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What are the pros, what are the cons, and what did you/are you going to do? To find out or not to find out, that is the question! :)
I found out for both girls. There are no cons, IMO. I didn't need the extra "surprise!" when she was born, having her was enough of an experience :D
the only con i can think of is if they got the gender wrong, but they usually figure that out before you deliver! i would never be able to deal with the suspense of not knowing.
Theres no way I could wait to find out. I have zero patience and it would drive me crazy not to know.
I don't get waiting for the surprise. You're either going to get a surprise at 5 months or one at 9 months.
We found out. I'm a planner and wanted to plan accordingly. Plus, I'm so impatient and can never wait to find out surprises. :)
We didn't find out. :) It just wasn't a big deal for us to know beforehand; although I know it's opposite for a lot of people.
I would want to know!! Like @Lillindy, I would want to be able to coordinate the nursery and buy gender appropriate clothing :)
@hilsy85: See, for me it's not even about buying stuff like gender appropriate clothing, it was more like, "Okay sister, I'm having a boy, so give me all the hand me downs you've got, please don't give them away!" LOL
We did find out, but I sometimes wish that we had not. The big con for me was that once we had an idea of what the gender was (they couldn't tell for sure), everybody just took off with it. I'm very anti-pink, and it seemed that nobody was listening to that fact. I have so much pink that it's ridiculous. I would rather have said we wanted it to be a surprise so we could have received the gender neutral clothes that we wanted.
Otherwise, there are only pros. You can buy clothes, bedding, car seat, stroller, and everything with that gender in mind. If you're having a girl and want pink, you can get pink. If you're having a boy and want sports themed, you can go for it.
If you really don't care and just want gender neutral, I would just choose not to find out.
@Lillindy: Ooh for sure! I don't care so much about decorating for a gender (I want something that we can use again) but hand-me-downs are a great reason to know what you're having. Everyone wants to pass on the adorable stuff their kids have outgrown.
We're going to find out as soon as we can. I don't like saying "it" all the time - plus then we can figure out names we like (I figure why argue over boy and girl names when 50% of them won't be usable).
@camrie: We felt the same way about names, it's nice to have more of a focus!
@Superstitions: I feel you on the pink, when people were hoping it was going to be a girl, we were already swimming in pink gifts and I hate pink!
We both want to be surprised! I love gender-neutral colors and themes and just love the idea of hearing, "It's a ....." during the delivery. I totally understand why so many want to know the gender, but I've always wanted to be surprised and luckily, my husband feels the same way.
Right now, not being pregnant & not even close:
1) I HATE WAITING. The 5 hour wait from FI getting home with the ring & proposing nearly drove me insane. One Christmas I went through all the gifts & opened them & then taped them back up. Waiting 40 weeks to find out wtf is inside me? Nada. I'd go completely bonkers.
2) I kind of feel that the time you're pushing out a 7lb human being through a 10cm hole is NOT the time to go "OH LOOK GIRL/BOY!" Just, no. There's so much more going on at that time.
3) Finding out the gender makes it more "real" and would probably intestify the bond for my FI.
That being said, I have no idea when/if I'm pregnant if I'll change my mind.
i will definitely want to know--i'm terrible at surprises, super super impatient, and i'm a researcher by profession and need to find everything out i possibly can! haha. to me it's not about the gender so much as it is just that i'll want to know everything i can about the baby as soon as i can. like, we'll get gender-neutral nursery things and clothes regardless. i'll just want to know for knowing's sake :)
I think I will want to wait to find out for the first one... I don't know I think there is something special about waiting... But I can't guarantee after the first one that I would want to wait again. ;)
Cons: If people know it's a girl all they bring to the shower is PINK clothing, PINK bottles, PINK blankets, PINK EVERYTHING. My nieces room looks like it was coated in pepto-bismal.
If we have kids, we might find out and keep it to ourselves.
@o0olibelulao0o: I agree! I'm of the waiting mindset too. There would be something so special about my husband saying It's a BOY! or It's a GIRL!
We already have 2 boy names and 2 girl names picked out, so the name thing isn't an issure for us. And as much as I love pink, I love other colors just as much and my little girl will not wear ONLY pink. Plus I feel like people will get us more of the other things we need if they don't know what color clothes to buy. LOL!
I definitely want to know. I don't think I could handle the suspense for 9 months...no way, Jose! Plus I want to be able to shop for adorable things!
