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My husband proposed while I was sitting on his lap by basically pulling the ring out of his pocket and popping the question. No, no fairytales will be written about our proposal, but it didn't mean any less and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Thanks for sharing. I kind of asked what gave him the idea of proposing the way he did and he said he thought I'd like it. I guess that's what made me feel so bad, since it felt like he didn't think I'd want it more romantic.
My friend gave me the idea of having him get down on one knee in an engagement photo, though. So, I started teasing him about getting that kind of picture, just so I would have the memory of it.
I may be dense about jewelry, but I've seen some pretty substantial promise rings and some low key engagement rings. I think what matters is that you got engaged and got a ring as a "promise" to get married. A ring that is given as a promise ring has a different meaning. I see the reason linked to the ring designates it as a promise or e-ring. I also say you should take all that etiquette stuff in magazines and books with a grain of salt. Rules were made to be broken. :) Congrats on your engagement! And now that your FI has an idea of some upgrades/gifts he can give you for future anniversaries.
I wanted a speech. Not even a long one, just a few nice things said. I didn't get that. He didn't get down on one knee either. We were sitting on a couch, I had my legs across his lap, and we were just watching TV. He just said 'so... whenever you get back from overseas, will you marry me?' It wasn't elaborate or thought out at all. He just did it spur of the moment.
That was only last month, and just the other day he said 'I'm sorry if my first proposal didn't really 'stand up' you know?' And he says he's going to propose again when my actual engagement ring comes in. (We're using my anniversary ring from our 2 yr anniversary right now, because he hadn't planned on proposing so although he has the ring picked out, he didn't have it in his possesion yet.)
At first, I was a little 'disappointed'. Don't get me wrong, I was excited. But I know girls who have gotten much more romantic proposals than me. When he apologized for it not being a great proposal though, I realized that it was actually very 'us' because he had asked me to be his girlfriend in the exact same situation 4.5 years before. Now I think it's a cute little story for us and don't mind at all. :)
So for us, it turned out that what was 'lackluster' at first glance was actually pretty cute in my mind. :)
@JK_R: Sorry for being really dim, but what's the difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring?
My husband asked me outside of my mom's house (when I lived there) in her driveway. He asked without a ring & didn't get down on one knee. He did say sweet things & asked & we hugged & kissed. It was under the stars & was perfect. I wouldn't have it any other way.
But it wasn't anything you would see on a movie or in a book, no. But to me it was perfect, even without a ring!
I'm sorry, I'm confused. As far as I'm concerned, if you and your family understand it as an engagement, it countsn
My husband and I went for a hike when he proposed. There are no pictures. But we were engaged none the less. And we are now married, no question.
@Nellular: Thank you for the congrats!
@AubByAub: That's basically the way I feel. Mine felt as though it was a spur of the moment thing. And he said "I wanted it to be a surprise.." but, I was just thinking something more traditional or even a little romantic would be a surprise as well. Though, I'm not sure he realized how much I felt on the subject.
@SpecialSundae: I've always known a promise ring to be a ring promising that you would get engaged someday. Kind of like when you're in high school and your 2 year boyfriend gets a promise ring for you: basically saying "I'll be ready to propose one day, but not right now."
Of course, I've also heard that some people could have promise rings as engagement rings. But, I never thought an engagement ring was that far fetched.
@SadieBee: Yes, he used it as an engagement ring. Given that I looked up rings for about a year before I got proposed to, I wanted to know more about the specific ring he got. When I told my Matron of Honor and Mom about the ring, they did say "Your engaged though, right??"
He got extremely offended though when I wanted to see the receipt when I first got it, just because I was wanting to know the size of the diamond (I had a friend at work I KNEW would ask what the carat size was.)
@JK_R: So as far as he's concerned, he proposed, but you see it as a promise ring because it's not big enough or the proposal wasn't fancy enough?
