Post # 1
My DH and I are trying to figure out what the best soultion would be for us and our family and I would like other SAHM or SAHD input. What are pros? What are the cons? How has your marriage been affected by it? How has it been your LO? Do you miss time with your husband? Are struggling in any way?
Post # 2
With mat-leave being a full leave here, I kind of got the idea of what being a SAHM would be like, and after this baby, it’s looking like I may be a full-time SAHM until DD starts school in a couple years. Here’s what I gathered from my previous experience.
- Spending invaluable time watching my child grow and develop. being there for all the milestones was amazing.
- Being able to cook more healthy, home-cooked meals
- More fufillment (this may not apply to everyone, but I was much more fufilled being a mom than working)
- An easier time keeping up on housework
- Forming a close bond with my DD
- Making my own schedule, less things to juggle
- No work drama to deal with
- No need to buy work clothes
- More time to spend on getting in shape after baby!
- Being more attentive to DH: I can make his lunches, bake him all sorts of goodies, have his laudry cleaned & put away, have the beds made, floors clean, etc.
- Boredom (as much as I loved being a SAHM, it was hard not to go out and spend a ton of money for boredom’s sake. Staring at the inside of your house day after day allows you to come up with a number of ideas on how to decorate..lol). There’s also the issue of your kiddos getting bored– it can be tough to come up with cheap ideas to keep kids entertained so you both don’t go wacky!
- Tighter budgeting. Even with the mat-leave benefits that I had coming in, I had to really get strict on living off one income.
- Never getting a break. At least now that I am working, I get a break from being mama…but when you’re a SAHM, that doesn’t happen very often!
- Feeling more antsy when DH is away. Being at home all day long, rather that being out of the house and working, makes me want DH home right away after he’s done work.
- Resentment: it works both ways, and although it was never a big problem with DH and I, I would find myself a little resentful of DH working outside of the home, and he would sometimes feel quite an amount of pressure being the only person bringing in an income. I always felt bad spending ANY money on myself, since I wasn’t out making it.
- Lack of social interaction for your child: until I put DD in daycare, I didn’t realize how important and beneficial it would be for her to be away from me, and with other kids.
- More of a need to have a “rainy day fund.” With only one person working, it’s essential to have a substantial back-up fund, as well as disability/critical illness insurance.
Post # 3
urchin: That was an awesome outline!! Which do you personally prefer?
Post # 4
eecuadrado: It’s really hard to say which I prefer, as I find enjoyment in both. After about 10 months at home with DD, I was ready to work again, something that I couldn’t believe, because previously I DREADED returning to work.
With the possibility that I will be a SAHM for a much longer period with the arrival of our next baby, in just under a month, I am a bit torn. Realistically, I will be helping DH run his company, and I will probably return to a job where I can work a shift or two per week, in the evenings, just to stay sane.
I LOVE being a SAHM, but after the kids are in school, I will definitely be working full time again.
Post # 5
One thing to consider is the retirement earning you’ll give up and whether re-entry into the workplace will be difficult in your field.
ETA: ok, that’s 2 things.
Post # 6
urchin: I hear ya!! They both their benefits and their downfalls. So your DD went to daycare? How did she like it?
Post # 7
eecuadrado: Our situation is a bit different bc budgeting isn’t really a factor. Obviously I don’t go spent hundreds of dollars everyday on extras but we are very comfortable on DHs salary and don’t have to really worry as long as we don’t go nuts. We have a house, cars, emergency fund and retirement as well. I also own property w my brother that I am earning an income off of through tenants so I make money while not working.
That being said our comfortable lifestyle requires my DH to work a lot. He has a great job but his position keeps him busy. He’s gone from 6am to 8pm everyday. If I were working I’d have no help from him at all during the week. Me being home makes it easy for both of us. I handle all errands, cleaning, shopping etc.
It’s great being home w my daughter. I love it. You need to make sure you’re busy though or you will go nuts at home! Libraries usually have free play groups and story times. I also joined a new baby group when my daughter was small and made friends to have free play dates at the park or at someone’s house. Social interaction for her is really important! It’s also easy to lose yourself at home. I make sure to get dressed everyday and workout and shower and feel good about myself. My mom takes my DD one day a week so I have me time. Our son is due any day and my mom will continue to take the 2 of them one day and I’m hiring a sitter on another day for the baby so I can take my daughter to a one on one music class.
