- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I always thought I would have my parents' first grandchild, but my younger brother and SIL just had a baby, so it won't be me. I have heard lots of people talk about the joys of having the first grandchild (lots of attention, people volunteering to babysit, etc.) but am trying to think of the pros of not having the first grandchild. So far, I've come up with people being more understanding of things related to the baby. (Although with my brother wanting a parade of people visiting, I'm afraid they will get upset that I won't welcome that.) So please let me know what pros and cons you see of each. Thanks!
i was just thinking about this b/c we're probably going to have the first grandchild in my family, 2nd for my husbands. i'm the baby in the family so i'm used to having my older siblings go through everything before me and then i follow and learn from them. that won't be able to happen now! i'm really not worried about my husband's parents not giving us or our child a lot of attention. they were so excited for us to get married, and i'm sure they'll have that same excitment, if not more, for a grandchild.
I always took for granted that i would NOT have the first grandchild because my brother is 8 years older than me. Who would've guessed that we'd get married within 6 months of each other and that his FI would only be 20?! I could definitely see them waiting longer than us to have kids... so now its really a crap-shoot haha.
The biggest benefit I see of not having the first grandkid is that your sibling will already have parenting experience before you get started. If we had kids prior to when my brother did I probably wouldn't want him to babysit because he's not really a "kid" person and I wouldn't think he'd want to or know what to do. But if he's a dad first he'll kind of become a kid person and he'll have some experience, so it will be another resource for babysitters.
Honestly (and maybe this isn't true of your family but I think its true of most), I really don't think it matters what order the grandkids are in. I know my parents will make as big a deal over the 2nd as the 1st. I'm one of the later grandkids on both sides of my family and I didn't feel like my grandparents loved us even a little less than the older ones (and there were a LOT on both sides).
The ONLY thing I'm concerned about us me and my brother's FI getting pregnant at the same time. We really got shocked when he proposed to a (then 19 year old) girl he'd been dating for 6 months when my FI was already ring shopping, so I do feel that our thunder got stolen a bit with wedding planning because all discussions revolve around BOTH our weddings... I would really hate if the same thing happened with pregnancy.
I know my MIL will be...over the moon....when we have the first baby. Which is nice, but I am assuming it'll become overwhelming. Too much attention, too mnay visits, too many toys....TOO MUCH! I am the type who loves privacy, but I have a feeling that each weekend will be booked with visits to see "how much the baby has grown....since Sunday".
I wish FI's little sister would pop 'em out first! Sure would take some pressure off me!
@corgitales. i was actually thinking it would be nice if my sil got pregnant at the same time as me! i hate being center of attention, and that would take some of it away from me. plus i'd have someone close to go through it with.
@artbee- If i liked her/was close to her I would probably feel the same way. but i don't. i find her pretty immature/annoying. now if one of my friends wanted to get pregnant at the same time as me, THAT would be ideal!
I'm grateful my SIL already had two kids and we get to "follow" in a few years. It has given me insight into how DH's family is with the grandkids. Plus i can ask my SIL all kinds of questions. It's a non-issue in my family, though.
i'll be the 1st on my side and not the first on his so i'm pretty happy with that. i don't think it matters alot, being the 1st on both sides might be at bit much though as you're the one that sets the precident for everything and the attention might be a little overwhelming
Our situation is interesting because our future baby will most likely be my parents' first grandchild and my husband's parents' last grandchild. I am the oldest in my family and he is the youngest (by a lot!) I am happy that our child will probably be my parents' first because of all of the obvious reasons, the excitement, etc. but I am secretly happy that our child will be his parents' last because his fam can be a bit overbearing and maybe since they have 6 other grandchildren they'll be mellowed out!
I think it depends on how far the grandkids are apart in age. My sister's kids are 10 and 16, so it's been a while since my parents have seen a little baby. My brother and girlfriend are expecting so I think they will get the love from my parents just like my sister's nephew.
