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Have you told them you need more input? Let them know you're feeling a bit lost and really need their help. :)
My mom has been the exact same way. I actually had a break down with her telling her I was getting stressed out because she wasn't being involved enough and I wanted her to give her opinion. She honestly had no idea she was coming across as apathetic instead of just trying to be supportive. She's been giving her opinion more, even if it is cautiously. We haven't gotten over the guest list thing yet though. I have had to come up with all family members we need to invite because she doesn't want us to feel like we have to invite people we don't want there.
It's frustrating!! I know she has good intentions, but still. I do want SOME input from my family.
@jjmomma: I think I will have to do this. She probably doesn't realize how it's coming across.
My FMIL is like this. I understand that this is the bride's/bride's family ordeal and I know she will pay for certain things, but her stand-off-ness really doesn't even suit her personality. We get along great and I was looking forward to doing wedding stuff with her, but she won't share an opinion, anything at all she'd like us to include, NOTHING. Its so frustrating. I don't know how to get her to get involved. I've straight up told her how I feel and its like it doesn't sink in. GRRRRR. But, I do feel silly for even thinking of this....like really? HAHA
@pccl: You're not silly for thinking that! This should be the time we get to spend with our families in planning, before we move out forever!
Maybe she's been reading online about how many people complain about their Mothers getting involved, and doesn't want that to happen. She won't really know how YOU feel until you tell her.
Both my mom AND FMIL are like this. I am glad not to have a pushy, stressful mother figure in this, put I'd like SOME help and input. I get nothing, nada. My mom is just very anti-girly. She is not into wedding planning, at all. She wouldn't know a STD from a place card. So, she's just 100% disinterested. She is also dreading my wedding, which doesn't help my anxiety one little bit.
FMIL is detached and I'm not sure if she's just trying to respect boundaries or if she's mad about something. Idk. She didn't even tell me who she wanted me to invite to the wedding. Well, she told me she wanted her three brothers to be invited. Other than that, nothing. So, I had to go through her address book and send STDs to the people I thought should be there. It was ridiculous!
Lots of women think weddings are not a big deal. It's a shame that they can't help out,tho,especially when you're asking for it!
My mom has been like that too. She'll only give me an opinion on something if I pester her about it a few times and then it's still pretty non-comittal. Her idea is that she already planned her wedding why does she need to plan mine!
My mom has been a little bit like this, as has my FI. They just seem to really not want to get in my hair about things, and I really would love a little more involvement, especially since I don't have a lot of really firm ideas or wants myself. Luckily, my mom seems to feel more comfortable being invested in things when it's something specific, like helping me with dress stuff and looking for an officiant, rather than just the whole mysterious mass of wedding stuff. But yeah, the guest list thing is kind of odd. Her and my stepdad are making a big contribution to the wedding, money-wise, and she was still being all "Well, I know it would be a lot of fun for him if we could invite maybe one or two of our friends..." and I'm over here going, um, hell yes, of course we're inviting some of your friends, even FI knows and likes them! Geez, moms. Can't live with them all up in our business, can't live with them not all up in our business, right?
My DD is getting married in Feb. Her father and I are not married, so everything related to planning a wedding is like Russian to us. I've offered opinions/advice only when asked. She does get a little irritated with me when I remind her its their day not ours.
My mom and my FMIL are both like this. It's SO hard to get an opinion from her! "Which dress do you like best?" answer: "I don't want to say because I don't want to affect your choice." Yep, that's pretty much my mom. I love her but I wish she'd be a little MORE opinionated! And FMIL and I haven't talked wedding too much... FI approached his parents about money, they offered to pay for the photography, and that was that. Nothing else yet, though I haven't really asked either.
I think this is the problem that I'm having exactly. I can't stand having to drag help/opinions everything out of FMIL. I literally had to figure out who to invite (she never gave me a list and told me to just invite who we had the budget for) and then I hear she's disappointed with who we did invite. She hasn't helped with anything.
I've really taken it the wrong way and assumed it was disinterest and that she doesn't like me. I think she does like me and our wedding, she's just trying not to be overbearing. But she's so NOT overbearing that I'm tearing my hair out trying to figure out what she wants. ughhhh
Ugh, I was talking to my dad today and he tells me my mom is upset she isn't more involved in the planning. She doesn't step up though and offer! I'm going to ask her to do more stuff though I guess
My Mom's just not into "the wedding thing." She'll help out with things I ask (like flowers), but picking the dress, venue, etc. have no interest to her- she's not someone who likes to entertain and fashion doesn't interest her. So, I picked my dress with my matron of honor, am going to a bridal expo with FMIL, and will involve women who are excited about weddings in the process. I was also a little hurt, but I know she loves and cares about me- she just doesn't care about parties!
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I respect that my mom wants to let me have my day. She doesn't want to be that MOB who insists on her own guest list, who has to have the perfect dress that doesn't match the wedding, etc. In her quest to let me do this my way, she has gone to the completely opposite side of things where she won't help me at all. I was trying to think of people I had left off of the guest list, so I asked her who else she thinks I should invite (to be fair, I actually had forgotten a lot of family members that I wanted to invite), and her only response was "this is your wedding, it doesn't matter who I want there". As much as I pressed, she wouldn't give me names. Eventually I found her address book and went through that for names. But really, with everything I'm unsure of, I ask opinions and get zilch. I ask my FI for opinions and he gives me nothing because he also wants me to have what I want. Is it too much to ask for some opinions???