I plan to return to work in about 5 years. I’m keeping current on my licenses and certifications for when the time comes. Good luck!
I know you just went back to work recently so be sure that this is something you really want and not just having a hard time adjusting the first few weeks back.
Post # 8
Ballet513: That’s great!! It’s awesome to hear that you keep your DD and yourself busy so that you don’t lose yourself. Super important! You’re very lucky to be able to do that.
DH and I thought about me being SAHM before DS was born but now even more since I’ve returned to work.
Post # 9
I have been a stay at home mom for two years. I struggled with the idea in the beginning because after I graduated I only worked full time for three years before quitting, this meant I still had student loans. I tried going back to work after maternity leave. I was at work for 3 months while my mother in law stayed home with my baby (I was terrified of the idea of leaving my baby with strangers at daycare and it broke my heart to think that he would be under the care of someone that didn’t love him like I would). I resented her for telling about all the milestones she witnessed while I was gone and all the pictures she sent me while I was at work made me feel worse. I worked with my husband so we always took breaks together and drove to and from work together. I do miss having that time with him and I miss feeling like I am contributing financially but I still feel important. I am able to make breakfast for my family every morning play with my baby. We have play dates often so we get out a lot. I have never had a day where I’ve been bored. We clean, exercise, play, bake, cook… I love being a stay at home mom. We have had to make a few sacrifices but I think it’s worth it. I never had anyone stay at home when I was growing up and I find that I resented my parents for working too much. And for what? Money?? That’s not what’s important. I understand if you need to work to feed your family but most people i know don’t. They work to have the fun expensive toys and lavish vacations. For me, I think it’s more important to be there and be present. We road trip more and do little weekend getaways once a year we do one exotic vacation so we still aren’t “hurting” just had to make adjustments (we downsized our house, sold our motorcycles, sold our cars and paid cash for our current older cars).
I was initially worried that I would get lonely but I haven’t yet. I enjoy my quiet time when baby is napping and…. I don’t know I just love it.
Post # 10
Pairmypear84: It’s interesting that you say that because that’s how I felt! Most of my childhood I remember being with babysitters and although I now understand why work was so important (to support us) but I still wish she could have been there more. I don’t want my son to ever say that about my husband and I. I want him to remember his childhood with mommy and daddy and the little things we could do, rather than all the extra we bring home to spend such little time with him.
Post # 11
eecuadrado: I was a SAHM for 2 years after my daughter was born
- you get to be with your baby 24/7
- bonding with your baby
- cuddling with your baby
- opportunity to do alot more cooking, baking
- moms groups/playdates
- being with your baby 24/7 can leave you worn out and tired
- you miss social interaction with people your age
- less income/budget issues
- being out of the workplace
- you can get a little cabin fever
- DH or SO might depend on you to be “domestic” all the cleaning and cooking would be on you since “you dont work”
it has been now 4 years since I have stopped being a SAHM.. was it easy all the time? No. Would I do it again? AbSOLULTELY
Post # 12
- The stay home parent takes a real risk. Should the other spouse decide to leave or the marriage disolve the out of work force parent will be far behind, with possibly limited options, and a difficult time getting a job without recent experience.
- I want to teach my (future) children to stand on their own and earn their own way. To always be able to support themselves
- The extra income can provide a real boost to the “extras” in life. I got a lot more opportunities in life because my mom worked.
I see bonding listed as a Pro. You will bond with your baby regardless. Yes you will spend more time with a kid, but it depends on the parent as to whether or not this is true quality time. Quality limited time is just as valuable as a higer quantity “meh” time.
Post # 13
eecuadrado: DD LOVES day care. So much so, that she will remain in daycare 2 days per week even while I am home on mat-leave for a year. She just gets way too much benefit out of it, socially and mentally. She is so freaking smart from being around other kids. I told DH there was no discussion on that one, I would budget, one way or another, to keep her in a couple days a week.
Post # 14
urchin: Awww well that’s awesome! Good for you mama!
Post # 15
CG4268: andielovesj: Thanks ladies! I really enjoy hearing everyone input. I know everyone is different and I love it!