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Maybe he was just so nervous that's all he could do.. did he propose without the ring or with a ring?
personally i feel sorry for guys - some of the womens expectations out there are huge and i think some women need to get a grip
technically i havent been proposed to although we are now married - lets just say its R-rated but i find it a funny story and i dont sit at home resentful that he didnt get on bended knee, flowers and orchestra ect
Well I think it is super situation-specific. If he proposed with some comment about how he just couldn't wait one minute longer, that is kind of sweet. Like he was so overcome at even such a mundane moment he couldn't stand to not ask her.
The not wanting to ring shop is kind of suspect though. Could go either way :/
My fiance proposed at my house. I was living with my parents. He came over under the pretense of taking me out and just asked me in my kitchen. I thought it was perfect. He is usually such a ham and has to be the center of attention, so I was worried that he would do something over-the-top and impersonal. In the end, he said that at the end of the day, we are low-key people and we should have a low-key proposal. I loved it.
But at least it was sort of thought out. I think a ring is a nice gesture. Knowing that your guy planned something feels really good.
My fiance proposed to me when we were in bed. None of the stuff you mentioned were present.
Some people just don't go for that stuff :)
My fiance knelt beside the bed with the ring and then climbed into bed with me afterwards. No flowers and I think we went to Burger King afterwards 
my FI didn't make a big deal of it, but he did go ring-shopping and picked me the best ring ever, and waited until we went on a cruise mini-vacation to find the perfect moment...so really, it was low key but perfect. every couple is different, but i think a little effort is nice =D
We were just hanging out on our couch when my husband asked me to marry him. We bought the ring together, and when the sales lady gave us the ring I put it on. It was absolutely perfect for us. Have you talked to your fiance about this?
@crebre80 - no ring?
Thanks guys for the opposing view...
I just feel bad for her because she is so embarrased that she is shopping for her own ring she isnt telling anyone she is engaged!
The fact that he didn't even bother to stop her from working on her laptop before asking, didn't make any other speech and isn't helping her shop for a ring is really, really not cool.
Does he think marriage is easy? It's gonna be work too, especially if you thought the PROPOSAL was work!
Normally I'd say that an at home proposal is totally sweet and completely what I want, but the fact that she's ring shopping by HERSELF and that he's over in an hour is completely and totally not sitting well with me. This should be really special to both of them and the fact that he can't even make himself go with her for that... it bothers me.
although my then FI was part of the ring shopping - when it come to any other purchase hes like "you do the ground work and tell me when you have the final 3"
i know my new curtains is different to someones e-ring but thats what i did, i searched and researched and eventually i took him to the store and said what about these and he said yep - maybe your friends FI is like this?
My fiance proposed at home - in bed, also. On valentines day. After a day of breakfast in bed, a surprise massage at a spa, lunch, choc. covered strawberries, champagne.
I can't imagine having the t.v. on or being in front of a computer. I know a lot of huys aren't into planning all the romantic stuff, but he could've done something.
I think its a total cop-out. Something similar happened to my friend, but she didnt really seem to mind. I, on the other hand was really sad that he didnt put forth the effort to show her how much she really means to him.
To me, its not so much receiving flowers or candy, but knowing that he took the time to plan something really special out for such an important time in my life.
I would have kindly asked him to try again! lol
If my guy did that to me...yeah, total cop-out. The man has cooked me filet mignon, written me a song, and sprinkled rose petals over my head while I take a shower. A proposal that unenthusiastic would be highly uncharacteristic and just make me laugh.
The proposal itself may not necessarily be a cop-out in their situation, but he should show more interest in picking a ring and the other parts of the wedding process. I had a proposal that was just as unromantic and ringless before, and he took it back shortly after. Does he understand what he's doing? Really, she should NOT be embarassed to tell people she's engaged. That definitely says there's something wrong with the picture.
Well, an hour IS an awfully long time to be looking at rings :-) We went looking for wedding bands the other day and I was ready to call it quits after about an hour. Doesn't mean I love my FH any less.
As for asking with the TV on while she was on the computer... um... maybe the guy has a social anxiety disorder?
I went ring shopping by myself. DH got tired of going with me. How is that a big deal? Not every guy LOVES to spend 8 hours a day shopping. It doesn't have to be this magical ordeal with a couple ya know. Sometimes it just works like this.
And BTW, I think their proposal is just extra low-key. Some people are like that. Who says dinner and flowers have to be involved? All that romantic mushy stuff is unheard of in my world...i wouldn't even expect it or dream of it! So maybe it's just "not them". But if she's embarassed/upset by it, she should speak up.
The tv being on I think is not okay though....I wouldn't like that.
Just b/c somebody doesn't jump through a million hoops doesn't mean she doesn't mean the world to him, though.
