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I dont actually know if my boyfriend has a ring yet (he keeps teasing that he has, and it is somewhere in the house, or maybe its not, or maybe he doesnt even have it yet??) and he has told me that he plans on proposing before my 27th birthday, which is 15 months away!!! We have been dating for over 4 years and im getting over a year warning of a proposal????
At least i know it is not going to be for at least a few months, my parents are currently sailing from San Fransisco to Sydney and he hasnt asked my dad yet!
Good spot for a rant here!!! There is always a sympathetic ear/eyes!!
Ugh, I thought it was torture too! It's hard for us modern women to sit around and wait for our guys to plan a proposal when the rest of the relationship was built on doing things together! I totally feel your pain.
((HUGS)) we're here for the ranting!! so no worries, trust me we've all been there will be there and sometimes will be back where you are :D
Hey, just letting you know, you aren't alone. I waited...for about 8 or 9 months. It was pure torture! But, really, looking back it wasn't that bad. After it was official the frustration literally melted away.
While you are waiting, try not to agonize over it. Keep busy, it'll happen!
I know exactly how you feel....this is actually why I found wedding bee way back in April. BE PATIENT...I know it is tough, but getting grupmy will only hurt the situation. He wants to have his part in it and wants to do it on his time. He will come around and trust me it will be worth it. Just try and put it out of your mind, pretend you don't know about the ring. WeddingBee is your friend and will help you get through the waiting process. You can checkout my old posts waiting and getting frustrated and finally getting the ring. Mine was a very tough wait, but now I am happily engaged and waiting to find a venue and set a date.
*hugs to you* I can imagine it's frustrating.
I'm glad my FI just shocked me out of nowhere and picked out a ring all on his own. This kind of thing is exactly why I told him I didn't want any hints, any ring shopping as a couple etc. etc. I find it much more romantic when the guy decides, picks out a ring and pops the question out of nowhere.
BUT...I found out after he asked, that he had the ring for over 3 months and HE was the one going nuts waiting for the day he picked to propose to arrive. He said it drove him crazy. He wanted to tell me so many times.
So maybe your bf is just as anxious as you are.
I totally understand what you mean....that's why I'm glad I don't know anything about the ring or have a timeline.LOL. It would drive me crazy. I did think it was better to have some idea, but I'm glad I don't now.lol
I was in your shoes just 4 months ago. My FI wanted to really surprise me and he did. I finally started thinking we were already engaged and went on with life in this way. That's when it finally happened. He had the ring for a whole month before proposing. Just try not to think about it or did like I did and begin thinking like you're engaged.
As someone who did not understand the need for a proposal after we'd already decided to get married, my question is, "Have you told him how you feel?" I can say with certainty a "surprise" proposal is not necessary to be excited about your marriage, or to have a beautiful and romantic wedding. I can't tell if you are being a little facetious or not, but if you really think you are beyond the point where you would enjoy the moment, tell him! It's not like he doesn't know you know he's planning a proposal. I guess if it's really important to him, you might have to wait. But my sister and I both ended up where we decided to get married (in my case he got me the fancy jewelry--no ring b/c I didn't want one), and then our husband's planned a celebratory weekend a week or two later. For me that was awesome, and my sister still talks about the w/e he has. I don't know, I think I simply could not act all surprised about a proposal if I already knew he was planning it. And what we did felt more natural to me, and it was still fun and romantic.
fizicsGirl, that setup sounds great to me. I feel like we've already made the decision to get married, so why can't we just get this show on the road? He seems to feel it's necessary to have a movie-style moment in order to mark our commitment, which isn't really representative of myself or him.
He's aware that I'm frustrated, but seems to be listening to the advice of some of his female friends "to make it special". They mean well, and I appreciate the thought, but I feel that our relationship is already special, and there's nothing to add to our decision to be committed to one another.
I am going to have to just suck it up and deal with it, because it does seem to be important to him. And we're almost always on the same page on everything else, so I really don't have much to complain about :-p
I think you're forcing it to not be romantic!! Get your mind off of it, and let him plan and ask as he feels comfortable.
I knew my fiance bought me a ring (almost 3 months before he proposed) and I knew he was planning something for the weekend, but I put it out of my mind. It was way more fun and romantic for me not to bother him/ask questions/complain to others...
You know it's going to happen, so just give him a chance to do it on his own time! I promise it will be SO much better than if you just obsess over it... In the meantime, start researching photographers/reception and ceremony locations, etc. You'll be ahead of the game.
I did the same thing - I stayed "dressed-up" for a while and the minute I let my guard down, that boy was on one knee... It was my needing-to-be-swept kitchen floor, I was seriously dirty and had been cleaning in the garage that day - but you know what? It was perfect and I wouldn't change it... Relax and take a deep breath, it will happen
I have never understood the big romantic proposal, either. In my first marriage, he proposed over the phone--which was just fine by me. This time, I was the one doing the proposing, and probably did only a little better than that. (Because we're a same-sex couple, and gay marriage is still a legal morass, I really wasn't sure of her answer, even though I knew she wanted to be with me, so I was incredibly nervous.)
As far as I'm concerned, if you two both know you are getting married, you can just start considering yourself engaged, or you can propose to him. A big "surprise" proposal is just making you frustrated, which is so not the idea.
I don't get it either but it's important to some guys. (some) guys like to do big romantic proposals. They like to be THAT guy who makes you cry with joy and does stuff you can brag about to your friends. Just chill and let him have his moment. :)
*hugs hugs* here's hoping he gets it out of his mind soon that there will be some perfect moment on some perfect day and that you'll graciously wait around for that moment ... Have you talked to him about this like one-to-one in an even level-headed manner? Maybe ... he'll start to see some light on the subject soon!