@SpecialSundae: I'm just saying that it's a promise ring used as an engagement ring. I was wondering if anyone else received a promise ring instead, also. I am more than happy about being engaged, don't get me wrong. It just made me think of "I want to have a great memory of this the rest of my life." But, I didn't. I just have multiple feelings flying around since I've gotten engaged, that I don't know what to do with.
@JK_R: What makes it a promise ring? Does it just have a small diamond? I know there are lots of bees here that have smaller diamon rings.
I still don't understand. If he proposed with it, it's an engagement ring. Is the diamond too small for your liking? As for the proposal, lots of girls have low-key proposals. I did.
My proposal was very simple and kind of like Mrs.Estep's. We were in the driveway of my parents house just goofing around playing basketball. He got down on one knee and proposed right there. It was sweet and totally him and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I got a very non-traditional ring as well- It's a sapphire with diamonds surrounding it. I love my ring despite the fact that it doesn't look like most engagement rings. If you are unhappy then you need to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy but personally I enjoy small, sweet, intimate proposals rather than a big, elaborate, out in the open proposal! I wouldn't be ashamed of how you got engaged or what type of ring you got. Rings can always be changed but your love for each other is what is important!
@accorn: I believe so. Mine was from Gordons. I was using their site when searching engagement rings and couldn't find mine. I looked in the Promise Ring section and found two that were similar: it's a 1/6th diamond in a majority of the promise rings. Also, thanks for making me feel better. (:
@theredhead: Thanks for sharing! It was a bit of a combination of the proposal and ring that got me down. I think once I resize my ring, it'll feel a lot better. Although we had a store size my finger, the ring still ended up being too big. Also, you ring sounds really pretty!
@JK_R:I am sure your ring is absolutely gorgeous as well. And I agree- sizing your ring and getting it to fit perfectly on your finger will help you to love it even more :)
Thanks again for everyone who shared their stories! It really has put me at ease. I'll definitely resize my ring probably next week. I'll also take a look at the wedding bands they have, to see if any of them would match the size of the ring. I have my mom's engagement ring (looks just like a wedding band) on my right hand, but that kind looks way too bulky against my ring.
@SpecialSundae:I don't know how big promise rings are outside the US. But here they're usually given by people in their early 20s or teens as a sign that they care for the person and while they aren't at a point to get engaged, they want their partner to know that's where they want it to go. It's a cute thing younger people do. So, there are styles actually intended to serve as promise rings. They're typically delicate, simple, at a lower price point, don't always look like an engagement ring.
I think there was some confusion regarding the the 2. She was saying that her guy proposed with a promise-ring style ring instead of an engagement ring style ring.
Either way. I'd love to see what it looks like. :)
@claireos: I think promise rings are pretty unusual outside the USA. I'd never really heard of it in the UK.
My FI commented that if he'd picked out a ring and proposed and I asked to see the receipt that the ring would be going back and he'd be moving out. (Admittedly he was a tad cruder, but I thought that wouldn't be polite to repeat.)
I think over the top proposals are kind of silly. I think it should require some thought, but it sounds like maybe he thought you'd prefer something low key.
As far as the ring, if you have a smaller e-ring, I say go big on the wedding band! no need to feel bad, you want what you want. and you can always upgrade it later too!
@SpecialSundae: I agree. I'm also unsure what's the difference between a promise ring and an engagement ring except maybe the size of the center stone or if there is a center stone at all. As far as setting goes, I don't think I would be able to tell the difference if it was a promise ring setting vs. an engagement ring setting.
@JK_R: Forgive me if I'm reading it wrong, but I get the feeling that you just want a bigger diamond and an elaborate proposal. But I do hope you find some happiness with all of this. I'm sure being engaged to the man you love trumps everything else.
@alwaysamaid: I may sound snarky but I don't necessarily think that over the top or elaborate proposals are done without much thought. But it also doesn't mean that low key proposals are any less special.
@Dub D: I did go to the site she mentioned and one of the "promise rings" looked all but identical to my friend's engagement ring.
this is sorta interesting because the proposal i always dream about having is laying in bed in the morning and waking up to him proposing and our budget is quite low so your promise ring probably cost about as much as the non-diamond ring I picked out with him.