Booooo to the tv being on and your friend working on her laptop! FI proposed to me in the privacy and comforts of our own living room, but it was super sweet and initmate (definitely NO TV or other distractions on)!
Man - if he's that disinterested in putting forth effort on the proposal, I hope she's not expecting any help at all with the wedding planning.
hmmm honestly i think he probably just couldn't wait any longer and was so excited... and is your friend picky about jewelry? maybe he's given her a chunk of cash to go crazy with?? and is working so that he could pay her bills.... i don't think it's a cop out i think (someone on the board put it this way and to me it was one of the most beautiful things i have ever heard) he turned a perfectly ordinary moment into an extraordinary one...
I might get comments for this, but he could have done better, but if she likes it, she likes it.
I wouldn't mind getting engaged at home. I do expect him to turn the tv, DVD, computer, radio or whatever off and look me in the eyes and ask me the question.
I would be ticked if I'm on weddingbee talking about something and missed it. I know you may not remember a lot, but I want to see and hear everything.lol
I do have to say that I got a very low key proposal: My (then) fi called me into the bedroom on a Sunday night to help him put a blanket on the bed, I was grumbling about him not being able to do ANYTHING by himself while putting the blanket on, turned around and he's on one knee with the ring asking me to marry him.
I'll admit it. I asked him if he was joking. It was just so anti-climactic! Poor him.
But in his defense, I apparently messed up an entire weekend of planned proposal! We went on a trip where he told my parents and planned on asking me at my childhood home (not in front of them), but I kept rushing out of the room when he was trying to get me alone, blah blah. Long story short, he got sick of waiting for the perfect moment which I kept seeming to mess up, and just asked.
He got the ring for me, so I can't comment on that. But I am not into jewelry, we bought our wedding bands online. I would probably get sick of "ring shopping" after about 10 minutes. All my jewelry is from my husband or my best friend, I can't pick jewelry to save my life.
Well given that she is dissapointed it doesn't sound like he really put much thought into what she would want - not even turning off the tv! Honestly, I think it is a bit underwhelming and his lack of effort to help her find a ring would be a let down to me too... especially saying he is "over it". if that is how my guy did it, I would wonder how serious he was about it....
I don't necessarily think it's a cop-out, but it depends on the situation and the people involved. If she is embarrassed and disappointed, then it may be a cop-out. But if it fits how they usually interact and celebrate occasions (in a low-key way), then maybe her expectations were uncommunicated and therefore unexpected by her FI.
I had a pretty low-key proposal - he actually cooked dinner earlier that night, we had wine, but nothing materialized then and we went out with a bunch of friends. We came home that night, I got into yoga pants and sat down on the couch to watch SportsCenter & check e-mail. He surprised me then on the couch! It was perfect because he knew I was suspicious (thanks to the scallops & homemade risotto he'd cooked) and wanted to catch me off guard, but couldn't wait any longer (he'd just gotten the ring the day before)! It was a very "us" proposal - we are not about huge gestures and I would have freaked out (in a bad way) about anything public.
(And my FI is extremely involved in the wedding planning!)
While I understand that ring shopping is tedious and kinda boring, the OP made it sound like she didn't LIKE ring shopping by herself... I think that's one of the times a boy needs to suck it up, get over himself and go with her so she's not super intimidated all by herself. That being said, if she liked going by herself I don't see a problem with it at all! My boy will probably get bored with it, but then again, so will I! My heart is just sad if it's not what she wants.
maybe 'cop out' isn't the right term... in my mind it just seems too ... random. Like, I can't imagine he planned it that way - "Okay, I'll wait til a commercial next Thursday and then ask her". I guess ... I'd rather know SOME thought was put into it.
The only way I can see this being 'okay' is if he's been pressuring himself and nervously putting it off, and gave him a deadline (you know, like in Empire Records) - "I'll propose to her by 1. 1:30. 1:37. I will propose to her by 1:37 exactly." and then all of a sudden he realised his time was up and he needed to do it NOW.
I guess you could say J 'proposed' to me over webcam if you want to count ANY and EVERY instance of being asked to marry someone as a proposal. But I don't consider three hours into a normal conversation about our relationship leading to "you are gonna marry me, right?" to be a proposal. It's just part of the discussion process.
I just want to ditto what EJS said. Everybody's different, and huge romantic gestures just make some people feel really awkward and they find other ways of expressing themselves. You didn't really mention whether or not your friend was satisfied or what she was expecting. As long as they're both happy with it, who cares? That's all the matters.
Except for that she's embarrassed about shopping for the ring alone - he probably should suck it up and go for more than a hour to help her out. That seems kind of inconsiderate of him.
Well. It depends on the couple and how they just are around each other and together. I would hope at least he would have turned off the tv.
