- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I remember my first time, and yes it did hurt. My suggestion, USE LUBE!! Regular normal KY lube. Nothing fancy, not spicy heating up or cooling down stuff, just lube! Some on him some on her, IT WILL HELP! Lots of kissing and touching beforehand to make sure she's in the mood, because that will help too.
*ps, get the lube earlyier and have her test it out on her parts to make sure she's not alergic to it.
I think it's between the couple and God. The church I go to isn't against premarital sex, but waiting was the right thing for me.
For now, I'm on bc pills (no plans on changing this!) and condoms (may switch to something else in the future). Getting in the mood helps with the pain. I still get a bit of pain on entry, but I've always had that problem with slim tampons. Sometimes sex is painful too, I think it just depends on if there's any irritation or not. A glass of wine helps me relax and reduces the pain. Sometimes, I'm a little too gunho and am tensed up just because I'm ready to go, but them I have to lay back for a few seconds and just allow all my muscles to relax when it starts off painful.
I don't think it's fair for any of us to tell this couple whether it's a sin or not. It's up to the couple and God, as PP mentioned.
As for the pain, it does hurt the first time. However, it's not one of those "crying out in agony" type of pains. It's really more uncomfortable the first time; once both of you get into it and relax, it's a really beautiful experience the first time you make love to each other. It will be easier if it's between two virgins, as well, as neither of you know exactly what to expect.
PPs are right that lube is great to have on hand.
FH and I had this convo yesterday because we will be married 2 months before our ceremony (legally) ...
the marriage is legal from that point but we cannot wait more than 60 days after the papers are signed to have the ceremony be legal in and of itself.
I'm not sure if sex is okay till the actual celebration. We will most likely wait... but I honestly think it'd be fine. You guys are bound together at that point.
You need to make a commitment in front of God and the public, vowing all the lovely things. Your marriage is supposed to emulate the covenant between Christ and his Bride the Church. God does not recognize a legal marriage per se.
As far as the first night...my hubby and I were both virgins on our wedding night and I was quite nervous about the pain aspect. However, he was very gentle and didn't even ask to have intercourse (although we did end up having it). He was very concerned about not hurting me and pleasing me more than he was about "having sex" and he was so patient in stimulating me for quite a while beforehand to make sure I was as relaxed and open as possible.
For me, it is less painful if I am on top, because I can control how fast and deep he goes. It hurt like crazy, but we kind of just eased in really slowly, letting me stretch at a natural pace rather than forcing anything. Use LOTS of lube! We actually use a flavored lube that we like even better than KY. (PM me if you want to know where to get it, it's only sold online). It seems to last longer and not get sticky. I think we took the next day off, then had intercourse again a couple days later, etc.--giving me time to heal but not too much time to start back from ground zero.
Also, sorry if this is TMI--he had 2-3 Os before we tried intercourse--it was helpful that way because by then he was getting towards the end of his "excitement" and he wasn't "needing" release in the same way as if intercourse had been the very first thing we tried.
We have been married for four months now and if we go for longer than 4-5 days without intercourse, it is always a bit painful our first time back, but it does get easier in time and with practice!
Oh yeah, and on keeping it romantic--we brought little tea light candles with us on our honeymoon and a box of matches--we put the candles on little plates, but if you pack the kind that are already in votive holders you don't have to worry about cleaning it up. Our wedding night room had a fire place, and even though it was the end of May, we still started a fire, just for fun. (Being warm also really helps with relaxing...it is much harder for me to enjoy having sex if I am cold, so I'd advocate turning up the temp if necessary!)
If they need information on contraceptives they may want to go to their pastor and talk with him about it. In our case, we learned what was and wasn't acceptable to the church and WHY. We learned more about BC and conceiving than we did in high school health class. It's worth looking into before they commit to a method that they later find isn't consistant with their church's values, if that is important to them.
I myself have Mirena (IUD), since we are not planning on having children for about 10 years. Mirena lasts for 5, so I will get 2 rounds of it. However, if your friend wants something that does not last as long, the implant lasts for 3 years, or the depo shot lasts for 3 months. The pill is also an option, but I dislike birth control that you have to take every day. I've heard great things about the implant and the depo shot, and I love Mirena.
As for sex, I did not hurt my first time. But I've been using tampons since I was 12, and I had pap smears before I lost my virginity. I definitely recommend that she talk to her gyno. As long as the hymen is removed before her wedding night (which it often is, because of vigorous sports, horseback riding, or tampon use), it should not be very painful.
As for keeping sex romantic, it's not always going to be romantic. Sex isn't always about romance. It can be about needing to be as close as you can possibly be with your partner, or it can be for pure pleasure. And it's ok to be kinky. As long as you guys both enjoy it, it's perfectly fine to try different things.
FYI, all this is gained from experience in a previous marriage.