@Superstitions: that's why when we find out, i've told DH that we're not telling anyone else!
I definitely want to know for the first baby because the delivery will be such a suprise. I think it doens't matter as much for the second baby and I would keep that gender a suprise.
We are finding out but only telling people if it's a boy. We are Jewish and people will have to make travel arrangements for a bris on the 8th day after the birth, but if it's a girl, while we plan to have a baby naming for her, there is no date requirement so we want to put it off a little bit until we have had some time to rest up! We figure giving people advance notice so that they are ready to travel is a good idea and we can make all the arrangements on our end and mentally prepare for a house full of people.
We want to keep things (gifts, etc) gender neutral too, so this seems to be the best plan.
That said, I have three friends who are new moms. NONE of them found out and ALL of them said that not knowing was great motivation during labor.
We want to wait. A con could be that they aren't always right. One for me, not necessarily a popular opinion, is the pink means girl, blue means boy thing. Just because it's a boy doesn't mean everything has to be blue and vice versa. I imagine since blue is one of our favorite colors, even if it does turn out to be a girl, we'll have a lot of blue.
I think the ideal situation (in retrospect...he is 3 mos) would be to find out but not let anyone know we knew, lol. Not to sound ungrateful, but we really didn't need all the boy clothes we got, as we already had handmedowns, but then we didn't get some other stuff that we did need. (we had budgeted for it) I've heard (as above) this is way worse if you tell people it is a girl. You get a ton of impractical, cutesy things. Our nursery is gender neutral anyway, but I was too impatient to not know, and my mom ended up being there when we found out, so we couldn't have hid it.
I guess my reasoning is pretty superficial, though, and we will probably find out again if we have a 2nd baby.
I would like to say that there is a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference finding out when the baby is born at 9 months, and finding out in utero at 5 months. I have two children, I found out with my first and I didn't with my second. I would like to state that I am terrible at surprises and I am VERY VERY impatient. When I was younger I used to unwrap all of my christmas presents before christmas, and then wrap them back up and put them back under my moms bed. I just couldn't stand the suspense. But, the 9 months of wiating in agony that I went thru when I was pregnant with my daughter was just worth it, totally totally worth it. And I think that only people who waited, will know what I mean. If you found out what you were having, then you won't understand the experience of having that surprise when the baby's born. I completely regret finding out what I was having with my firstborn, after experiencing the surprise with my daughter. And I've never heard anyone say that after the baby was born, they wish they would have known. Yes, my labour and delivery with my son was a magical experience. But it was even more amazing with my daughter when I had no idea what she was! Its an experience of a lifetime, I can't really put it into words. Yes, logically finding out has its pros. But I wouldn't trade that moment that I had, for anything in the world whether its a perfectly coordinated nursery or a ton of baby clothes in the right color.
I voted that we're definitely not going to find out. I never wanted to find out even before I was in a position to have children and luckily my husband feels the same way. I was/am however slightly tempted to find out now that we know we're having identical twins but we'll probably leave it as a surprise (unless we can see for ourselves on an ultrasound). I wouldn't be devastated to find out but it would be fun to have the surprise (of which we have already had a couple!)
I don't really think I'd characterize finding out or not finding out as 'pros' versus 'cons' - it's really just preference! And since we don't mind if we're having girls or boys ('as long as they're healthy!) the surprise works for us!
Definitely not for first child...maybe for second child...third child hmmm might not happen
it really depends on the couple. DF didn't want to find out but I did, we discussed it and both agreed to find out. I found it a lot easier to bond with the baby, knowing what sex she is, I could finally buy clothing that wasn't yellow, white or green, lol.
I think unless I am having trouble bonding or something, we won't find out.
I like the idea of a surprise and would not want a "peto-bismal" nursery! Gender neutral either way is great!
@Bostonsmom: Thank you for sharing your story!
I don't think we are going to find out. We aren't even pregnant yet and we already know how we want to decorate the nursery - gender neutrally - so that isn't an issue. We also aren't really fans of all pink or all blue so I don't want those clothes anyways and fell that people would get us items we need instead of clothing if they don't know what we are having. So, the logical-ness of finding out is no big deal for us, and I feel the finding out at birth when I can hold my baby in my arms would be so worth the wait.
