in full swing. She’s extremely spoiled and very manipulative. She’s called FI crying saying that I’m ruining their family and I don’t include her Mom in wedding planning. However, I have another post on here outlining exactly why I don’t include her. Honestly, I’ve just given up playing into her nonsense. I don’t tolerate her whining, bitching, etc. and I call her out when she’s being a brat. She doesn’t like it, but I’m tired of being civil.
I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this. Wedding planning is supposed to be a happy time, but sometimes people have to ruin it. I wish you the best of luck! 🙂
Post # 7
@Monkey786: OMG, this is your chance. Right Now. If she is declining the BM position, be happy about it and just let her be!! Most brides are FORCED into having in-laws in the wedding party. Now that it was HER doing to exclude herself, she can’t be mad that you’re taking her out of the bridal party. If she’s acting like this now, imagine what you’ll be dealing with on the wedding day. She will not be concerned with helping you with anything. She’s going to make it about her and her brother (not how she’s gaining a sister). She will take over the photographer and ask for more pictures with her and her brother (without you in them), she will ask the hair/makeup artist to spend more time on her, she will most likely give a toast about her brother and how close they are and how much she is going to miss him (and exclude any mention of you from the toast) . . . yuck!! Trust me, this is a blessing in disguise. I know you’re frustrated with them right now, but just keep doing what you’re doing, and keep reminding yourself, that no matter what you do, SIL will not be happy. she is a selfish person, and selfish people don’t change. I’m dealing with two similar characters right now (SIL and MIL have serious issues and think that they are the most important women in DH’s life . . . really, they get offended when he bus me gifts, or takes me out to places without inviting them).