I guess it depends what the couple thinks is legal. My church wedding is 100% more important than the license I get from the state. The state doesn't even count in my marriage, but God does.
My first time didn't hurt at all, no bleeding. Just use lube and make it as special as possible! Wine, candles, flowers, lingerie- the works!
Marriage is more than just a piece of paper (heck, I had my wedding a month ago and am still not "technically" married according to the state... whoops). It's a committment made before God and witnesses (who will hold you accountable in your marriage). So, I guess I would vote not ok.
It's a sin to have sex and use contraception. If youre are strictly religious, then yes, it is a sin.
I'm surprised that anyone is confused about the different between a legal marriage and one performed in the church.
EDIT: Per your other thread, I think you're talking about yourself, right? You wrote that you're going to have a year between your legal marriage and your church wedding. I think you need to sync up on this before getting married.
Signing a marriage licence is NOT LEGALLY MARRIED! The licence is just something that you get so you CAN get married. But you are NOT MARRIED. You must go to a courthouse, or a church, say vows of some sort, sign a marriage certificate and have it registered with the church / government.
We will be getting out marriage licence in a few weeks. That will NOT make us married. We will be married after June 2nd, when we have the ceremony / sign the marriage certificate.
I think it's between the couple and God. The church I go to isn't against premarital sex, but waiting was the right thing for me.
No comment about marriage vs no marriage and when to have sex - totally up to you. But I will make some recommendations for first time sex. Most important has already been mentioned - LUBE! I can't stress it's importance. I hadn't thought of it, but I also think a pre sex O for him is a good plan as it will make things a bit calmer. And plenty of warming up for you, however that works for you. Along those lines I'm going to suggest something that may not be for everyone, but I think it is valuable for prepping for a first time: masturbate. This can be anything from some explorative touching to going out and buying a vibrator with all the bells and wistles. Everybody is different and you need to figure out what feels good to you and you can get a headstart on that all by yourself.
On the marriage question I can't comment. Talk to the church if possible first to check they are happy. Some will and some won't regard what you are suggesting as ok. It's up to your own conscience as to what you think is true. If they are unhappy, consider a small church wedding sooner and a massive white frock bonanza vow renewal.
As for contraception and first time sex, educate yourself about the options. Coils, implants and some types of pill are regarded as more problematic than condoms by some people but they are easier to manage and more reliable.
As for first times (TMI alert) him fingering or going down on you first may help a lot. Or both! Some women get honeymoon cystitis so speak to your doctor or take some over the counter meds with you - ditto thrush. But so long as you are warm and relaxed and take time to enjoy each other, it shouldn't hurt much. Some women find it doesn't hurt at all! But yay lube. Lube is your friend if it isn't going smoothly. Plenty of foreplay should mean you don't need it though. If you do decide on a hormonal contraceptive, start at least a couple of months before the wedding. And discuss it with your partner.
As for the first time question - that whole "pop the cherry" thing isn't accurate because it can break from running, tampons, or anytype of strenuous activity. Not just sex. It didn't hurt for me at all.
I would advise them to experiment with different contraceptives beforehand. I like Implanon, but it isn't for everyone and it is recommended that you try out the progesterone only pill for a while beforehand, to check for any bad side effects/symptoms before they insert the implant. But they have time to do this before the wedding...
The other great thing about implanon is that you just have it put in your arm, and then you needn't worry about antibiotics affecting it (like with the pill), or forgetting to take a pill... it just stays there for a few years until you take it out, and then you can have kids... so it's quite long term.
As far as religion goes... no church wedding = no marriage, I think. So if they do want to wait until marriage... they should have to keep waiting!
First time... get comfortable with each other first. Get used to seeing each other naked. Sleep in the same bed. Bathe together. Don't feel you need to rush... just take it slowly over a few days/weeks. You don't have to jump right into sex... you have the rest of your lives together! Then, when you do... lot of foreplay, and lube, like others have said!
First times can be more or less painful depending on how relaxed you are, and whether your hymen is still in place... I did sports for years, and mine was still intact. So I can't be much help there... sorry! If they're really worried, why not down a glass of wine or pop a few paracetamol beforehand?
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 89 |
| beargoose | 54 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| ndreighton | 42 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| MrsPom | 35 |
Sorry, there are no users yet.
So, I got this one from a friend. Both signed the marriage license 2 years ago, so they're legally married now. However, both never did the sex parts yet and plan to have their ceremony and reception done next year. Wifey thinks that it's not 'married' until they do the ceremony, but hubby thinks that they are legally married and it is okay to have sex.
Question: Please use the polls
Ideally, they don't plan to have kids until few years later. What contraceptives do you use or tips on this?
Lastly: how was your first night? Errr...both are still virgin and wifey heard that it hurts so bad. How did you keep it from 'hurting' especially if they use condom since they're not planning to have kids yet? How did you keep it romantic? Any tips?