(Closed) Protocol for sis-in-law's autistic son at my wedding?

posted 5 days ago in Guests
Post # 2
3340 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Yikes… I think you are way overthinking this…

I think this is your FI’s nephew and will soon be your family too…he needs to go to your wedding and I would think that if he is having an outburst during the ceremony or speeches at the reception that someone would have enough sense to  take him elsewhere so he can cool down.. I really wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 3
1171 posts
Bumble bee

Perhaps your FI can talk to his parents about keeping an eye out and helping sis-in-law. I understand both sides of this, but the boy’s mother really can’t just say “deal with it”. Is there a family member he is more likely to behave with? ie sitting with Grandma? 

Post # 4
198 posts
Blushing bee

blynnes :  Perhaps suggest that he attends later. After the ceremony and speaches are done. That way you get your moment without outbursts and he still gets to attend a reception when the party is happening so he won’t require as much supervision.

Post # 5
4089 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

blynnes :   Perhaps the boy’s father could take him for a walk while the ceremony is happening?

We had four autistic children at our wedding.  One ran wild during the ceremony, two were occupied by their dad, and one sat quietly with her parents.  I understand your worries.  

Post # 6
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Didn’t you already post about this last week and then delete the thread? 

Post # 7
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Maybe he shouldn’t attend the ceremony if he’s having outbursts. He could come to the reception later if you’re concerned about him interrupting the ceremony. He could stay with a family member during the ceremony and then come to reception.  

Sounds like they are not angry outbursts, the singing and running around, so it could be worse, maybe that’s why mom isn’t so concerned. 


Post # 8
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017


. I can guarantee you that not one single person at your wedding would be bothered by him other than you, because clearly you’re the only one with the issue.

His mom cannot “control him”, he is 18, all she can do is try to survive day to day.

Might I suggest educating yourself on mental illness before posting something like this. 

He is your NEPHEW, and the least you could do is educate yourself to try and understand his illness, perhaps then you might understand how actually ignorant you sound.. 

Post # 9
258 posts
Helper bee

Wow. He’s your family. Have some compassion. 

Post # 10
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some people are disabled, that’s life. I think he should be welcome at the wedding. And if he has an outburst – that’s life, too. It’s the life FBIL and FSIL deal with every single day.

Post # 11
2089 posts
Buzzing bee

His mother doesn’t control him as much as I’d like

As the mother of an autistic child I can tell you I can’t control my 17 year-old autistic son as much as I’d like. He’s bigger than I am, and stronger. It’s a challenge every. single. day. For years, and years, and years. 

This boy will be your nephew, your family. Compassion??? What does your FI think? Would he rather not have his sister and her family at your wedding?

If that’s not the case–work it out. Most people do understand. 

Post # 12
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

An autistic person is not an out of control person. An out of control person is someone who had too many drinks at the open bar. You would do well to educate yourself a bit more because your ableism is showing.


Post # 13
7540 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You realize she can’t “control him” as much as you’d like, right?

Post # 14
74 posts
Worker bee

If you think that it might be nice for his parents to be able to attend your entire ceremony, is there a support worker of any type he works with that could be hired for part of the day to come and work with him? If you offered to hire someone he works with for a few hours, if he is overwhelmed and needs to step out, take a walk, etc. for a little during the ceremony the worker could take him, make sure he’s comfortable and your sister-in-law can be present for your entire ceremony. 

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