Men just don't understand the AGONY we go thru!!!
Distract yourself by planning your wedding.
Colors, flowers, choosing bridesmaids, music, hair, makeup, etc.
Continue to dress up. Try new cosmetics, try new color combinations, think about what you want to wear at the rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, engagement pic, wedding, etc etc etc.
btw - I've studied portrait photography. You prob want to go with a matte face makeup and lipstick and over do the blush so the pics turn out right.
Men think weddings plan themselves so don't worry about planning everything with him.
If he can't figure out a proposal he def doesn't have serious opinions about wedding planning.
Exception: Men care about the non-cake food and music so involve him with this.
And he will catch heck from his family if he gets the invitation list and dinner seating wrong. Work w/ his mum.
Mani Pedis are very soothing!
:) At least he realized you need to go ring shopping. My boyfriend (not yet fiancee) has a mild "oh...wait...she needs a ring" moment the other night. He apparently clueless how this usually goes down. But! There is still hope, and it's kinda cute that your boy wants it to be perfect. Mine will probably hand it to me while I'm doing the dishes.
@KMSull That is hilarious! At this point I'd be happy to get the ring while doing the dishes though :-p I hate to promote gender stereotypes, but it's just like guys are incapable of thinking through stuff like this.
@alishaneva You're absolutely right that there will be no perfect day or perfect anything. And as far as waiting around, I am definitely tired of it! We've been talking about getting engaged for over a year now and the ring has been in hand for over a month. I'm so resentful at his foot-dragging that all possible romance has already been sucked out of the situation for me. It's going to be all I can do to be gracious about it when he finally does get around to asking.
@camellia: you sound like me wanting to smack him when he finally asks lol... seriously i am much better than i was last week (major meltdown week).... i think if you just come on here and blow steam as often as you need to then things will get better with your bf. and you won't think about it as much because you've vented here so it's like whew glad that's off my chest you know?
I loved your line "feeling the need to be constantly well dressed is killing me"...lol! I totally know what you mean! When that was me, I was like "gosh darn it, when can I stop shaving my legs every day?!"
I agree. But Manfriend told me that he absolutely refuses to propose without a ring. he feels like when I tell all my friends and classmates that he proposed I should have something to show for it. I don't agree, but I guess that's notmy decision to make. It is sweet that he's putting so much thought into it for you, sounds to me like he jst wants to make sure it's perfect
Just relax, and try to stop guessing. : ) I "spoiled" my fiance's attempts to propose several times 'cause I was too quick to guess his plans!
I know! The torture is UNBEARABLE..... I am trying to avoid talking to him about anything wedding at all costs.... and now I'm addicted to weddingbee
My parents had a two part proposal. My dad was home for grad school and I guess on Friday night he gave her flowers and asked her to marry him or said he wanted to marry her, and then they went the next day and looked at rings (or else her friend pointed out the one in the jewelry store she liked, i can't remember). The next day or maybe two days later (he had them swap the stone for something slightly bigger) he took her to a spot to do the official proposal with ring, so that they'd have a special place to come back to. Funny thing is, now their 'special spot' is in a town they haven't lived in for a couple of decades, plus that part of town isn't the safest place anymore. So much for picking a special spot. ;-)
Mr Banana has been asking me for over a year to marry him. Finally I got a bit fed up and told him that one of his recent asking counted. He liked that, although it's not official or public. I would say that we're secretly engaged, but then it wouldn't be a secret anymore, would it? ;-) It's funny, I even have a text message saved on my phone that says something like "marry me soon". But he wants a special proposal with a ring, and sometimes it drives me crazy waiting. Especially since my family and my close friends know he's been asking me unofficially.
I feel you. at least you know youre getting a proposal. my boyfriend talks about us getting married, hes even asked me how i want to be proposed to but if i ever bring up "so when do you think we'll get married?", he just says "when the time is right" ugh, i hope the time is right soon!
funny that i remember seeing this post awhile back but i guess i was too early in my waiting stages to truly empathize. but i am there now! i am so torn between just wanting the damn ring and getting on with it, and wanting something really romantic and special. not that the two have to be mutually exclusive. but yeah, i don't think guys realize that, especially for those of us who have been w/our BFs for 3+ years, they are just adding salt to the wound by prolonging the whole process. i wish i had some hints, or clues, or SOMETHING. BF and I had the serious marriage/engagement talk at the beginning of Sept. he opened a savings account at the end of Oct. he asked what i was interested in ring-wise and what my size was at the beginning of Nov. i sent him my ring size, links to styles of rings i like, and a short list of places he can go shopping for said ring about 3 weeks ago. when will he propose? no idea! and the agony continues!
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I think I've decided that proposals suck! Here I am twiddling my thumbs while my boyfriend tries to think of something appropriately "romantic"...after I've already picked out the ring and am fully aware he has it in his possession. Can you say unromantic??? I'm completely frustrated, and have no idea how to get the snakes in my head to quit telling me that he hasn't proposed yet because he doesn't really want to marry me. I just want to be sane and enjoy spending time with my boyfriend again! This lame anticipation and feeling the need to be constantly well-dressed is killing me...and any potential romance :-p
If they don't want to surprise you with a ring, why can't they just take you ring-shopping AFTER the dadgum proposal??
We've been dating over 3 years, and yeah, I want to get married. But this setup is awful for both parties! And from what I see on the board here, it's pretty normal. This is not a sustainable norm! Thanks for letting me rant...I've been driving my friends crazy!