- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Two days ago my FI and I had dinner in a nice restaurant. There was a couple sitting next to us and at the end of dinner, the guy proposed to the lady. My FI told me that the couple next to us was just got engaged (I didn’t see it because I was checking something on my phone while my FI was away to a washroom).
I didn’t think much about it, but then my FI asked me if I was sad because I wasn’t proposed in a fancy restaurant.
A background story. We were having a row 2 days before his proposal, and during those 2 days, we didn’t talk. When we met again, we cleared up the misunderstanding and made up, and the next thing I knew, he was on his knee and proposed to me. It was kinda spontaneous for him, he didn’t even have a ring ready. I was a bit sad at first because I wanted a more planed proposal, but I let it go because a proposal is just a proposal, right? What matters is our future together. And I was touched that he still wanted to marry me even after we had a fight.
Back to the restaurant and his question. I told him no. Then I asked him what made him want to propose that night (given the situation). He told me that one reason was because he felt guilty for not having proposed to me despite our wedding talk and his mom’s talking. (The other reason was that he was afraid I’d change my mind about forgiving him after the row)
Another background: we’ve been friends for 10 years before we got together, and 1 month into the relationship the subject of marriage came up, and not long after that the wedding topic, though we didn’t discuss it elaborately, just something of “I want a this/that kind of wedding”. So, 7 months into the relationship, we got engaged and have been engaged for 8 months now.
And the thing about his mom? We’re Asian and according to our culture, we’re not so young anymore (older generation of Asian can be so obsessed with getting married). We got together in March. In June, I met his parents for the first time. We both live overseas, so his parents and my parents met when they took us to the airport. After we returned, my mom called me and told me that his mom wished us to get married by December of the same year. Obviously, we ignored her. Then she wished us to get married in September the following year, because it’s an auspicious month for Chinese. Another request that I ignored. We will get married when we are ready and we will choose our wedding date by ourselves, thank you.
I’m fine not having a proposal of my dream, but when I heard that one reason why he proposed was out of guilt, I felt hurt.
Is it normal for guys to feel like that they have to (instead of want to) propose?
Am I being irrational or over-reacting for being upset with his reason (eventhough it’s just one of the reasons, and not the only reason) ?
Perhaps not every girl gets lucky getting a proposal. Let our decision to get married be a mutual one, not something that is started by a proposal.
But now I’m re-thinking about marrying him because I feel that he doesn’t know me. He’s a sweet and great guy, but seriously, sometimes he can be so stupid.