Post # 1
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel kind of guilty asking my BMs to purchase their dresses. I am the one asking them to be a part of my wedding, but I’ve also heard that it comes with the “duties.” What do you guys think about asking BMs and GM to pay for their attire?
Post # 3
In the US at least, it’s customary for the wedding party to pay for their own attire. One thing you can do as a bride and a friend is to speak with each member of your bridal party individually and privately to see what each person is comfortable paying for a dress. Then, look for dresses that fit the lowest person’s budget.
I know some of my BMs had very limited budgets so I picked a color and let them pick a style that was within their budget.
Post # 4
It’s completely customary. I have been a BM 3 times and have always paid for my own dress.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
As long as it’s a reasonable price, and ideally a dress they can wear again without it screaming bridesmaid, I think it’s fine. For GM, we’re having them wear something they can purchase for not too much and wear again, so again, I think it’s totally reasonable (more so than a single day tux rental, for example).
Post # 6
I felt the same way that you do. We paid for everyone’s attire in our wedding party. We also paid for the girls’ hair and makeup. We did ask them to provide their own shoes, but didn’t care what the shoes looked like as long as they were black so most of them wore shoes they already owned.
Post # 8
We felt the same way you do, so we paid for everything for our bms and gms. Our bms and gms had very different financial situations so what would have been a reasonable amount for one person, would not have been reasonable for another. So rather than tip toe-ing around one person’s finances we just opted to pay for everything so we could pick freely without having to burden our bridal party with the financial responsibilities. And also to keep it fair so that we weren’t chipping in for one person’s attire, but not everyone elses.
Post # 9
In the US, it is very customary for them to pay for their own.
However, we did put price caps on what we would ask them to pay. We are only asking the Groomsmen to pay for $100 of their tux (total cost is about $150), we are paying the rest. We are only asking the Bridesmaids to pay up to $150 for their dress (luckily I think we’re going to come in around $115 or less). We let them know this really early so they could plan and not worry about if I was going to go crazy and pick something expensive.
The other good thing is we’re paying for everything up front (tuxes are already paid!) and then they just pay us their portion. That way there’s no last minute worries about if someone has the money to pickup their dress/tux. We only have 3 on each side so it isn’t too hard to front that money.
I’m letting the bridesmaid whatever black pair of dressy shoes they’d like – pretty much everyone already owns that. I’ll probably buy them jewelry as their gift.
I am also paying for hair & makeup for the moms and bridesmaids. Not obligatory, but I think it’s nice if you want them to get their hair professionally done to pay for it. I think if you’re making them pay for it, they should have the option to do their own. I also think it’s a fun thing to do the morning of the wedding.
Basically, yes – it’s okay to ask them to contribute. But I think it’s important to be reasonable and if the costs go above that reasonable amount, you should pickup the rest.
Post # 10
@NAvery: Oh, I like the capping idea. Good call!
Post # 11
i have never been in a wedding where someone bought by dress and i would never expect it…
for our wedding, we arent buying the BP attire at all… we have 7 on each side (its a lot but trust me, there was no way around it…) we couldnt pay for all their things, it would be too much.
Post # 12
I didn’t like the idea of asking someone to pay an arm and a leg on a dress for my wedding, and also pretty much dislike 90% of bridesmaids dresses, so I just asked my girls to find a grey dress and red shoes that they liked.
Post # 13
I’ve always been fine with being in weddings and paying for my own dress but for our wedding, both FI and I feel like since we are asking our BMs and GMs to be part of our big day, they are doing us the honor of being there and so, it isn’t fair to make them pay for things that help make our wedding look good. Besides, all of them are traveling far for us. So, we are paying for both GM’s and BM’s attire and hair and makeup.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
I didn’t vote, bc my true feelings are somewhere in the middle. I am paying for my bridesmaids dresses, bc they all have to travel to our wedding and pay for their hotels. And I just think it’s a lot to ask.
We haven’t offically decided yet, but I think the guys are going to rent their tuxes. And I’m not sure if we are paying for that. That’s up to my fiance, I guess.
I’ve been a bridesmaid seven times, and I have paid for seven dresses that I will never ever EVER wear again. I just think it’s a nice gesture to take care of it for them.
I will also be covering the cost of their hair and makeup.
Post # 15
On a side note, the two dresses I’m considering are $99 and $139 pre-tax and any alterations (which shouldn’t be much, if any.)