Post # 1
This is a bit of a vent here, so I figured anon would be best.
I was really hoping for a drama free Christmas but something about my family seems to attract it. My sister and BIL were planning on visiting for Christmas with their 6 month old puppy. We would love to have them, and everyone is excited to see the puppy, but we are at an impasse as to where in our house the puppy will be allowed.
We have beautiful hardwood upstairs and white carpet downstairs, but can offer a gated off the foyer and a fully fenced backyard for the puppy. We are ok with her coming upstairs to visit during the day (and this is a concession, my cat was never allowed upstairs) but we don’t feel comfortable with the puppy sleeping in the room with them because we are concerned about accidents. The rooms available are either hardwood or carpet. She won’t consider sleeping in the office with the dog bed in the adjacent foyer. I understand that she hasn’t had any accidents in about a month, but with all the extra activity and people in the house it’s hard to say what will happen. I told her my concerns very diplomatically but my sister seems incredibly resistant to even trying to have the dog sleep in the foyer in a kennel or out. She says that the dog has developed kennel anxiety and won’t sleep in there. But they do leave the dog in the kennel when they go out for the day.
So it’s a definitely conundrum. I know I’m being squeamish and picky but when I saw the dog last it was all over the place chewing and peeing and I really don’t want any of that in my house. At the same time having the dog bark in the kennel isn’t exactly great either, but it would be better in my mind then having the dog pee somewhere at night. And my sister doesn’t seem to be sympathetic at all and said “fine, do you not want us to come then?” Well, if you say it like that, maybe not.
I know that there are things which she is particular about in her own home, so it’s not such a stretch to think that we might have requests. My hubby was raised with dogs, but the dogs lived outside, and did not come in the house. To allow the puppy upstairs during the day is already a compromise. Our pets, past or future will never be allowed upstairs. The puppy is a large breed that could very easily live outdoors all the time. I talked again to my hubby and he is firm on our two requests: that the dog be under control when upstairs during the day, and that the dog be in the foyer at night. I don’t mind it if the dog fusses at night.
So we’re pretty much at an impasse. I don’t know if my sister will follow through and not come, or what. Anyone else having fun with their families this Christmas?
Post # 3
If he’s potty trained now I don’t see the problem? Why not just let her know that if anything happens, clean it up right away and if he chews anything, she has to be prepared to replace the item. Compromise? Sorry I’m a total dog lover and advocate for them to be members of the family, not accessories to be just outside dogs or limited to certain areas of the house.
Post # 4
If they leave him in his crate during the day he can’t have too much crate anxiety can he? Would you allow him to sleep upstairs if he slept in a closed crate?
ETA: I have an almost 9 month old puppy so I can understand not wanting to be away from it but a. you’re being generous enough to let them bring the dog at all and b. your house your rules. They need to deal.
Post # 5
She is mostly potty trained but still has accidents.
Their idea of cleaning up is a bit of chemical spray and paper towel. I can’t see my sister offering to wash the floor afterwards. And I can’t see them paying to replace hardwood since she ridiculed me when I told her I was concerned about damage. 🙁
Post # 6
@saraja87: Yeah I don’t really get it. Why can the puppy be crated during the day, or stay in the car all day, but crating at night can’t even be tried? Or couldn’t they use this next week to ease the puppy back into crating?
I think I might consider letting the puppy sleep in the same room crated, but my sister isn’t willing to consider that as an option. My hubby wouldn’t be thrilled about it, and we are getting less willing to work with them given the attitude we’re getting.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Just trying to lay this out:
-The dog has not had an accident in a month.
-The dog will be allowed upstairs during the day.
-The dog will not be allowed upstairs at night.
It all seems odd because the dog is going to be sleeping at night. It’s old enough that it isn’t going to have an accident and it’s going to sleep through the night.
In the end, it’s your house and you get the make the rules. It’s probably best that she stay elsewhere.
By The Way, consider the possiblity that your opinion about dogs living outside is not shared by the majority of educated dog owners. Dogs are pack animals. They are not supposed to be outside alone all the time. Just because you know dogs that lived that life does not mean it is the right way to raise a dog.
Post # 8
I hate cleaning up pee. A puppy will pee on carpet even if it is trained- it can still have accidents. I would keep it off the carpet! Much easier to clean on hardwood.
Post # 9
@mink: My fear is that the puppy will pee on the hardwood or carpet during the night and no one will find it until much later when the damage is done. They were talking about how the dog would need to be let out during the night, so that leads me to believe that the dog does not sleep through the night.
I actually agree that it is much nicer to keep pets indoors. Due to my hubby’s opinions and allergies we don’t have any pets since my cat passed away. As as side note, I just recalled that my BIL and SIL are also allergic.
@cbee: Yes, I hate it too! I can totally understand where my sister is coming from knowing how they raise their dog, but the thought of my hardwood getting peed on makes me sad. In fact, that’s what my sister first said when I told her that her and her husband would be staying upstairs: “Good, hardwood is easier to clean.” But now she swears up and down that the dog has not had any accidents for two weeks or a month, or maybe just the one when they were visiting someone and busy talking and didn’t take the dog out in time. The problem is also that if the puppy pees on my hardwood or carpet once, I will not want her on either of these surfaces again!
