Procrastinating on Proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@twofishgirl14:  The best thing I can say it to sit down with him and discuss it in a non-pressuring fashion. Be calm, rational, and try to hide the emotion if at all possible. Be prepared for an answer you might not like. Be prepared for anything really. Personally, if it bothers you that much, you could propose to him, and see what he says. It’s not the most popular choice, but if he’s a real procrastinator, then you might have to!

Post # 4
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would share what you want for yourself in life and acknowledge that you don’t see going beyond a certain point if you aren’t engaged.  Be clear and specific.  Focus only on what you want for yourself with him.  Ask if he wants that too.

Be prepared to accept his response (either to be engaged within a certain timeframe or to break up).  Otherwise, you have to wait until he’s ready if you want him to propose to you.  You can only control your life.  He has to decide for himself what is right and at what time.

Post # 5
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@twofishgirl14:  I feel like you’re telling my story!

SO and I have been together for 7 years as well, started dating spring of our senior year of high school! I’m 25, and he’ll be 25 next month. We’ve lived together since October 2010, he’s been working full time at the same (really good) job for three years.

He is FINALLY ready to propose. I’ve been ready since we graduated (we also went to the same college), but it was only as of March this year that he was really okay with us talking about getting married. I proposed a wedding date–April 2, 2016, which is our 10th anniversary–thinking it would give him enough time to get his shit together. He’s not much of a planner, he needs to be nudged.

Then this past weekend we had an awesome conversation, moved our timeline up a year, and he will be buying the ring within the next week! I asked that we be officially engaged by the end of the summer, but then I mentioned a week that would be the perfect time…which happens to be 2 months from now.

So basically…I know it’s tough to be patient, but you just have to feel him out and pick a good time to talk about it. Once SO decided he was ready, it was like a complete 180 and now he’s very willing to talk wedding things.

You’ll get there, don’t worry!!

Post # 6
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that there’s a happy medium between demanding a proposal and swallowing your feelings. You should be able to have an adult conversation about whether he wants to get married and a general idea of when. I definitely think you shouldn’t pressure him, but I think it’s totally fair to bring it up and see if you’re on the same page.

Post # 7
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I really would recommend talking to him 🙂 it is absolutely entirely possible to talk about your future with this guy to this guy without ruining any of the romance or making him feel unmanly, do the women you talked to not realise that the year is 2013 already? 🙂 women are allowed to have some control over thier own futures, or at least get some idea of whats going on.

 

asking about where he’s at right now or even giving him a rough timeline like your example (though next summer may be a little soon for him to get his head round and then act on it), probably wouldn’t hurt anything, though you may need to prepare to be disappointed if he isn’t willing to talk about it properly (and then i would suggest dropping it for a while).

 

anyway, good luck x

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee

No offense but ignore your mother on this one…we live in the 21st century if he can’t accept that you want to be involved in the process (which it sounds like he does want you involved), then he doesn’t understand your personality type. I’m the exact same, type A personality and it drives my boyfriend nuts but he understands and accepts that about me.

Honestly, the other Bees have it covered you need to talk to him and you can’t be afraid to speak your mind! If it’s been seven years I’m sure he will be able to take your brutal honesty by now lol.

 

Post # 10
Member
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Definitely talk to him. I once just inquired about my bfs timeline for a proposal since we had never talked about it before and he had a ring the next month. Seriously if a guy wants to propose he will do it. If he’s not ready then that’s it but at least ask. He probably feels like he doesn’t need to since you already live together. That’s part of the reason I would never live with FI before the ring.

Post # 11
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

Propose to him to propose to you. Make a huge big proposal where you have rose petals and “Will you Ask Me To Marry You?” written with lipstick on a mirror with the box with the ring you want in it (or a temporary ring, if you feel like he should buy the ‘real’ one). 

Hopefully he’ll pick the ring up, turn around and say “Babe, will you marry me?” 

Post # 12
Member
3924 posts
Honey bee

@twofishgirl14:  You could literally be talking about me and my SO, I am the planner and do-er and he is the procrastinator. BIG TIME. I think having a light, chilled chat with him will help. Ignore your mother. It is 2013 we are allowed to have some say over our life and future. Me and my Mum disagree on this too if this helps. I suggested putting money towards my ring and her face nearly fell off with shock. Like what the hell Mum? It ain’t the middle ages. Have a chat to your SO and just say exactly what you told us. You would like to be married, you would like time to plan etc. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@MsBeer:  I have to say I’d have the same reaction as your mom about going dutch on a ring 😡 some traditions just don’t die. having Weddings/getting married are very traditional, even in 2013.

In the OPs case I do agree a discussion is needed here, if he’s the procrastinating type guiding him in the right direction might be needed here.

Post # 14
Member
3924 posts
Honey bee

@NickiBee:  I just don’t think that in a world where women bang on about equality and equal rights they then can’t be allowed to help pay for a ring because its a man’s job.

It’s a bit backwards. Yes, it would be nice if my SO spent 100% of his own money on a ring for me, but considering I earn a considerable amount more than him, I think it is rude to expect him to pay for it all. Marraige is about helping each other and sharing responsibility, so why can’t you apply those values to buying a ring?

 

But yes. I agree that OP’s fella may need a little nudge in the right direction 😉

Post # 15
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@MsBeer:  I can see that side if things. But I also see it as if you want to get married and have a wedding, which is a very traditional practice in today’s time, as it’s not something that’s considered necessary.

You can’t be too surprised at her reaction when you suggest something non-traditional like going halfsies on a ring. I’m sure in our parents times this is just something that wasn’t a common practice. I’m sure ‘waiting’ would be a foreign concept too.

Some traditions remain more than others, but if doing something differently works for a cpl more power to them. I just wouldn’t be surprised if the reaction is tradition-based.

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