- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
I’ve had a lovely weekend that was topped off last night with an unexpected conversation with my SO. He brought up engagement/marriage/weddings on his own, and then kept the conversation going. And as much as I let my crazy out (e.g., show him my ring/accessories/dresses in my secret computer folder) he was still holding his own and I think even expected there to be more crazy haha He did say he was a bit overwhelmed because he didn’t think I thought about it quite this much, and I calmed his nerves a bit by letting him know that the majority of the crazy happened like a year ago, and that I’m much more settled now lol
I also told him that I’m not that opposed to a long engagement (1-2+ years), though I know he’d still like to have a shorter one if possible (closer to just 1 year). I have 1 year of classes left (grad school), and then 1 year of a lighter work load, and then I have to go on internship (for which we both may move depending on where I get matched). We both agree that we’d like the wedding to be before we have to move (aka right in about 2 years).
We exchanged ring ideas we liked online, he gave me an approximate budget, and he knows that from this point out it’s not too soon lol (we’ve been together almost 5 years).
If you’ve got a little more extra in you to read:
Not the whole conversation was sunshine and rainbows. He told me that he was going to tell his mom prior to proposing, and that made me feel a little weird. I guess I always hoped that I’d be first to know when he did it (I even told him there’s no need to ask my parents). He wants to tell her I think so she’s not caught off guard (though after 5 years you’d think she might suspect it’s coming). So I’m a bit conflicted. On the one hand I know that part doesn’t really have anything to do with me (especially if she can keep it a secret), but on the other hand I just want to be first to know. I want us to have that just between us. I’m not even telling anyone in real life about these conversations.
The other thing that bothered me a bit in the conversation was when he was talking about our relationship and how we’re “at that stage.” Practically speaking, yes we are. We’ve been together long enough, he has a good job, we’ve been pretty much living together for a year and getting along great. I think I just expected someone “at that stage” to use more romantic language like “I can’t wait to marry you” and “I want to be with you,” or “you’re the one for me,” etc. Is it typical to talk about engagement/marriage in such a practical way? I don’t want to imply that we don’t love each other. We very much do. I don’t consider it settling in any way if after 5 years I feel ready to be married. But that’s just how I think it sounds/reads when the romantic words aren’t there (he’s much more a man of action than words. He shows me he loves me, rather than talk about it in detail) – I’m just much more of a poetic/hopeless romantic person.
Would love any of your thoughts =]