Now since we are planning on having kids in about a year, my brother might have taken that "first grandkid" feeling.
I will probably be the only one having any since my brothers FI can't have anymore kids (she has a 14 year old daughter)
We will not be the first, barring an unfortunate event, since FBIL & FSIL are a few years older than us and have it made it known that they are on a 5 year plan (about 1 year in) whereas we plan to wait about 10 more years.
For me, there are ups and downs to having the second kid... I feel like there will be less pressure in regards to things that R's mom would have gotten upset with us about (we don't want to baptize our kids) since she will already have other grandkids. But at the same time, they get the first names! Which is sad, since I have two picked out.
We're getting married in July and FI's sister is getting married in February. I would think it's up in the air as to who will have the first grandchild. I'd rather it was them. We live a distance from FI's parents whereas his sister lives near by. I think the experience would be more fun for them if their own daughter had their first grandchild. I'll probably be the first on my side.
FI is an only child, so we'll have the ONLY grandkids for his parents. As for my side, my younger sister is still in college, but her and her boyfriend will probably get married after they graduate (have been together since highschool, like me and FI!) and they want to have kids right away, whereas we want to wait a few years....so it could be a tossup as to which one of us has em first! (I hope I do though!)
I will hopefully have the first grandkid for my parents because I am 24 and my brothers are 11 and 9!! I think that my FI sister will beat us on that side though because she is engaged as well but they already own a home and are much more settled them my FI and I.
There's a tradition in my family that there's a first name that every first-born son has. My dad is the oldest, his dad was the oldest, my brother is the oldest and they all have the same first name. It's seriously been going on for like 8 generations. I love that my family has this history but i really want my brother to have the first kids so he can name his first son that name. I'd feel bad if I had a son before he does, like i'd be ruining the tradition. I know it's silly but I think it's really cool and there's no precident for the non-oldest in our family having kids first (I'm the youngest).
I don't want to have kids first. I don't want all that attention and whatnot. I'd also want to have a sibling to turn to for help and stuff. I don't want to be the go-to baby person :)
my brother had the first one ten years ago! I don't think it matters - and I know it is different for my mom to have her daughter have a child than her daughter in law...an upside to being second is that people are really just as excited but might give you a bit more space!
oh, i forgot about names! we're jewish so we have to name our children after dead relatives, so we're kind of limited in names. some people use just the first letter, but even so if one of them take the person that i would like to name my child after i'll have to pick someone else.
We will most likely have the first grandkid on both sides. My older brother is married but his wife wants to wait 3 years or so whereas I only want to wait about a year. I think it will be a nice balance for us because the kids will get spoiled with lots of love and attention.. BUT.. since we live half way across the country people can't just drop by or expect to see the kids every weekend. If we were still at home.. my husband's family would be around ALL.THE.TIME becuase they all live within a 10 mile radius of each other and that's just what they do. Too much for me.
We will most likely be the first for both our parents. We are the oldest. FI's sister is 19, single, and in college, headed the pre-med route, and my sis is 19, in a relationship, working toward a psychology degree. I can't imagine either one of them having a baby. My little brother is only 12 and scared of girls still.
I will like being the first, I think. :) Just like I like being the first to get married.
My dad was the first, I was the first, My daughter was the first.. and now she's also my grandparent's (dad side) first great grandchild... We all had special treatment and i know i wish that the way my dad is now and the way my grandparents are now is how they were when i was born.. I got faaarrr too much attention and i rebelled to continue putting on a show.. Everyone is more relaxed now and i wish that the pressure of succeeding wasnt on me all the time.
But... on my moms side, mom was 3rd, i'm 3rd, and my daughter is the 2nd great grandbaby... no pressure whatsoever and they love us for who we are.