Just because it came from a certain section of the store doesn't make it any less of an engagement ring, but I think I get where you are coming from...sounds like he didn't talk to you about style ring you wanted and you ended up with something that you wouldn't have picked out. Some bees in that scenario say that their rings grew on them and they love them, some say they love that their FI picked out something all on his own, and others have it returned/replaced. There is no one way to feel and I think what you are feeling is legitimate BUT I would also say to becareful beause if you have visions of what things should be based on romantic ideals marriage probably won't be all it's cracked up to be either
I always pictured my dh giving a sweet speech but he told me he loved me and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. We were in Aruba , walking along a beach and he gave
me my dream ring. so really i cant complain and when i think back it was truly was perfect for us. I
guess we all have something in our minds and when it isnt what we were expecting we get a tad disappointed. I love my DH so dearly and actually feel blessed to have married such a wonderful man.
It sounds like he was going for the low-key and spontanious romantic rather than over-the-top. I think your proposal sounds really sweet, like he couldn't wait one more minute to ask you to marry him. Try looking at it that way then it wasn't like in the movies. Every proposal, like every couple, is unique.
As for the ring, are you really going to let a store's labeling let you down? Personally I think a jeweler labeling a ring as a 'promise ring' is to get men to look at rings far out of their price range because they don't want to give a 'promise ring' as an engagement ring.
I'm sure you're ring is beautiful and perfect for you and your relationship. And if it makes you feel better, my mom's wedding set is her promise ring and a small band. It was all they could afford at the time and it will be 30 years in March for them. I love my mom's set! It's very understated and very pretty.
Hey just thought I would chime in.. Everybody's responses have been great.. I had this feeling and still kind of do.. Its just a girl thing I think.. Most (there are always exceptions to the rule) want elaborate proposals pr at least a good story to tell and gorgeous rings..
I knew mine was coming (although I would have liked to be surprised.. he just isn't very good at keeping secrets) and so it ended up being slightly awkward but he tried very hard.. went out to the lake in town.. and he waited til sunset..
He proposed with his great grandmother's ring.. Which is very pretty in it's own way.. and I've started to like it more now then I did at first.. Clearly it has lots of sentimental value.. but it esentially is a promise ring sized diamond.. and at first it was hard to be excited.. I don't know about you but you tell people you're engaged and they want to see your rock.. and it killed me when they'd be like oh that's so sentimental.. it's small and cute.. cause I want them to be like wow that's gorgeous.. wow amazing ring.. and there were no responses coming that resembled that..
I'm still excited that we are engaged and he and i talked about the ring.. and he knows that it's not exactly what I wanted and has plans to someday surprise me with some more diamonds when we can afford it.. Anyways that was a long story just to get to the point... I think it's okay to have those feelings and know you're not the only one.. Talking about it helps.. and I don't think there is anything wrong with talking with him about it.. because maybe you'll get an anniversary ring with an elaborate plan in the future or maybe not.. but he should know how you're feeling about it.. even if it's liking it and not liking it all at the same time.. it is something you have to wear on your finger everyday..
Okay I really should stop rambling now..
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I am new to this board and am recently engaged (December 25). I had been pointing out Verragio and Fire and Ice engagement rings that I adored. I also suggested a lower cost engagement ring. Instead, I ended up with a promise ring. Though, I did get the style I wanted.
I got called greedy by being disappointed. I do love that I'm engaged; but, I also didn't get the guy dropping down on one knee or speech that I had expected. Instead, he just asked the question when I woke up, .. while still in bed.
I thought I moved past this, but then I got a new Wedding magazine. In the middle of it, the magazine listed how guys should propose and how to pick out a ring.
I agree that I feel I'm being greedy, but I really don't know if I should say something, or just keep the feelings to myself. I guess that's why I'm posting on here..
Anyone else not get the proposal they imagined or the type of ring they had hoped for? If so, how'd things work out?