Public Proposal Isn't About Love, It’s About Need for Attention

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Uh oh. 

Post # 5
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@just_deal_with_it:  This is going to get ugly…

But I think that love and wanting attention aren’t mutually exclusive…you’re getting engaged who cares if you want to keep it intimate or shout it from the rooftops?

Post # 6
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I commented on another post about this bringing up the same concept… There are people who do public proposals and don’t plaster it all over fb, instagram, etc. 

Post # 7
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Do you want to know what’s about love? Doing something that is fitting of the other person. Sometimes, shockingly, this means a public proposal. Some people love the energy of a crowd. Some people want to shout their joy from the rooftops. Some people, yes, love attention. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. If these things bring someone joy, why shouldn’t their SO propose in such a way? It’s fitting of who they are. 

I am a pretty shy person. I hate being the center of attention, but I love public declarations of love. I see it as a way of sharing a special moment with other people, with saying “I love this person SO MUCH that I want to show other people.” When my FI proposed, it was done in a semi-private manner – it was a very low-key moment between us, but there were other people around who clapped and what not. I was beaming like a princess, because it felt so good to share my incredible joy with these strangers. My FI knows me well enough that he planned a proposal that catered to US as a couple. That’s love. 

I think it’s… crass to insinuate that anyone has the right to say what a proposal is about. If someone loves another person and they propose to them in a way that fits them, it’s about love imo. 

Post # 8
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

The headline is clickbait. The actual article, I pretty much agree with. As I understood it, it’s basically just saying that quiet, “regular” proposals aren’t lesser just because they’re between the two of you or a select few.

Post # 9
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@just_deal_with_it:  I don’t think it’s really any of your business how another couple chooses to become engaged, nor is it anyone’s place to judge. It’s a HUGE moment in your life, and if a guy (or girl) decides to go all out and give them a crazy, over the top fairy tale proposal to commemorate such a moment, more power to them. I personally love watching those “viral” proposal videos and I can always, most definitely feel the love that the people on screen share. 

 

I got engaged on a weekday in my apartment while we were laying in bed and DH pulled out the ring, but it wouldn’t have been any less perfect had he done it in front of a crowd at the top of the Empire State Building. Every proposal is valid and it is the right of the couple involved to choose how and where it’s done. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Lana_Rose:  I don’t think it’s really any of your business how another couple chooses to become engaged, nor is it anyone’s place to judge.

Absolutely. People need to stop worrying so much about other people’s proposals, weddings, etc….focus on your own life and relationships. There’s just no need for that negativity in your life.

Post # 11
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@EffieTrinket:  The headline is clickbait. The actual article, I pretty much agree with. As I understood it, it’s basically just saying that quiet, “regular” proposals aren’t lesser just because they’re between the two of you or a select few.

+1. I think it’s more like a rant over the pressure of having ”THE” proposal, just like they do in the movies. I’ve read some sad rants here on the Hive from people who were disappointed about their proposal, or had high proposal expectations. This article actually talks about something that exist and that I’ve seen. But, I understood it as a way of saying to these girls that it’s not the public/spectacular/expenses that make a great proposal ; and that it certainly doesn’t mean, if you don’t have all this, that your proposal was not sincere, beautiful (and legit). 

As for public vs. private, this is not a debate at all ; different people, different personalities, different preferences. 

Post # 12
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with this to a point. I do think people in general are under the impression that proposals now-a-days should be attention grabbing to be worth anything. However, I think that if someone does something like because they truly, 100% believe their partner will find it to be the most romantic gesture in the world, then fine! That’s what they want to do.

My DH proposed to me at a restaurant in L.A., in front of 20 of our closest friends and family. He sang to me in front of the restaurant. Did he do it for the attention of the people in the restaurant? Hell no. He did it for me. We are big on singing, karaoke, friends and family. It was the most amazing proposal I could have ever hoped for. (He also knew I’d say yes, so there wasn’t a huge risk or pressure as far as that was concerned).

 

I don’t think it would’ve been anymore romantic for him to have done it on the couch, just the two of us. I loved it because it was perfect for me.

 

Post # 13
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sangriiia:  +1 to it not being mutually exclusive. 

I think the same thing goes for a ring. Are women who get married without an engagement ring somehow more in love than those who have a ring? I would totally marry my SO without a ring… except I know I’m too cheap to ever buy myself a nice ring even though I like jewlery and he isn’t the type to buy me jewelry either. So if I’m gonna get a nice ring that I can wear all the time, SO needs a damn good reason to get me one. Luckily, tradition + the diamond industry has given him such a reason. 😛

Post # 14
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@sara_tiara:  @Lana_Rose:  But they do make it your business when they interrupt your day/event/whatever with their public proposal. Shutting down a street or shopping mall or movie is annoying to other people and can be wasting other peoples time and money.

Imagine having a lunchtime meeting in a restaurant to tell your abusive husband you want a divorce and suddenly the restaurant is invaded by singers/dancers/elephants as someone is proposing to their partner.

I just think that people who do these public proposal give very little consideration to the other people who might be currently using the same public space.

Post # 15
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

You know what I like? Attention. Mother. Fucking. Attention. And I’m not ashamed. I don’t assemble nice outfits and wear make up and style my hair because I want to be ignorable.

 

Post # 16
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@just_deal_with_it:  I understand that this person who wrote the article is saying that an intimate proposal doesnt mean it has lesser value than a public one.

however, I disagree that people who propose publicly are doing it to gain attention. I think that they record the proposal so that one day if they have kids they can show them or when they have family over they can show them. If the bride to be decides to blast it on FB Instagram or whatever…thats her choice and shouldnt be told “you are just looking for attention” She is obviously posting it bc she is so excited and wants to share with the world how awesome her proposal was. I dont see anything wrong with that.

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