@caszos: even though I know the sex, you wouldn't be able to tell from my nursery! The only thing that is really girly are clothes that were hand me downs from family.
We did not find out and it was perfect. At first my husband REALLY wanted to know - but as the pregnancy went on he cared less and started to enjoy the anticipation of the surprise.
I loved the "It's A Boy" moment in the delivery room! For me - that's they way it's supposed to be. Traditional/Old Fashioned - whatever you want to call it.
Biggest pro to NOT finding out. It saved me a helluva lot of money. All the clothes/toys are so so tempting - but since we didn't know I couldn't buy anything. It was great :)
We're not finding out with this first one. We may with the second one (if that ends up happening for us). We both waffled a little bit once we actually got pregnant but in the end decided on waiting. Let me say that we're both super practical and I'm a huge planner but it hasn't been nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Like others, I didn't want all pink or all blue clothing, nursery, etc. And I'd like big ticket items like strollers and car seats to be gender-neutral anyway since the next baby could be the other gender. A few pros of not finding out--I've heard that it can be a big motivator during labor. Also, people are more likely to give you gifts that you really need. And, honestly, I'd much rather shop for the fun, cute things myself. I guess what it boils down to for me is that there are so few big wonderful surprises in life. I wanted to keep this one.
@candicemcc:couldn't agree more! especially with wanting to shop for the fun cute things myself. that's what I most look forward to! :)
@cannotwait: I'm not pregnant, but my sister is and just recently had a very similar experience. We were not going to host a baby shower for her (for a whole number of reasons) so her friends stepped up and did it mostly because "the really need the stuff." Which is true, they are very young, and this baby was a surprise, and financially they aren't ready. Its also the first in our 'generation' so there aren't a ton of hand-me-downs to go around.
But the baby shower was FULL of clothes. And not necessarily all pink (OH! I can't wait to meet that baby girl!! EEK!), because Sis and her husband don't like pink, but still WAY more clothes. In fact, i was the ONLY one who bought her stuff off her registry. I know this may fall into the "expectations" and "registry" debate, but the purpose of this shower was that they NEED the things on their registry. And everyone going into it knew that.
So I can definitely see that as a Con. But that's only from my sister's experience. Other than that, we are all VERY happy to know she's a baby girl. But all that matters is that she is HEALTHY.
Im not pregnant or even close to it but I think I will want to wait. At least for my first child I would like to be surprised. I dont want people buying things specifically for one gender. Ive heard that at baby showers when people know the sex they tend to buy more clothing whereas at the ones where its a surprise they tend to buy more necessary items. DH hates surprises though but I think this is one hes just going to have to hold out for!
We aren't TTC yet, but since I've had such bad baby fever for over a year, I've definitely thought about this! I tend to go back and forth a lot so I voted that I'm not sure. In some ways, I think it would be fun to find out at delivery (especially since that would be a motivator!) However, DH has said he would want to know so he can prepare himself. He doesn't like surprises really. He's too analytical. The only reason I would want to know is because I'd like to be able to know what gender to refer to the baby as because I just know I'll be talking to my belly frequently! I also don't want a ton of gender specific stuff. I don't mind babies dressed in pink or blue (I personally like it even, that way people know the gender since you can't really tell just by looking at them lol) but we do plan on having more than one child so we'd like to use it for the next child. So, one option I thought of is just keeping it a secret until the baby shower. That way everyone will have hopefully bought gender neutral stuff already, then we can reveal it to everyone. Plus I know DH would slip up and I'd figure out the gender if only he knew.
I don't understand the whole "bonding" aspect of it. I don't feel like I bonded better with my son, because I knew what he was as compared to how I bonded with my daughter not knowing what sex she was. I called both baby's "bun" and talked to my tummy all the time! The funny thing is, with my second pregnancy I was actually kind of forced to wait and see what she was when she was born. My SO and I debated back and forth for months leading up to the ultrasound, to decide whether we wanted to find out or not. He was adamantly refusing to find out, while I was dying to know!!! (Like I said, I have zero patience with these things) So we flipped a coin, and I won!!! So when we went to the ultrasound, the baby had her legs crossed and the technician literally couldn't see "what" our baby was! I blame it on my pregnancy hormones, but I was SOOOO mad! Turns out, it was the biggest blessing of my life!!!
I don't get the bonding thing either. It's still your kid regardless... what difference could it make?
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