I'm the youngest and not only that but both of my SILs have already had their tubes tied, so I'm having all the LAST grandbabies. The benefits of not being the first are:
Sadly, the possibility is out the window for me on my side of the family since my little sister has 2 babies. But, it's likely we'll have the first grandchild on my hubby's side. So, in a way I think we'll get the best of both worlds! :)
I'm glad we're not the first! I wouldn't want that kind of pressure! We're getting plenty of attention being the 6th on my side and the 4th on his side. If we were the first, I think everyone would be all over us and that just doesn't suit us!
My kids are the "firsts" in our families. The top three things that make me wish my kids weren't the first round:
#1 By the time the younger kids come along the grandparents have calmed down a bit and are less likely to get on you about your parenting methods.
#2 Hand-me-downs are fabulous.
#3 "Youngers" aren't expected to constantly be on call baby sitters.
I could go on and on but I'll keep it short :)
There's a part of me that wishes that we'd be the first but overall I'm glad we're after the first for the reasons listed above. The only thing that'll drive me crazy is if Fiance's family assumes or expects me to parent like Fiance's Sister and Brother in Law. I'm totally different and if I need help, I'll ask...but I'm independent and like to keep it that way...
It doesn't matter since my older sister had my parent's first grandkid 5 years ago and FI's dad has 3 grandkids already (FI is from 2nd, later, marriage). The only one who doesn't have grandkids between our two families is his mom and i know we'll have her first, but I think she'd be crazy excited if it was the first or the ten billionth, ya know?
we just told my inlaws i'm pregnant. they already have a grandchild from my husband's brother. my mil cried for about 1/2, happy tears, and told her husband that he needs to work more so they can start buying baby clothes. there's no issue with her being any less excited.
I'm just as excited with my 2nd as with my first!!! She will be here anytime now--she's due to arrive 6-5-10!!!! I can't wait!!! Each child is special!!! :)
My FSIL just had the first grandchild 5 weeks ago... and I'm glad I'm not the first kick at that can. We were just talking yesterday, and FMIL has been at their house EVERY weekend since the baby came home... without fail. She's feeling a little over loved I guess you chould say. Also... she's already talking about helping me pack my bag for the hospital and has lots of practical advice.... we'll be the first to have grand kids on my family's side unless hell freezes over and my sister decides to start a family with her FI early!! lol!!
As the one likely to have the first on both sides, my main concern is that I won't get to be an aunty before I'm a mummy :( All my friends are aunties and I love the idea of spending time with children and getting to know them really well and being the awesome aunty. But as I'm the eldest and the next sibling is 4 years younger than me, it's highly unlikely I'll get to do that. DH is an only child so it's a moot point on his side. I do like the idea of the excitement of having the first though - my parents both come from big families, my youngest cousin was just born 6 months ago and they are like the 26th grandchild and it does get a bit more ordinary by that point, for the rest of the family at least.
I will probably be first on my side. @ guitargirl, one pretty big perk (I think) of not being first is gettling less pressure to have kids in the first place! I love kids and FI and I definitely want them, but we're on kind of a 2.5-4-year timeframe, whereas my mom has less it be known (often) that she is DYING to be a grandmother, and I think she wants us more on a 1 day (ha!) - 1.5 year timeframe. FI's family already has a bunch of grandkids, which is good b/c I don't think I could deal w/ that pressure from both sides!
My FI is the last of his siblings to have kids, and I will be the first in my family (my youngest sister just turned 16).
I am glad it will be the first grandkid on my families side because I know they will spoil them rotten but from afar.
I am also glad it will be the last grandchild in my FI's family. We are going to wait until all the other grandkids are a bit older (min age 5 or so) before we have kids so that everyone will have "baby fever" again. It is a bit wierd though because his to BIL's talk about getting snipped already and we haven't even gotten married. It will be nice to have prior experience to relate to.
Unless we have problems getting preg (when we decide to) we'll be the first on my side. And I have like 25 or something cousins! We were also the first to get married.
