Post # 1
My wedding is booked for 12th December 2015 to the love of my life!
Basically the reason I am posting is that I have a few problems. I have never been the most sociable of people throughout my life and can honestly say that I have never had a ‘best friend’. With the wedding approaching fast I’m now starting to panic a bit. I have no best man and am not sure on what to do. I have one brother and would ask him, but he’d be 15 at the time of the wedding and I don’t think he’d like the responsibility as he’s quite shy.
I have this one friend that I work with who I would consider a really good friend but I know for a fact that I am not his ‘best friend’. He has his own set of friends outside of work and I know that when he eventually gets married that I would not be his best man.
Then it’s the whole ‘stag night’. Once again having no close friends puts me in an awkward situation and basically makes me feel embarrassed. I have no idea on what to do. I do not have a best man never mind any groomsmen.
Has anyone got any suggestions on what I could do? We do have a son who will be 3 at the time of the wedding, maybe I could include him in some way I don’t know.
Thanks for reading my post.
Post # 2
TheGroom1991: I would ask your brother. My best man lived 4000 km away, and didn’t really do any of the traditional responsibilities. Your brother can do what he’s able to do, and not what he isn’t. Ask your friend from work to be a groomsman, and he’ll probably volunteer to fill in a couple of gaps. Another possibility is your father, depending on your relationship with him.
You do not have to have a stag. You don’t have to have a traditional stag night in order to have one. Sounds like it isn’t your style, anyway. My stag was a couple friends, including my dad and brother in law, and we went to a brewery, and then a scotch tasting. It wasn’t a big deal, and it was awesome. My brother in law organized it, because my best man was’t there to do it. The night before, my best man (who is my best friend since grade 10) had a cognac at the bar at my hotel. You could do something simple as that. You could have some people over (desn’t have to be guys, can be family, etc.) to watch bad movies and eat pizza, if that’s your idea of a good night. Do what makes you feel good. Celebrate the people you do have in your life, rather than bemoan ones you don’t.
Is there going to be a large bridal party? Do you, and your fiancée, care about symmetry, i.e. same number of groomsmen, and bridesmaids?
Post # 3
My brother in law is a shyer type of person so he just chose to have his brother as his best man and my sister had three bridesmaids. The lack of symmetry wasn’t a problem. His brother lived interstate as well on the other side of the country so his workmates/surf club mates organised a go kart racing afternoon for his bucks show (he is not a drinker either.) Do what you want and don’t worry about what society ‘norms’ make you think you should be doing.
Post # 4
Asking your brother would be a great idea and also get your son to stand next to your brother as a ring bearer. It will fill up your side of the bridal party for the ceremony. My fiancée doesn’t have many friends either so we a taking it as an opportunity to celebrate together. Get out of town, book a great hotel and let your hair down just the two of you 🙂
Post # 5
TheGroom1991: My FI is in a similar situation. He doesnt have any close friends and is having trouble choosing a best man. He has a brother as well but theyre not that close. Its looking like he is going to go with his father. Not sure if thats an option for you. Alternatively, who says you have to have a best man at all? Just have two groomsmen if it works better for you. Its your wedding!
Post # 6
TheGroom1991: My suggestion: ask your brother to be best man, simply to stand with you, and your work mate as a groomsman. (Assuming your fiancee wants two women standing with her).
Don’t worry about the stag party (they’re optional). The BM usually signs the marriage license as a witness, but your brother is too young, but any adult can do that. Your workmate can sign that if he’s a groomsman.
The only other BM role is the speech. But it doesn’t need to be the BM who does the speech, and I doubt your brother would want to. But how about your father or mother doing a speech instead? I’ve been to a couple of weddings where the father of the groom has done a speech, and both were very good.
Post # 7
Thank you all for the reply’s they are all very helpful.
By reading all your posts I am probably swaying more towards my brother being best man and work mate as a groomsman not 100% sure yet. My fiancee is having 2 bridesmaids. I would like our son to be with me as he’s also a part of the wedding. I think what my problem is, is that I think to much of what other people think and I need to stop that.
Post # 8
I think ring bearer is a great role for your son, and there’s no reason he can’t just stand up there with you, and his mom, afterward, if he wants to stay with one/both of you.
Post # 9
TheGroom1991: my FI was best man at his brothers wedding when he was a teenager (10 yearr age difference) and no one questioned it as a brother is a pretty normal choice. They went paintballing for the stag do since my FI couldn’t do the traditional stag things and no one questioned that either. So even if you do care too much about what people think you wouldn’t be doing anything especially unusual or worth people thinking badly about
Post # 10
cpick: p.s. at our wedding my FI is just having his brother as best man and not having any groomsmen but I’m having 4 bridesmaids… no one has questioned this either 🙂
Post # 11
If your brother feels too shy to be the ‘best man’ ask him to be a groomsman and have your son be the best man. It’s adorable and nobody will think twice about it. A wedding is a happy time and nobody will judge you for not having close male friends when that is the thing they’ll be paying the least attention to during the ceremony.
Aside from the best man speech, all the BM does is help out the groom, and if you have ANYONE else who can do that, you’ll be golden. I’m sure you have SOME adult family member to help you out.
And as for the stag, you can go without one or just invite a few family members out for beer and wings and a few rounds of pool. It doesn’t have to be a rager or a strip club.