Post # 1
I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years now, and this year for my birthday he gifted me a beautiful promise ring. He bought it for me on my birthday after I picked it out online, and as he was buying it I asked him if he would say something nice (about what it means to him) when he gave it to me. I very excitedly waited for it, checking the mail first every day, and today (the only day I miss it of course) the postal slip was left at the house. As soon as he came home from school, I jumped in his car so we could go to the post office together before it closed. He said that he had too much to do, and that I could go by myself. That was fine with me, because I wanted my ring! He also asked me not to open the package, but I warned him that I was so excited that I just might.
When I received the package, I felt around and felt that it contained a box. I opened the mailing package, but not the box (only because it was sealed with a sticker…lol). When I got home, I raced inside and handed him the box so that he could give it to me and say something nice. He was mad at me that I opened it, but I obviously hadn’t because the box was sealed. The kicker was that he gave me the box and said:
“Here, I love you.”
I thought: Ugh, that’s it? Here, Ily? That’s not even a whole tweet. So naturally I tear open the box and dote on my ring, and then I get pouty. I just wanted him to say something about what he promises, what this ring means to him, anything really. So then I start being pouty and he says that he had no time to prepare anything, that he doesn’t know what to say and he’s not good at that stuff. Then I say if we ever get married that’s what I’m going to engrave inside his ring. Are all guys like this or just mine?? Do I have a right to be pouty and kinda mad??
(Bonus Shrek quote:But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!)
Post # 3
I’m lucky that my boyfriend is really vocal about his feelings, but sometimes, the basics mean the most. The most emotional my boyfriend has ever been have been the times when he has the least to say. He might also just feel a little blindsided, maybe he truly isn’t good with words, and thought that just saying he loves you is saying something nice. This is a good opportunity for you guys to open up the ocmmunication. Maybe he didn’t know he had to outline his promise to you.
Post # 4
Sorry, I think you’re way out of line.
Post # 5
You’re out of line. Pouting is not a good way to respond to a generous gift, regardless of what he said. If he said something like, “You’re a b*tch,” I could see getting upset. But “Here, I love you” isn’t something to complain about. He was honest and said he didn’t have time to prepare anything. Your post makes it sound like the ring is more important than the commitment it symbolizes–you said you doted on your ring, but then got all pouty because the whole thing didn’t go the way you wanted it to. =/
Post # 6
I do think you’re being a little ridiculous also. He got you a lovely gift, and maybe he’s a man of few words- I don’t know. But it also sounds like you practically pushed him into purchasing the ring to begin with. You picked it out- you went to pick it up- etc, he didn’t have a lot to do with this, maybe if he had gotten to do it himself that would of helped?
Post # 7
I would have felt the same way, but the other ladies are mostly right to say you need a reality check. I don’t think they’re right to say that for you it was mostly about the ring–you wanted a commitment and an experience to go along with that commitment. Don’t be surprised if that experience isn’t a one-moment thing, but a new mode in your relationship that you only gradually become aware of. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s how it worked for me after a proposal that was slightly disappointing for some of the same reasons you cite.
Post # 8
Even the fact that you had to ask him to say something nice when he gave it to you makes me raise my eyebrows… I don’t doubt your relationship or anything but I agree with the above posters, if you want it to come from the heart, you can’t have him force it. Picking out your own ring, half opening it, then expecting a heartfelt monologue just doesn’t connect.
Post # 9
I think, “Here, I love you,” is a nice thing to say! He bought it for you because he knew you would like it. If I were in your situation, I might have been a bit disappointed had he thrown it at me instead of handing it to me, however I do think that he meant well!
Do you think the reason why you’re disappointed is because you were hoping for an engagement ring instead of a promise ring?
Post # 10
@ariakay: You have the right to feel the way that you do. Talk to him about how you feel and that way he understands how important those things are to you. If you express how you feel now, hopefully his proposal will make up for it!
@snowflake119 and @Statutory Grape: You have no way to tell anyone to feel a certain way.
Post # 11
@des_salazar: We were not. We were saying she was being a tad ungrateful–there’s a big difference. Pouting over an outcome that you (shouldn’t be controlling in the first place, really) found less than desirable is a bit childish. There are other, more productive, ways to deal with the situation.
Post # 12
The whole thing has kind of lost the whole meaning when you push him into doing everything. Telling him you ‘want him’ to say something nice when he gives it to you is kind of ridiculous. That’s like telling your future husband exactly how you want him to propose to you. That is their one time to plan something all on their own, and being involved in it (with the expception of telling them ring preferences) cheapens the whole experience. He probably felt uncomfortable and like you were putting a lot of pressure on him. You will probably find the more you push him and ask him to do things like that, the less he will do it on his own.
Post # 13
I think the problem is, like the PP’s said, that you took too much control over the situation. I know how that is because I’m pretty much a super-planner and like to know about situations in advance (which is a nice way to say control freak I guess?). Right now I am waiting on a proposal and I have to stop myself from telling him “Oh, it would be so nice if your proposed here” or things like that. I’ve given him some guidance, because it’s not like me to totally shut up, and he appreciates the advice.
For your guy it might have been hard because as soon as the ring was home, you wanted to open it and he had to say something on the fly. I think you should just sit down with him and discuss it. If you’re hoping for an engagement ring in the near future just let him know how you feel and that you would be so happy if he planned a nice proposal. If you know how he feels about you, cherish that and feel secure in your relationship, even if this didn’t go as you hoped.
Post # 15
Also, I want to add: Don’t let these responses discourage you from staying on the Bee. I know a year or so ago I was on here and got terrible responses to something I had posted about waiting and “pressuring” my guy. It upset me and I left. Now things have moved on more and I’m trying to keep my skin thick. Every relationship is different and we don’t know your whole story.
(I also think some of the engaged bees don’t remember how hard waiting can be, but that’s just my opinion)
Post # 16
I don’t think you are out of line. He could have bought you a card or something after you specifically told him that it was important to you for it to be accompanied by some sort of sentiment. No one is too busy to pick up a birthday card.
But, staying mad doesn’t solve anything. I’d just explain how you feel and leave it at that. No pouting. You can use this opportunity to express to your future Fiance how you feel about these types of things, if he doesn’t already know.
I’m at the other extreme- my Fiance knows that if he got down on one knee and spouted some romantic mumbo-jumbo (especially if it were in public) I would not be impressed. And most women like those sort of things. I do think you have to communicate your expectations, and I disagree that it “cheapens the experience.”