Promised to propose…how to deal with dignity

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly? If it’s eating you up, just ask!  My fiancé and I were together for a similar amount of time, and we were always very open in talking about getting engaged. He was just waiting to save up enough, but we still kept an open dialogue about when it would likely happen.  Plus, let’s be real here–is an engagement ever really a surprise when you’ve been with someone for such a loooooong time?  I think that in the eyes of many people, an engagement becomes sort of expected at a certain point.  

Getting engaged involves two people, and you deserve to have some say in it!  Just ask him about it in a nonthreatening and encouraging way. 

Post # 3
Member
3361 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

lalanono:  I was in a very similar situation. Broke up for a day after 4 years, sudden “revelation” on his part that he wanted to be with me, moved across the country, things went back to normal, broke up with me 6 years in because he still wasn’t sure about me. 

Not saying that’s what’s going to happen to you, but in my experience, if a guy’s not proposing (or seriously planning a proposal), it’s because he’s not sure that he wants to marry you (yet, or ever).

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  SithLady.
Post # 6
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It sounds like he has a plan! Just under 2 months left. Maybe you could slide that into conversation without elaborating. However, the holidays are a popular time to propose! That could be his plan.

Post # 7
Member
1711 posts
Bumble bee

Keep your sanity by holding him to his word.

Write down a deadline on a calendar and stick to it. If he doesn’t propose by New Year’s day, or the end of January, if you’re feeling generous, end the relationship. Don’t tell him about the deadline or your plans to end the relationship, because he set the deadline himself by saying that he would propose by 2015. 

He’ll either propose like he said he would or he won’t, so just sit back and keep your deadline in mind. You’ve already made it clear what you want in life and what you intend to do if he doesn’t propose, so it’s all up to him now. Hold him to his word, and leave him if he breaks it. Don’t give him anymore chances if he breaks his word, either; end it for good. 

A good way to keep your sanity while waiting these next two months, is to write down your thoughts and feelings. Get all your thinking out on paper, and treat yourself to relaxing baths and other things you like that will put your mind at ease. However, if it’s all too much for you and you need to end the relationship or distance yourself before the end of the year, go ahead and do that. Your health and sanity is what’s most important, so do what’s in your best interest. 

Post # 8
Member
45 posts
Newbee

I was with a guy for three years, we lived together after a few months of dating and after two and a half years (I was about your age at the time) I began to mention it as well. I felt like it should have already happened with so much time passed by and us living together for three years! Honestly, it ruins it. It wasnt as special because it had been discussed. I would just relax, take a deep breath. Whats the big hurry, I mean, you may not realize it now but you’re only 24!!!!! That is so young! Oh well if youve been together for 4.5 years, you started dating young!! I think if you just drop this in your mind, and let fate take the wheel, it will probably happen when you least expect it. If not, you will either implode this relationship with the underlying pressure, or ruin the specialness of it bc its expected!

Post # 9
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Christmas and NYE are super popular holidays to propose on, maybe that’s why he made the deadline what it is? I would hold onto hope there, he said he’d do it, so don’t stop trusting him there. My FI didn’t propose until 8 months after we picked out ring styles we liked. He wanted to wait for the perfect moment.

 

if he doesn’t, you should stick to your guns.

Post # 10
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

lalanono:  I’m confused: he said he would propose by 2015, and by my calculations we are still in 2014 so why are you freaking out and crying all the time? If you wanted something sooner, you should’ve said that at the time. And just because he hasn’t talked to you about any romantic plans doesn’t mean he hasn’t made any. Have you considered he wants it to be a surprise, just like he explicitly said he wants?? I don’t get the panic.

Post # 11
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Well, the good news is that the deadline hasn’t passed yet. The even better news is that you have a firm deadline so you know exactly when to draw the line if he hasn’t proposed yet.

If this is really freaking you out, I think it is probably worth having a gentle ‘check-in’ conversation to see where things are at. If you have any strong feelings about the type of rings you like, you could mention that then. Try to be sweet, loving and understanding when you do this (rather than upset/angry). You’ve dropped the subject for months so if he proceeds to starts accusing you of ‘nagging’ or getting defensive or upset, I would see that as a red flag. Then leave it for the next couple of months and see what happens.

Post # 12
Member
47 posts
Newbee

i don’t think it would be a bad ida to touch base and confirm he’s still gunning for ‘by 2015’ for your own sanity. you have a right to an understanding of your future. signs are good if he treats you so well and ha asked re: ring but never hurt to nudge 😉

Post # 13
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

To be honest I would be pretty upset, it seems like hes dragging his feet again after making promises. Why the wait if he had realised he wants to spend his life with you. Talk is cheap. I’d be ready to walk in January. 

Post # 14
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’ve still got a couple more months, and December is engagement season! I wouldn’t sweat it too much, but like PP’s said, make a deadline in your head and stick to it!

Post # 15
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d wait until the new years, that’s such a popular time for people that he might be planning it for then. 

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