FI has 4 younger siblings, none of which have kids. Two of his 3 cousins have daughters but they live in another state so we don't get to see them often. So we wouldn't be first in his whole family but would be first out of his immediate family (and in-state family.) His mom is insane. She has been pushing us to have kids since 2007. She was so miserable during wedding planning (in our face trying to "help" by telling us what to do, not asking how she COULD help, putting down what I wanted, etc) that I PRAYED one of his siblings would get preg/get a girl preg. One of his brothers has gotten 2 girls preg (who both got abortions... so sad) and I really hoped it would happen with a girl who was pro-life! Of course that's just a selfish wish, but truly with a MIL like that it's great to not be in the spotlight.
I am pretty sure we'll be the first in my fam and the first in his immediate fam. However his sibs have more of chance of a "whoops" with their dating/lifestyle choices, so we'll see.
I should add that being first in my family is fine, since they're not the smothery-types at ALL, and my mom was the oldest of 10 - aka the YOUNGEST and his 6-year-younger-than-him wife are having kids! They currently have a 2 year old (my cousin) so that's hand me downs and recent advice there, plus I've seen how helpful my family is with her. Definitely wish I lived in the same state as my fam :(
The best part of not having the first baby: Hand-me-downs & less "advice" on how to be a good parent.
I voted that it doesn't matter because, regardless of the birth order, Grandma & Grandpa will be over the moon with excitement that their family is growing! In my FIs case, I think his parents thought it'd never happen so I know they'll spoil any future offspring we may have! haha
We will most likely have the first grandchild on both sides, since we are both the oldest in our families. He has one sister who is in college and doesn't plan to settle down until well after graduate school. My two brothers still have 2-4 years left in college as well and neither has a gf. Who knows though because accidents happen so any of them could still end up having one first. Either way it won't really matter in our families. His sister can do no wrong so if she has one first it'll be different then if he does. They had a idea in their head of what they wanted his life to be and he hasn't followed it at all. So since we don't plan to wait till our 30's like they want, they'll most likely be disappointed either way. My mom is all about kids, so she'll be excited for each and every grand kid. My dad will be neutral about any.
Interesting post...& had I seen it 8 months ago, I would have mourned the fact that we are not the first on Hubs' side (BIL & SIL have a two year old daughter). Hubs was the first on his side (there are only 4 grandchildren for his paternal Grandmother, only 2 for his maternal Grandmother) & he was doted on. I wasn't the first on my mom's side (although the first wasn't doted on & the favorite was about 2 years younger than me), but I WAS the first granddaughter on my dad's side...and I was spoiled rotten.
However, as the only child on my side, our Kid (due in March) will be the "first" grandchild (my mom practically adopted two of my older cousins & one of them has a 12 year old & a 6 year old) & my parents are pretty stoked. On Hubs' side, BIL & SIL are dealing with some resistance from the ILs about sending their daughter to pre-school at the "tender age" of 2 years old. It's causing some friction, since the ILs are the primary care givers outside BIL & SIL...they babysit her 4 days a week, all day. Since we're 300+ miles away from the ILs, & 3,000+ miles away from my parents, our kid will get love, affection, & gifts without the overbearing visits...so, NOW I'm pretty happy with NOT being first.
I think it would be nice to not have the first, because then even though your child will be the oldest in your family, there will be an older cousin as well. So your oldest kid still gets the benefit of having an older sibling. Plus you'll have the benefit of being able to ask your SIL about pregnancy, etc. And the grandparents will still be excited, I'd imagine.
On his side of the family, we won't be having the first grandchild. FI's sister is pregnant with the first now and due in June. We don't plan on starting to try for at least another two years.
On my side, I am the only child so our child would be the first grandchild for my parents.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 89 |
| beargoose | 54 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| ndreighton | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| MrsPom | 35 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| joy2011 | 4 |
| bostongirl27 | 4 |
| roxy821 | 3 |
| Running Elley | 2 |
| DHillwig | 2 |
| flamingred | 1 |
| bunny | 1 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| Jenn23 | 1 |
| Gabrielle123 | 1 |
