- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
For a while now, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to talk to my BF about his timeline for our future. We had a wedding to go to on Saturday so I assumed that it would naturally come up.
Throughout the wedding he kept making little comments: do you like the bride’s dress, this church is really nice, I definitely want to make a speech at my wedding (the groom was British and it’s a British custom for the groom to give a speech). Then he got onto how much the wedding must have cost. He said that he has no idea how we or our families would pay for a wedding which was followed by “And I somehow have to afford a ring first”.
Now, I’ve always been a fan of a small destination wedding/eloping and then having a reception for our family and friends a month or two afterwards. He has always been fine with this idea but at the wedding he said that he feels like he owes his friends and family a big wedding because he’s been in theirs or been to theirs (he’s 33 so all of his friends are married).
I didn’t even know that this was an issue, as he’s never said anything before. This sort of stopped me in my tracks about asking for a timeline. Because he has always agreed with me when I asked for us to elope, I assumed that we could get engaged soon because our wedding wouldn’t cost much money and we’d have time to plan it without worrying. Now that I know his worries, I’m even more worried that he isn’t going to propose any time soon. (By the way, the reason I’d like him to propose soon is because he wants to be finished having children by the time he’s 40. We aren’t engaged yet. That does not leave us much time to just enjoy being husband and wife before I have to start popping out babies). I know that men like to be financially stable and able to support their girlfriend before asking her to be his wife. What I don’t know how to convey is that 1) I don’t need a ring to be proposed to (I told him that I don’t want a diamond anyway but I’m not sure if he really listened) 2) I’m perfectly fine with the way we are financially. We are able to support ourselves. We live together, all of our bills get paid on time, and we always have food in the house. I don’t see a need to be any more financially stable than that at this point in our lives.
I’ve kept my mouth shut for the last 6 months about getting engaged or married because I don’t want to push him. I want him to propose when he’s ready but I feel like explaining how I feel to him would eleviate some of his worries which are causing him to drag his feet. What should I do? How should I bring it up? Should I just keep my mouth shut and let him do things his own way?
At least I know what he’s thinking now :-/