What to me is more telling is he is "so over" ring shopping with her after one hour. It would make me wonder if his heart is really in it.
I am super old fashioned. I want a guy to get down on one knee, flowers, ring in hand, and be somewhere somewhat romantic and ask me. But that's just me and it just kinda depends on the couple. My guy already knows this.
Most guys don't LIKE looking at jewelry. . .my fiancee and i didn't for MONTHS after he proposed to me. . .I looked around alot, he didn't. It was 7-8 months that I found a great sale for certified, non conflit diamond jewelry that we got the engagment ring. . .he and I picked out rings at the store and I tried them on. He picked out the one he liked the most. . .the ring he felt was THE ONE. So some guys, it takes awhile. . .but it doesn't mean they don't care or they aren't interested anymore. . .ALSO, my fiancee HATES being in a jewelry store for more than 10-15 minutes or bath and beauty store. . .he'd rather be at electronics store. . .so i hope your friend doesn't take it personally. . .some men just don't like shopping whatsoever for anything except video games, electronics, record stores, sports stores, skaterboarding stores. . .stuff like that.
I wouldn't say my fiancee was LAZY, but i do think it could have been planned at little bit better. We were on a short vacation and he waited til the night he wanted to proposed to call around to set up reservations to a nice restaruant. He didn't consider i was a weeknight, he didn't realize they closed early. He also didn't set up the hotel stays in advance either. So hunting for a hotel room and a restaurant with only a couple of hours to spare before our 3 year anniversary would be over. . .he last minute proposed on the side of the beach a few minutes before midnight. We ended up eating papa john's pizza in our hotel room. I wouldn't say LAZY is the word, unprepared, probably. . .I think is was sweet but he told me he wanted to do more. He did get down on one knee at the beach, he asked me if i would make him the happiest man alive. . .no ring in hand but i told him i didn't NEED that simply because I have short, stumpy fingers so finding a proper engagement ring that we'd both like wasn't going to happen. I would like him to ask me again the way HE wanted to someday. . .
oh wow! She was on her laptop and he has the tv on? She didn't hear him the first time, that would have crushed my fiancee and he PROBABLY would have stormed off, NOT asking again. . .well at least for a very long while anyway. Maybe he didn't think it would take that long to shop for a ring? Most guys DO NOT think like gals. . .maybe she should shop online and just show him pictures off and on for little bit. Not like everyday, but every 2 days or more. . .that's what my friend is doing right now and that is what I did also. . .it keeps them INTERESTED without them feeling overwhelmed or "nagged" (that's what my fiancee calls something that i keep "bugging" him about that's girly). It is possible that he could have been scared of the prices of the rings, but I don't know the couple. . .that's one thing that scared my aunt and uncle when they were shopping for an engagment ring.
agree that not everyone wants a "big romantic gesture", but some semblance of thought going into proposing to someone to spend their life with you seems reasonable....
One of my friends got the question as she stepped out of the shower. A coworker was sitting on the couch watching tv. My sister had just climbed in to bed. We went to IHOP after we finished our proposal hike. All of us- thrilled it happened. Everyone's dream is different. My FI didn't pick out a ring- he wanted me to pick out what I wanted. Yes, we could have done so beforehand, but he also wanted to surprise me. I went ring shopping alone, and at times I didn't like it. But I also know that he gets bored after 5 minutes of grocery shopping and take him to a mall, well, he'll do it for me, but it isn't the most fun. When it came down to making the final purchase, he was there the whole way, making sure we were purchasing exactly what I wanted, and he even had some ideas. Was I embarrassed shopping alone or talking about being engaged? Yes. Do you know how many funny or poor you looks I got when word spread around work. Evidently we missed the you must propose with a ring law! So at times I wasn't always happy with the situation, but it worked out. I wouldn't offer an opinion to your friend unless she specifically says she is disappointed in the whole thing.
A proposal has little to do with a good relationship or marriage (same with weddings!). If your friend is happy with her relationship, it's not really any of your business to judge the petty stuff.
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I have set up a bit of poll here, but a friend at work just got engaged.
He proposed at home, in front of the TV, didnt get down on one knee, no flowers, no cooking dinner, no "i love you this much" speech, no ring - to me this equals NO EFFORT at all?
I think a proposal in your own home can be the most sweetest, romantic thing, if there is effort - a bunch of flowers, a nice meal, most importantly good conversation! She wasnt even watching the TV, she was on her laptop working and actually didnt hear him the first time and said "what?"
I completely understand that guys may not know what to get, the girl wants to help choose the ring, etc. However, she is now ring shopping ON HER OWN.... because he is "over it" after an hour in 1 jewellery shop?
I obviously havent said anything to them, but am i being a bit nieve to think that i would at least want SOME forethought before proposing, rather than, "oh look NCIS is on, and by the way will you marry me?"