Post # 1
I am newly engaged and couldn’t be happier. My (now) fiancee is the love of my life and I have no doubt that I want to spend the rest of our lives together. That being said, we have quite an exceptional age difference. I am 23 (almost 24) and she is 44 (although she doesn’t look or act it). While we are generally on the same page on just about everything, there do arise some small differences solely because we are from different generations/ different levels of life experience.
This morning we were cuddling on the couch (we often sleep seperately because our dog is really large and it just works out better). She told me that now that we’re engaged it seemed important to really have me consider whether I want children or not. While there is no decision one way or another about them between us at this point, she wanted me to consider the possibility that she may not want them because of her age if that time comes.
I understand this completely. And while I love kids, I don’t need to have my own. The only reason I would want a child with her is because we have such an amazing love and such an amazing little family, it’s hard for me to imagine not growing it to pass on our values, love, assets, etc. I wouldn’t want children if I wasn’t with her.
But I need to realize that as much as I may want to grow our family, it may not happen. Can any of you bees give me some pros of not having children to maybe cheer me up about this possibility? Thank you in advance for your support 🙂
Post # 3
Sleeping in is fantastic. 😉
More money to yourself and your fiancee!
Post # 4
Well, I’d think a bunch would be obvious 🙂
– Way more money
– Way more time
– Distinctly lower chance of being pooped on or peed on
– Not experiencing the joy of bare feet stepping on legos, etc., on a regular basis.
– Much less teenager drama in your life
The only reason TO have children is because you really, really want children despite all the drawbacks… of which there are a great deal! If you don’t happen to really, really want children, it seems like no-brainer… the world is overpopulated as it is… you are definitely not obligated to have children for other people’s sake.
Post # 5
I can think of more reasons NOT to vs to DO it. All I need to do is spend 2 hours around someone else’s child and I never want any. However, when you want one it seems that the reasons to not have one go out the window like a PP said.
Post # 6
@sellison27: You have far more freedom to explore and carry out what you want in life. And money, lots more money.
I don’t regret not having children, I just wasn’t interested in them enough to set aside my own interests in exploring life.
I have a house full of pets and we do dog rescue, so we get our nurturing in that way.
Post # 8
@sellison27: I’ve always been SURE I wanted to have kids. Since I started regularly babysitting my nephew, I’m seriously starting to rethink it. I love him so much, but my sister is 8 years younger than me and EXHAUSTED. Here are my reasons:
I like to sleep
I like to travel & go out and have money to do that
They require CONSTANT attention. Like, no more vegging out doing anything. Reading? Out. Internet? Totally limited. Hours of tv? Uh-uh.
At 34, I feel like I waited SOOOO long to find my life-long love and I’m not sure I want to share him with a child. I love just cuddling and talking and having our weekends to ourselves.
Family. You have a kid and suddenly everyone NEEDS to see you every weekend.
Post # 10
The money, the sleep, being able to go anywhere, any time!
Unless you are DYING to have kids, I don’t think you’ll miss not having them in your life–and I work in childcare!
Post # 11
Well, I am pregnant and while I am super happy/ grateful/ excited, I can list some things. First of all, pregnancy is freakin hard, at least for me. Imagine being sore, uncomfortable, unable to sleep (which really affects me!), and feeling like you are giving up your body to a (yes, beautiful) process that changes everything about it. I am glad DH is so supportive- I am in my third trimester and I seriously hurt so much all I can at the end of the day is lay down and have him massage me. And I am putting all of this lightly 🙂 I have not even begun to talk about the hormones or the emotions- I see pregnancy as much harder than I thought it would be and as a very -loving- sacrifice. I basically feel sick all of the time, it hurts to ride in the car, I am sick if I eat, sick if I don’t- and I have a low risk healthy pregnancy!
Also, there are pros and cons to everything of course- but as an artist I have not been able to work as much and that is difficult for me. It is worth the sacrifice, but I am just saying that so far just being pregnant has been a lot of sacrifice.
Post # 12
Aside from the most immediate obvious benefits of not birthing or raising a small child on a daily basis (all of which I wholeheartedly agree with), I’m personally also looking forward to avoiding the stress and heartbreak of events like kids breaking bones, going through difficult obstacles like psychological problems and growing pains, crashing the car or needing to be bailed out of jail, and other such craziness. I firmly believe my mom is a saint for dealing with my child/teenage self, and that goes double for FI’s mom raising two boys who were teenagers at the same time and loved breaking bones. Not for me, thank you, no shame in taking on easier life challenges instead.
Post # 13
-All your money for you
-Traveling for as long as you want on your own
-Sleeping late if you want to
-No having to socialize with moms from school
-Not having to figure out logistics of childcare for simple events such as a birthday party
-Not having to give birth!
-Never have to cancel anything because your child has a fever
Post # 14
Post # 15
- Sleep, sleeping in.
- More money
- Your time is your own
- You don’t have to worry about getting a babysitter for a night out
- You don’t have to cancel plans because you can’t get a babysitter
- Your house will not have a crying infant/child
- You can avoid those dreadful teenage years
- There is a significantly decreased chance of getting pooped, peed and vomited on.
- Did I mention sleep?
It’s like someone else said, the pros of not having children greatly outweight the pros of having children unless you just really want a child. I personally depend on my 9 hours of sleep a night and my freedom to basically do whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m also not very motherly towards anything that doesn’t have four legs and fur. I’m quite content being a pet parent.
Post # 16
I have a baby, but I will answer this from a mother’s viewpoint.
- Sleeping in
- Doing what you want, whenever you want
- Financial Freedom
- Your Body
- It dosn’t take you almost a hour to leave the house to run simple errands
- Having to guess what the kid wants when she is screaming at you
- Your hair is kept intact as you don’t have little hands ripping it out
- You don’t have to deal with unwanted advice
- You don’t have to worry about the first time mom syndrome where you are stressing over every little thing.
I could go on, but as joya said as a parent you are basically willing to make these sacrifices. If you are not willing then that is absolutely fine.