I’m new to the WeddingBee community, but it sure is nice to know that there are some other people out there struggling with waiting for engagement.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. Yes, 7. We met when I was a senior and he was a junior in high school, so we’re both quite young (23 and 24).
When we first discussed engagement 4+ years ago, he made it clear to me that he wanted autonomy over when and how the proposal would happen. So I didn’t ask or mention it for a long time. Honestly, I had no interest in being engaged through the first 4 years of our relationship, but I began to hope for it after we started living together (a little less than 3 years ago).
We discussed engagement 2 years ago, and he told me that he had some conditions that needed to be met before he would consider proposing:
We both had to graduate college
We both had to be employed in real, full-time jobs
I agreed that this was practical and that this would be our timeline.
He got a job 2 months after graduation, and subconsciously I started thinking that it was only a matter of time now, because the conditions had been met.
That was a little less than a year ago. And for a long time I told myself I was ok with waiting, that it didn’t matter, that our life together is so wonderful that marriage was just for when we wanted to start having kids…
But I’m not okay. I’m sick of calling him my “boyfriend” when he’s so much more to me. I want to declare our love in front of all our loved ones. I want to be married at least a year or two before we start trying for kids, which I’d like to do around age 28. And it’s been SEVEN YEARS.
It doesn’t help that literally every single friend I hang out with frequently is married or engaged. One just had a baby last week.
So here’s my question: do I tell him to get his act together? I don’t want to issue an ultimatum (I could never break up with him) but I’m very tempted to give him a timeline, like saying “I would like to get married next summer. Ideally, I’d like more than 6 months to plan the wedding. If you’d like to propose, please do so in a timeframe that will let that happen.”
I mentioned this to my mom and a couple female friends and they all reacted with horror and basically told me that if I did that I would be destroying the romance and emasculating him and being a controlling girlfriend. Yay…
My fear is this: this man is a PROCRASTINATOR. A real absentminded professor type. He can only ever focus on one thing at a time and plans with multiple moving parts (like a proposal) completely shut him down. I’m an A-type and I am perfectly happy to help him keep track of doctor’s appointments and oil changes and budgets and applications and stuff. But society says I’m not allowed to help him with this. I’m worried that he’ll just vaguely procrastinate on it until I lose my mind and snap.