(Closed) Pros and cons to having bridesmaids

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

If they are true friends – they will not stress you out about anything.  Choose your bridal party carefully and they will be an unreplaceable support system for the entire planning process and on your big day! 🙂

Post # 4
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I almost didn’t have one to eliminate drama/dress issues and all that comes with it (I hear about it way too much on these boards!).  I ended up having one as a way to honor my best friends, and also to have my closest girlfriends with me while I’m getting ready to marry my fiance.  Thankfully, there has been (knock on wood) ZERO drama from them, and they all love the dress!

Post # 5
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

We picked one very good friend each as Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor and the rest are family.  I am so thankful we have them.  They have all been so helpful and its been great to share everything with them.  

If we had picked all friends I think I would be in a different boat as there would be personality conflicts and I am sure hurt feelings since only one of them could be Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 6
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Just so you know, you have more options than bridesmaids or being alone while getting ready.

When my best friend married, she only had a flowergirl, but she asked me if I wouldn’t mind staying with her while she got ready and helping her with the dress and if I could give a speech at dinner–and I was happy to do it (and happier still that I could wear my own clothes!) I’m sure that your friends would be up to something similar if you didn’t want bridesmaids but wanted company on the day-of.

Post # 7
77 posts
Worker bee

well i would have to say on the “con” side….. initially the women are usually excited but as the planning goes on they tend to fall to the wayside and the brides tend to get pissed off at them for it……  sometimes there is a large gap between what the bride expects and what the bridesmaid is willing to give and both sides always have a point…… this has happened to almost EVERYONE i know who has gotten married…… 

i remember the first (and ONLY) time i was a maid of honour, the bride expected me to get my makeup AND nails done with her in a TRIAL RUN before her wedding “just to make sure it all goes okay” (i should add that i LOVE makeup and most of my friends ask me to do THEIR makeup for THEM.  i have done makeup for three of my friend’s weddings.  i would never pay anyone to do my makeup for me…..  i can do my own nails just fine too thank-you…..).  um, did she offer to PAY for me?  no.  did i do it?  no.  was she mad at me?  yes.  are we still friends?  no.  ’nuff said….. 

Post # 8
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hi Samantha,

I think it all comes down to how you see the ‘bridesmaid job’ and what you would expect of your bridesmaids. I would not have bridesmaid just because that is what is expected, there are many other options. Like JennyW1 says, if you are mostly worried about having company whilst getting ready there is nothing stopping you from inviting your friends, bridesmaids or not.

If you are worried about potential dress drama, just let the girls wear what they want or just give them one colour and ask them to choose any dress they like. I realise this may be a controversial opinion on weddingbee and I’m not knocking matching dresses at all, but I do think that there is no need to have your bridesmaids wear clothes that match your napkins. My personal opinion is that my friends are all grown, wonderful, responsible ladies who are more than capable of dressing themselves in an outfit that will make them feel fantastic, and there is really no need for me to tell them what to wear!

Traditions are funny things, often we take them for granted but I’m all for making your own personal choices. If you like the idea of having bridesmaids and you have good friends or family members that would fit the bill, go for it! Otherwise there is really no need for maids, your friends and family can still be there and support you on the big day without official titles.

I’m very glad my friends will be supporting me on the way to my wedding, but they will be there for me even if they’re not bridesmaids.

Good luck with your choice!


Post # 9
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We had originally planned to have one Maid of Honor and one Best Man-the two witnesses that would sign the marriage license, and that’s it. Because I felt I couldn’t choose between two girls, we ended up having two each, and turned into a large headache when one of them ducked out a month before the wedding leaving me with the dress. Thankfully, another friend (one I should have asked in the first place) fit it perfectly.

My advice…if you decide on more than one attendant each, choose carefully. These need to be women you trust to be there totally. If you think she’d be late to appointments, or even if she simply has a lot going on in life right now that’s not likely to let up, then it’s better to give them another job (reader, proram person, etc.)

Post # 10
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

in my situation, my bridesmaids have been more of a con. i think it’s because we are young (bridal party age ranges from my sister @ 16 to my best friend @ 21) and they just don’t understand the work or support needed for a wedding. they’re excited but as far as planning or organizational help – aint happenin. and that’s without the personality conflicts…

but seriously, if you like the thought of having bridesmaids, they can be a lot of fun – just choose them wisely for the smoothest sailing! 🙂

Post # 11
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Unfortunately I’ve found that bridesmaids have been more hassle than its worth.  True friends/family will help you regardless of whether or not they are in the wedding party.

Post # 12
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My Maid/Matron of Honor was my SIL because my best friend dropped out so I can’t speak about getting ready surrounded by a bunch of girls and I didn’t have a bachelorette or shower because of that.  It was still pretty stressful when my best friend dropped out though.

Post # 13
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

As long as you pick carefully and truly pick people who you are true friends with then you should be ok.  My bridesmaids were great.  It’s not just the getting ready together part.   They made sure I looked ok on the day of and if I needed anything done on the day of the wedding they helped out no questions asked.  I couldn’t have asked for better bridesmaids and was sooo glad they were there.

Post # 14
299 posts
Helper bee

We’re not having a bridal party for a variety of reasons, but I have several female friends who want to be involved, and I have told them I hope for the support and female bonding/planning of bridesmaids, just without the matchy dresses.  Only recently engaged, but everyone seems happy to help thus far.

Post # 15
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I had 2 girls, my sister and sil. The only cons I have are having to pay for their gifts, that added a lot to our budget.

I had a lot of pros! We had fun picking out dresses and all that stuff, it was really fun girl time and it was fun doing all of the prewedding events (bachelorette party and shower) with them and having bonding time. It was especially nice to have them there day of to help keep me sane while getting ready. It was so special for me to have them there, and have them stand with us. I know it meant a lot to me and I’m sure it meant a lot to them that I wanted them there.

Although really, you could ask some close friends to come get ready with you even if you’re not going to have them in your wedding party.

Post # 16
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had 2 of my closest friends. It was difficult at times coordinating days to go shopping, do our makeup trial, etc…

I did run into a couple issues with my bridesmaid (my Maid/Matron of Honor was amazing!). Bridesmaid or Best Man is VERY opinionated and I was about ready to kick her out of the wedding a few times. She wanted things HER way when it was our wedding and I had to remind her of this a few times.

But overall, I’m glad I had my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man thru out the planning and the day of the wedding.

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