Post # 1
I’m just curious about your reason for changing your name to match your SO. It never made sense to me, and since we don’t want kids I can’t really think of why I would change my last name. We’re not super traditional or worried about what people think, but I’m wondering if I’m missing something? I’m not morally oppossed to changing my name either, it just seems like a hassle, and if he doesn’t care than I can’t really figure out why I would.
What do you think? Explain your reasons for changing, hyphenating, or not changing your last name when you got married.
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta
I have 0 attachement to my name, I haven’t spoken to my father in many, many years and am excited to take FH’s name and start a family together. Without kids I would still want to take his name, take on life together as a unit, but if I had any attachment to my last name I might feel differently.
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re missing anything, it’s not for everyone.
I will take his name though. Even if we don’t have children (although we do want them), we’ll still be a little two person family, and I’d like to share a family name 🙂
Post # 4
swonderful: I plan on changing my name because I don’t want to have anything in common with my asshole of an ex stepfather who adopted me when I was 14 (a year after he married my mom) I don’t want to have anything in common with his family who has treated my mom like crap since she left the marriage 3.5 years ago. I am not a traditional bride by most standards, but changing my name was something I knew right away that I wanted to do, even though we will not be having kids.
Post # 5
swonderful: I changed my name bc I am so proud to his wife and I wanted to honor him by taking his name. I want to be one unit when it comes to starting a family, even if we decided not to have kids, I would still take his name. On top of that, for me, it felt like a new identity, a new chapter in my life with my husband
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I did not change my name because it is not customary in my culture, and I really like it that way.
Post # 7
I’m changing my name because, while I am somewhat attached to my last name because it exempifies how Italian I am, it’s associated with the side of my family that I am not close with. My mom, step dad, and siblings have always had a different last name than me, and it kind of sucked. I’m excited to take my fiance’s last name and start our own little family.
I can totally see where you’re coming from, though. I can especially see what you mean about not changing it if you don’t want kids. If you have no desire to change your name, then (obviously) you certainly don’t have to!
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon
swonderful: I don’t feel like my identity is in my last name. It is not important to my parents that I keep it (the name will end here). I want to be Mr. and Mrs. C because it feels right. My name is a pain in the ass, and even though it will be a pain in the ass to change it, it will be far worse to endure keeping it for many more years. We do want kids, and we want everyone to have the same name. No woman in our extended family kept her name and keeping it would earn me some serious side-eye and it’s just not worth it.
Post # 9
I had always just assumed I would take my husband’s name (unless it gave me a terrible name or initials or something) so I never really thought about it. Although as people have said, I wanted to feel like a family, even if for now it’s just two people. We lived together and somewhat shared finances before we were married, so really the only thing that marriage changed was our legal status and my last name. So this was important to me. Also going from a very generic name to his more ethnic name seemed like an upgrade 🙂
Having said that, yes, the transition sucks, and now that I have a cooler name it sucks to have to constantly spell it etc. But I still love it, and I only had to change everything once (eventually I’ll have this last name longer than my maiden name).
What’s funny is now that I’ve been married a year, I have people call me by both names – even people that have only known me as my married name!!! And I still identitfy to both names.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
The only reasons I did are that we want to have kids and all share a name, and I hate hyphenated last names. Without kids in the future, i definitely wouldnt have! Although I do have to say, my husband and I both identify as feminists, etc etc, but there’s something very cool about sharing a name : )
Post # 11
I did it because, by marrying, I was, in essence, becoming someone I had never been before — the wife of my husband. Because of my Biblically-based faith, I believe that marriage brings two individuals together and that, in the eyes of God, they become one flesh.
I like sharing a last name with my DH and his children. However, I also like that I dropped my given middle name and took my maiden name as my new, legal middle name, thereby preserving continuity of my identity.
Post # 12
I have a really hard to spell and pronounce last name, and my FI’s last name is super easy, so I’m looking forward to not having people butcher my name anymore. Other than that, my only reasons are that I always just assumed I would take my husband’s last name and because I plan to have kids and would want us to all have a family name.
I don’t think you’re missing anything! Do whatever is right for the two of you.
Post # 13
If there aren’t children involved, I see no reason to change your name at all. In the case of children, had I kept my last name, I am not sure how we would determine whose last name was more important, thus which name we should give the children. I certainly wouldn’t automatically assume it should be his.
In my case, however, my father suggested when he married my mum that they should both take her surname (4 letter English name) instead of his (12 letter German name). My mum refused, but it was clear that the surname never mattered much to my dad, so I wasn’t particularly attached to it, either. Plus, DH and I wanted children, so we wanted all family members to share the last name.
Post # 14
I didn’t change my name because it didn’t make sense to me either. I didn’t feel like I “changed identifies” or “became a different person” when I got married. I’m still the same person, just married to my DH. I never really understood the appeal, but I don’t judge others who do. It’s just not for me.
DH was initially upset when I told him, because he had never known anyone in his family/circle to keep their name. I kindly told him it wasn’t really his decision (after several talks about it). His family kind of side-eyed it too, but they are fine with it now. DH is also fine with it and thinks it’s funny he ever had an issue with it.
Post # 15
Besides the fact his name is far nore interesting. I really like the idea of sharing something as important as a name with the person I am spending the rest of my life with.