Post # 1
So my question is: How far before the wedding did you/are you ordering your programs?
My reason for asking is this, I contacted the lead pianist at the church to ask him to approve my nontraditional music and to get the name of the person who will be performing at my service, since he will not be as his sons birthday is that day. I asked if this info could be obtained in the next week or two. As a note, he’s a renowned musician, and has been with this church for 10 + years.
My response from him was not "Godly" lets say.
He said to me:
"Are you leaving the country? Do you have a military reasoning behind this? Is there some extreme reason why you need this now because Ihave never heard of programs taking over 2 months to print"
The rest of his e-mail was worded horribly as well and treated me like I was some psycho freak bride who’s "demanding" I felt like crap after reading it.
He went on to tell me that there is a music workshop 11 days before my wedding and we could button all this down then. 11 days before the wedding are you INSANE!
Am I being extreme? I mean, ok I am making my own invites but I have to work getting them done into all the other last minute things that happen before a wedding, and wait on the good graces of my step dad to print them for me – not to mention that if I actually was ordering them I don’t know anywhere that would do this in 11 days, or even a month!!! Not with out paying overpriced "priority" pricing that I can’t afford.
I didn’t think that 71 days (to be exact) was "extreme" in obtaning the info….
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re exteme either…
To stay on good terms with him though I would send him back an email saying something along the lines of…
I apologize I have made you feel rushed, that was not my intention. The person printing my programs would like to get these started, as they may take up to a month. Once again, I am so sorry, and I hope we can work something out.
I would pay him a compliment somewhere in the email… stroke it a bit.
I think he is completely insane… but I’ve noticed to get things done you have to be super nice and patient. Men usually respond to compliments. Try it.
Post # 4
I did say at the end of my e-mail that I apologize for being frazzeled and annoyed but my experiance has not been great with the church and while it’s not his fault at all, it’s more "the straw that broke the camels back"
And I laid out the timeline for him too. I don’t know how he does hundreds of weddings a year and this is new to him? And the wording…like that was needed.
Post # 5
Sounds like this person is lazy and doesn’t understand how much a bride really has to do. Yes, it doesn’t take programs 2 months to print, but WHY put it off when it CAN be done earlier? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want this information and I can’t believe some people actually don’t have a mental edit button (or in this case, proofread and read what you wrote, it’s the internet, for everyone’s sake!).
This is the thing about the internet. People wouldn’t say the same crap in person but they do it online because they’re hiding behind some stupid e-mail address or avatar. It doesn’t change anything. How very unprofessional.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
I’m not sure what your programs entail, but is it possible to lay out the covers now, print them, score them, cut ribbon, etc. (basically, whatever else you can get done early)….. and then lay out the interior of the program with dummy copy where your music info will go? Once you get all the information settled, then you could just insert the new info, print out the interiors and put everything together.
I’m not sure if this is reasonable, but if you try to complete the majority of your other wedding projects by 2 weeks before the wedding and leave only completing the programs and doing your table arrangements/place cards in the last 2 weeks, I think you’d be okay. But, that’s just how I’m trying to organize things with the projects that I know need to wait a while to be completed!
Post # 7
Well the music is part of the whole inside, I mean esentially – it’s the whole thing. I have scored the covers and cut the ribbon, it’s all ready to go. I’m not prepared to, nor should I have to push this to the last minute. I mean 3 weeks before hand to me is the last minute. I’m more upset how he terated me….you know? I’m not trying ot finish them tomorrow or something, just with in 3 weeks of the wedding – hopefully. Which to me is normal.
Thanks for the help 🙂 I’m just mad at how he treated me mostly.
Post # 8
SO Mr S talked to the woman next door, who is a member of the church we are getting married at and she said we’re being treated this way because we’re not members and she sees it alot. This is terrible. I was planning ot become a member after the wedding – not if I’m being treated this way though.
I’m so sad a church can do this to people.
Post # 9
I think you risk nothing by going above his head…I mean what might happen, your relationship deteriorates? I’d rather things blow up now than later–11 days is ridiculous. I have decided not to yield to the gate keepers in life, THIS PERSON IS UNSTABLE so if you take none of my advice please listen to this, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Anything else you are doing yourself a dis-service. Good Luck
Post # 10
We are getting married the same day as you, and we have July 15 as our "make all decisions for the program date." We will then spend the next week laying out the text, deciding on wording. Final week of July it will be at the printers. July 30 I want to mail it to the woman who will be cutting them out and assembling them (they are fans) – and she will ship them to our DW venue. Hope that helps.
Post # 11
just as a sympathy note — as a graphic designer, I experience this all the time. Clients don’t understand that a printer WILL NOT BE RUSHED. so they expect a design in like 2 days, even though IT COULD BE DONE EARLIER. it makes me crazy!!! i’m so sorry 🙁 it sounds like it would take him half an hour to do this!
Post # 12
Fine. Tell him you’re leaving the country, since he’s already accepted that as a valid reason for needing to do it sooner. Such unporfessional behavior is really absurd, but two can play at that game 😛
Post # 13
I agree with ju1244 – you deserve better treatment, member or not. I would let the church office know how offended you were (include his email) and mention that you were planning on becoming a member, but are now unsure because of his behavior. If they don’t do anything about it, that’s their problem, you’ve done all you can, but at least you said something.
Nothing irks me more when churches think they can walk all over people and then act self-riteous about it! I grew up in a parish like that and it almost completely turned me off from the religion. I feel for you, hang in there!!!
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2008 - United Methodist Cathedral & historic downtown hotel in Cleveland
I’m going to go against the grain here and say that it’s actually not much of a problem.
Programs don’t need to be done two months ahead of time. We didn’t nail down the final song the soloist would be singing until about 6 days before. What we did do is make a mockup of the program and did as much as we could (printing, design, cutting ribbon, etc.) prior to that. Then when we got the info, we could just insert it into the appropriate part of the program and print and assemble. If you take care of everything else that needs to be done ahead of time, there really isn’t all that much to do the week before a wedding.
Post # 15
So, ok he responded to me today (ignored the e-mailwith my music and lyrics in it however) and apologized for being what he called "unintentionally rude" which above the stress of a last minute toss together of programs, was my real concern.
He went on to say that "He didn’t want a secular love song to uindermine my service"
A few things about this irked me.
1 – I’m not having a service, I’m having a ceremony. There will be no teachings during it, this isn’t a Catholic service where they do mass…and so on. I feel like he’s losingsight of this as a wedding and more of a church service.
2 – How could ANY song, secular or not – that’s clean and appropriate for church play, that I chose in honor of my day undermine my day? UGH!
So I finally decided that if it’s secular music he has an issue with, which he picks and chooses – (I can have "When You Say Nothing At All" but more then likely not "Here Comes The SUn"?) I would give in a pick christian music…and show him how even that can UNDERMINE a day….
My cousin in England is obsessed with TBWNN – a heavy metal-ish rap group, thats chistian and talks only about God and his love – and NOT apporpriate for a wedding…to see them and hear what I mean go here scroll down just a click or tow and you’ll see it.
I’ll skip my a$$ down the isle waving my arms in the air if that’s what it takes
(vent over…thank you.)