Promised a vacation but now DH is dragging his feet. I'm peeved.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How close are you to your trip? I will admit, I get.. nervous… before I travel and start having second thoughts about almost any trip I take, even ones that I was really excited for! It really does take getting there for me to get excited again. If it’s something you want to do, I say still go. Going to Peru, even with a grumpy gus, will be so much better than any spa weekend you could plan.

Post # 3
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Talk to him. Ask him how he’d feel if you acted “over it” when conceiving, carrying and birthing your future children. Tell him what you told us about feeling sad that he is not excited to travel with you and that his bored attitude is ruining it for you. If he doesn’t shape up, plan a trip for yourself like you said, but F that noise about a spa weekend. Maybe Macchu Picchu is a bit ambitious for a first trip, so go to Paris or Tokyo or somewhere super amazing but a little easier to handle as a first-time traveler. Don’t let him talk you out of it, he’s being selfish. Travel is such a mind-broadening experience, you never regret it.

 

eta – or get one of your coolest girlfriends to travel with you!!!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  ohnatto.
Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

mnp:  Plan your trip and get excited! Ignore Grumpy. He’ll get over it once he gets actually there. I’m planning our pre-TTC trip too but my DH is nowhere near as excited as I am. I’ve never been to Europe but he lived there for 5 years while attending university so he’s been to all of the great cities we’re visiting. I can tell he’ll be more excited when we actually touch down and he gets to show everything to me.

Post # 8
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

mnp:  I’ve been here…although we weren’t trying to conceive. I think some men (this is just my opinion) dont like being told what and when to do something. Have you tried to include him in the planning process? Asking him if you can compromise on location if he can decide on a place he wants to do.

To be honest I wouldn’t want someone to plan a whole trip that they just really wanted to go on and just have them slot me in becuase I am their companion.

Post # 9
Member
42453 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mnp:  He already told you that he’ll get excited when you get there. Can that not be enough for you?

Post # 10
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

mnp:  You could always negotiate for a “babymoon” as well. Love the idea of that.

 

Post # 11
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m jealous! Machu Pichu is approaching the top of my list and I’ve hear great things about it! I think that sounds like a great pre-TTC trip!

I wouldn’t let his attitude get to you. Honestly, I’ve done 90% of the vacation planning when my husband and I go on big trips. We’ve both traveled internationally prior to meeting each other, but myself more extensively.

Some people just don’t like the plannig process. And, to be honest, here are times I like it and find it exciting and times when it’s just a drag and a pain in the rear. But however it gets planned, it’s always fun once you get there! And he said that he’ll have fun once he gets there. He just doesn’t like the planning process. And nobody likes a 15 hour flight – I take ibuprofen and benadryl and try to sleep through as much as possible. 

So I’d just resign yourself to planning most of it yourself. Maybe give him a few very specific things to research and book. And share your excitement here or with friends. It would be totally acceptable to tell him that you’d appreciate it if he didn’t constantly bring up traveling with exes – he probably doesn’t realize he’s doing it or how it makes you feel. When it comes to guys, I believe in being as clear and specific as possible. They don’t really take hints and pouts. And remember to think about things from his perspective. If he’s got the baby bug and is itching to start TTC, he might see the trip and something to get through before he gets to start TTC. Have you thought about starting to TTC while on the trip? You’ll just be TTC, so it shouldn’t limit what you can do or drinking alcohol. And that way you both have something to look forward to!

Post # 12
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

mnp:  I think pre-TTC and Babymoon trips are becoming pretty standard for middle class couples.

Post # 14
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

mnp:  Aw, that is tough. Is he maybe worried for the financial aspect? I know in the past my SO tried to feign indifference as he really just didn’t want to spend the money. Just a thought? Maybe to him he would rather have baby, and save money for your future. That is a very “man” way to look at things.

Post # 15
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

I would be super frustrated, too! Sorry, when we are shelling out big bucks to take a fancy vacation– I would expect my DH to should a little enthusiasm. Not everyone gets to do these types of things, and I am sure he WILL be excited when y’all get there, but it isn’t asking a lot to try and put on the excited face beforehand.

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