- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
To start off, I’m writing this post to blow off some steam, and hopefully, to gain some insight from bees who have been there!
To set the stage of the story, I am the adoring daughter of a wonderful father, who lost his life to a complications caused by decades of alcoholism. I spent most of my teenage/young adult life desperately trying to help him quit drinking, which never happened. I lost him when I was 22YO, which I have largely moved on from, but still go through phases when I’m upset, angry and impatient with others. With only 6 weeks to go until the wedding, thoughts of my father not being there has made my cranky phases a little more frequent.
Very accostmed to the excuses given by someone with an addiction (and the disspointment that follows,) I am wary to trust the word of those who “say” and don’t “do,” which has recently become a source of anger and anxiety with my FH and FILs.
MY FFIL is very overweight, and as I have lost 70lbs in the last decade, both my FFIL and FMIL (also overweight) love talking to me about “healthy eating” and weight loss. It’s very nice that they are so intersested in the subject matter, but IMO, their idea of a healthy, balanced diet is way off in Neverland. Despite their belief that they are investing in their own health, I don’t believe that change will ever happen for them. Their constant health tips (usually food recommendations that are super processed and come out of a frozen box, or a new low-fat option at their favorite fast food joint) can become a little vexing, but ultimately, I love them, they seem happy and their eating habits are none of my business.
My FH and I are getting married in September. We’ve been exercising a lot to get more fit for the wedding, and in doing so, he’s realized that he’s very out of shape, and that he has gained 20lbs in the last year (I’ve noticed this over that time and tried to get his weight back on track with polite support, to no avail.) Yesterday we went shopping at the mall, and for the first time, he got really upset with the image he saw in the mirror. I tried to be supportive, and said if he really wanted to lose weight, this wake-up-call could be viewed as a gift, as losing 20lbs is easier than 40, 50, etc. While we shared a few laughs about his realization, he soon became irritable, and no longer wanted to talk about his 20lb gain. While he said he was motivated to lose the weight, he had no interest in planning or discussing a nutritional program geared for weightloss. This type of response is one I know all too well.
My FH would probably not be perceived as overweight (he’s at the border,) but we both know that as our metabolisms slow, weight management will become more and more important. As he has made pledges to leisurely lose weight in the past (the motivation for which have always fizzled out,) my problem is that I have little faith that he’ll actually lose the weight. I know he has the same body structure as his dad, and I know he was raised in a family that was wonderful and happy, but also complacent and quick to make excuses.
In a nutshell (while this isn’t a post questioning my motives for agreeing to marry my FH,) I am terrified that I’m marrying not only his father, but my father as well.
Any bees have a similar story, or two cents to shed some light on the situation? Thanks!