Proposal went great…but she thinks the ring is too small

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i don’t think you should dump her but she is being really materialistic. it’s just a ring and she knew your budget. if i were you, i’d be pissed at her. if she wanted a big ass diamond, then she should’ve picked a simple setting such as a solitaire. tell her if she wants to upgrade to a bigger stone, then she’ll have to change the setting or it’s just not an affordable option. i get really tired of women being disappointed with their ring. it’s materialistic and, IMO, selfish. definitely tell her you’re upset about it and remind her that she knew your budget. it sounds like she had some really unrealistic ideas of what diamonds cost (or she knew and thought you’d blow your budget for her). 

eta- that ring is gorgeous and does not look small at all. she has a lot of side stones which adds to the sparkle. 


Post # 4
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think that ring is beautiful!  I’ve read postings and stuff where people want bigger rings or stones, and personally I think its kind of sad.  I feel like it shouldn’t be the size of the stone or the price that matters, but the thought behind it.  Unfortunately, I don’t really have any advice on how you should handle this.  I don’t think you should dump her…since you guys are very honest with each other she probably felt it was better to tell you the truth than not.  I think you need to explain to her the thought and time you put into it and that it is what you can afford.  You guys can always look at a diamond wedding band to add to it? Good luck and i’m sorry that you have to deal with this.

Post # 5
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AverageTom99:  Oh boy. This girl is obviously way too focused on comparing herself with others. That would be a huge turn off to me. What’s it going to be next? Who has the most expensive wedding? A race to who gets the biggest house? Who has kids first? She should cough up the money herself if she wants a bigger ring. End of story. After all, if you do marry her, I assume you will have combined finances anyway. btw her ring looks pretty substantial to me.

Post # 6
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If this woman has been good to you and treated you well in your time together dumping her over this would probably be a bad idea. It sounds like she has unrealistic expectations about what she could have within your budget. If she makes more money than you and wants more than you can afford she should put her money where her mouth is and come up with the cash to have what she wants. Otherwise she should accept what she was given. 

Post # 7
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@AverageTom99:  That’s a hard one. It sucks because she knew the budget but at the same time she has to wear it for the rest of her life so she wants to love it. I’m betting she didn’t grasp how expensive diamonds are. Maybe take her to the shop with you and have them show you the options. She has to make a compromise on the setting or the stone. You may have been better off doing what you originally wanted to do and putting all the money in the diamond. I think she needs to understand the money aspect. If I hadn’t gone with my FI to check out rings and learn about diamonds I would never have known how expensive these things are.

Post # 8
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@AverageTom99:  $4K is an extremely fair amount of cash to sink into a ring.  If you bought the setting she liked then she should get over it or be willing to compromise on some aspect of the diamond.  If she likes the setting, have it reset with a larger diamond that has inclusions or a lower grade color.  Some women just want the biggest stone you can afford.

However, not being happy with the ring could also indicate more troubles to come.  I wasn’t happy with the ring I received for my first engagement because I was so focused on the ring that I didn’t really want to marry the guy who proposed.  I would be concerned if I were you that she is more concerned with impressing or outdoing her friends than she is with actually marrying you (and the ring is only the first thing you are going to have to upgrade in life to make her happy.)

Post # 9
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@AverageTom99:  I’m not sure I’d dump her, but it does raise a number of red flags. Since she knew about your budget up front and she’s the one that chose the ring, I think that at the very least you need to be honest with her.  Obviously she has no problem voicing her concerns and dissapointment, this is a two-way street.  The ring you got her is amazing looking and I know so many brides that would love to have such a ring.  I would not break up with her (just yet), but definately do not move forward with any wedding plans until you have had several heart-to-heart discussions. You are right to be troubled, this is not a good thing and could spell major problems for the future.  Don’t make any wedding plans.  Have a cooling off period and talk about it. Then decide what to do.  

From what you’ve said she does sound matertialistic, esp. if she’s comparing her ring to her friends, engagement rings are not competition trophies, they’re tokens of love. Look at her other past behavior to see if this is an ongoing pattern (if so, I’d seriously reconsider).

Post # 10
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

Her expectations were not realistic. She knew your budget, and she wanted an intricate setting and big, bright white diamond. Not gonna happen for 4k. 

As for what to do, that’s up to you guys. Can she put money toward an upgrade, and would you be comfortable with that?

Post # 11
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m sorry to hear that 🙁 

In defense of the future bride, I think lots of women would love big diamond rings. Thanks to Pinterest, many women have “dream” rings that are simply not in their boyfriend’s budget. My fiance also spent about 4000 on my e-ring. I love it. Do I wish it were bigger? Sure. But I would also feel guilty saddling him with more debt than he could pay off, especially when we just bought  house and will be paying for a portion of our wedding. Ultimately, I don’t think she should have told you that she didn’t like it, unless it was not the style she liked. There’s really not much you can do about it at this point. Many people upgrade their rings after 10, 20, 25 years…I guess she will just have to wait until then. 

Post # 12
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@AverageTom99:  I am sorry your proposal didn’t turn out the way you planned. Your FI is being materialistic and shallow. While I would never encourage someone to dump someone unless there was abuse/violence, you have to take a look far ahead of you and see if you can put up with this kind of reaction going forward. I’m sure you will have more opportunities for gifts/surprises down the line. What if she reacts the same way over your Honeymoon suggestion or your wedding suggestion and so on and so forth. If she wants a happy relationship, she needs to stop comparing herself to her friends – nothing good ever comes of that.

Also, as someone who makes more than my FI – I find her reaction to be a yellow flag. She seems to want things that her friends have – well, I’m going to guess that her friends are engaged to/married to men who make more than them. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but her reaction hints that she may start resenting you down the road for not providing enough to fulfill her fantasy life. This is only speculating though so please don’t take it as the final word. Just something to think about.

Post # 13
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly I don’t know what she expected when you clearly told her your budget. I probably wouldn’t dump her, but I feel like she is being really unfair about this. Maybe talk it over and come to an agreement about upgrading the ring in 5 or 10 years? I really don’t know why it matters if her’s in the smallest of all of her friends’ rings :-/

For what its worth, I think its a beauitful ring.


Post # 14
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I can see both sides.. The first engagement ring I got had a huge glitch.. The ring had a hole in the setting and it was quite literally, not a square shape in the halo. It was so poorly made that people would point it out to me and say “Did you know your ring isn’t shaped right?”  That ring was returned after trying to get it fixed for quite some time, and we ended up going with a moissanite ring.. But if the ring I had looked anything like that gorgeous ring you got her, I would have happily kept it and loved it forever.. Both my original ring and new ring were under 2grand… Four grand is more than enough to make a girl happy.. By far…

Personally, I would dump her.. Why would you want to be with someone who can’t appreciate a perfect and beautiful gift like that?? It’s one thing if the ring was made badly like mine.. But no defects??? That ring is perfect!

Post # 15
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AverageTom99:  Can you still return the ring without penalty? My FI got my ring from we got a ring worth 5,000 for 2250. If she doesn’t mind a used ring she could get a HUGE ring with your 4k budget on the site

Post # 16
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@AverageTom99:  I agree with your friends.  You have to ask yourself, if you spent $4k on a gift for anyone else and they said it wasn’t good enough, would you still want to be around them?  Would they seem ungrateful to you?  I know it would seem that way to me.

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