In case anyone hasn’t picked up on it, I’m not a dog person, so it’s very likely that I don’t have the tolerances and experience that a dog owner would have. It’s just very disconcerting that one day my sister tells me that the puppy has been having regression issues and is prone to unpredicatable behaviour when stressed, but then the next day says that there is no chance of any slip ups even when the puppy has endured a 9 hour car ride to get to an unfamiliar house with 9 other people. It’s not the puppy’s fault, at all! But if there is a chance of a problem then a bit of caution is in order I would think.
Ugh, I think it was just a silly idea to invite the puppy. I was extremely skeptical from the beginning but my hubby wanted the puppy to come. And now my hubby is now dead set against the sleeping upstairs thing, so even if I did relent… no go Maybe I shoud make him clean up the problem! 😉
Post # 10
Okay I’ll admit I sympathize with your sister. I had two puppies a few Christmases ago (now dogs, lol) and had to sleep in my Grandma’s living room with them. It was NOT fun. I couldn’t even stay at my parents’ house because my step-dad wanted them to be crated in the garage (they don’t have a backyard.) I was upset, we’ll just say. I considered going home immediately, until my grandma offered her living room, which wasn’t all that much better, but they were inside.
Puppy pads work wonders. I would ask that they stay off the carpet (that to me is quite reasonable!) but I wouldn’t worry about the hardwood. Put some puppy pads out just in case and it should all be fine. Let them sleep nearest to the dog, but you can’t ask a dog owner to crate when they know their dog will not do well in the crate. Mine would bark and howl all night, but they’re completely fine during the day. We have them sleep in their own beds in our room at night. I am not personally one of the “dog must be crated all the time or outside” people.
Oh, and as to “Why can it be in the crate during the day but not at night.” Dogs aren’t stupid, they know when someone is home versus when they are gone. If they are gone, the dog doesn’t feel left out. And you can’t expect to get a good night’s sleep if there is an upset dog with a problem that can easily be fixed. Your sister knows the best way to keep it quiet in a new environment, even if that way isn’t one you love. Yes, it’s your house. But honestly, it’s your sister too. That’s just my opinion/my thoughts.
Post # 11
I would let the puppy sleep where you have hard wood floors. I promise, NOTHING is going to happen to them. I can’t even count how many times my family’s dog peed on hardwood floors. the beauty of flooring as opposed to carpet is you can just wipe it right off and spray some lysol on it.
Just keep in mind that you’re more concerned about…wood than you are about your sister and her dog.
sorry, I just can’t sympathize with your position.
Post # 12
@AmeliaBedelia: Agree with all. At my IL’s house we have to leave our dog in the laundry room (which is attached to the living room) and we baby gate her in. It’s really upsetting since they have hardwoods and our dog is fully potty trained, it makes me not want to visit. But it’s their house and their rules…. we knew when we got a dog that traveling would be harder, but to be honest I also wouldn’t want to alienate your sister. Its a tough situation.
Post # 13
@MrsStormy: Yes, it really does make you visit/like visiting less. My dogs haven’t been to any family houses in YEARS; we’ll only go if we can be back in a reasonable amount of time. It’s much easier now that we live much closer, but before we moved yeah, we wouldn’t go home for over-night visits unless there was some sort of necessity.
Post # 14
I’m sorry I’m with you on this one. I dont care what anyone says, a 6 nth old puppy is never fully potty trained as they are still developing their bladder. Plus putting a puppy in a brand new environment is asking for accidents, it will happen. It’s your home and I feel your choice. FWIW I have 2 labs and I could never impose on someone by bringing them along, that’s what boarding is for.
Post # 15
I have an eleven month old puppy that we don’t leave at home when we go away. Whenever we go to family functions for a holiday, we take her with us because it means we will be away from the house for 10+ hours. That being said, when we are in someone elses home, we ask if the dog is allowed. If they say no, the dog stays at my parents and we leave wherever we are to let her out. Also, she never sleeps uncrated, even though she does at home. (Except at my Dad’s, my sister throws a fit if she can’t sleep with the puppy, lol)
I think your sister is being completely insensitive to the fact that she is responsible for any damage her puppy may do and that you are simply trying to prevent that damage. As PP’s said, I would just lay out the rules very clearly and if she decides that this won’t work for her, then that is her problem.
Post # 16
@AmeliaBedelia: Yes, puppy pads are good, except that they gross me out and the dog sometimes misses!
I do have a question for you: why were you upset to stay in your Grandma’s livingroom with them?
You are very right, it is my sister. I feel it. But since my hubby also feels strongly about our ground rules, it is my husband. So I have to chose to keep one or the other happy. When my hubby heard that my sister threw a tantrum at me he said fine, then they don’t come. There just isn’t a solution to keep everyone happy! I totally get what the dog folks are saying, and I’m sure you are all right since you have way more experience.
In the past two weeks, something has happened that caused the puppy to no longer sleep in the kennel overnight. But since this was the original agreement when the invite was extended and the puppy coming was discussed, why does my sister feel that it would be ok to change the arrangements and not ask if it was ok? And then be all pissy when it’s not actually ok.