(Closed) Pushing my wedding date… again :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@rebekahgrace:  I’m sorry but I don’t understand why you need to postpone your wedding because of not having a steady job with benefits…..ok I get having the job part, because you do need some money to get married but the benefit part….I don’t understand that. Your not ill and dealing with some life altering and changing event that is preventing you from getting married.

If you keep postponing then perhaps, you will never be ready to get married and you will keep making the “job and benefits excuse” as a reason why you haven’t and arent getting married……..but just because you don’t have $20,000 – $30,000 to have a wedding doesn’t mean you CAN’T get married. You can still get married with $2,000 or with even $200!!! If having a bigger extravagant wedding is something that you will want but CANNOT EVER afford then why do you keep letting yourself down? Have a wedding within your means!!!

Set the frickin’ date and get married already!!! 😀

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ouch, OP that was harsh. You never mentioned any of that in your post and I think the PP was trying to make a point that if you really want to be married and are so stressed over not being married, you need to make it a priority even if that means sacraficing a large wedding due to finances. Had you explained that you currently are on your parents’ policies and would actually LOSE medical coverage by getting married I think you would not have gotten such a response. 

Sounds like you are still in school, does your university offer medical insurance? Mine did and it was something like $1000 per semseter which was much cheaper than anything else I could have gotten. Just trying to think of other options for you but it osunds like your FI is ready for and trying to gain full time employment with benefits for you both. 

Post # 6
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think this is the transition that comes with becoming an adult.

You and your FI will have to sit down and prioritize everything.

What college do you attend?  At MOST colleges you can get student insurance for yourself AND a spouse or dependant.

Also – $400-$500 sounds like you are wanting private insurance that is AS GOOD as the insurance you currently have with your parents…. that may not be possible.  You have to buy catastrophic / high deductible insurance with no maternity coverage.  Typically you can get that for under $100 from one of the “major” players:  BCBS or Aetna.

So, this will be a good time for you and your FI to learn how you each prioritize and make decisions.  Is there something else you can cut out to afford insurance?  Like downgrade cable or cheaper cell phones?  This is about prioritizing.

Incidentally, I attended a Master’s Degree program, worked full-time and was a single mom…… so there are options, if you look for them.  There  are also part-time positions that offer insurance. That may not be in your field but again…. you guys have an opportunity to start making decisions about what is important to you now vs. long term planning.

Post # 7
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@3xaCharm:  I agree about prioritizing, though OP, I do understand that you’re in a challenging situation–though not one that can’t be remedied! My fiance and I are also in education right now and on our parent’s insurance. However, I would fall off my parent’s insurance anyway when I graduate undergrad, like your FI seems to, and it’ll be cheaper for me to buy us insurance through my graduate school (many schools do offer discounted insurance for both you and a spouse) and for us to live together and share expenses that way. It will be very difficult, but is manageable: in fact a main reason we are getting married next May is TO save money by sharing expenses and insurance. 

But I also think there’s nothing wrong with him being “just” your fiance if you decide there’s no other choice. If you try re-arranging your budgets and there’s no way to buy even the cheapest health insurance, then you need to stay on your parent’s health insurance and should wait to get married, if that’s your only choice. Is there a way to move in together (if that’s a viable option and you’re not already)? I know it isn’t an option for me due to my religion, but it might be a good compromise if you can’t afford marriage. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am still in school with no full-time job and my husband has no insurance because he recently opened up his own busines but I am able to stay on my parents insurance, no matter what (be that getting married, out of school, whatever) until I am 26.

I am only 24 now so hopefully when I get out of school I can find a full-time teaching job with benefits, if not then I will go without it. I have kidney issues and I went 6 months with no insurance  at one point and I was able to contact a charity through one of the hopsitals near me that paid for ALL of my medication in full. The “charities” are just super wealthy people willing to do this for a tax write off.  I know Ohio is not the only state that does this so maybe that is an option for you.

But I do agree with all of the other posters. You need to set a date because in relaity, there is no easy way out of anything. The insurance thing is a huge deal and it could be years that you 2 could go unmarried. I say just set a date and work together on what you can save on for insurance.

 

Post # 10
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rebekahgrace:  Lots of places offer medical insurance to part time employees, they just won’t pay the full amount but you still may get some group discounts. It really varies because some have a percentage cut off that they will have benefits for like they’ll pay if your working at least 2/3 time.

I don’t mean to be a downer but I don’t think you should be putting marriage as a priority right now. You guys really need to get your lives together at least to the point where you can support yourselves and don’t live with your parents. One of the most common reasons marriages fail is because of fiancial difficulties and neither of you have any kind of finacial stability at this point.

Post # 11
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry if you feel like we aren’t being supportive: I think everyone was supporting in their own way; we didn’t fully understand the whole situation because of the ambiguity of the original post so we were trying to offer help and suggestions! It’s clear you’ve already considered these things, and I’m sorry you can’t get married…though since you’re falling off your parent’s health insurance anyway, I don’t see how not getting married is essential (still fuzzy on that). But anyway, getting financially stable is hard–I completely understand as I’m still in college myself so I’m in the same boat–and I really do wish you both all the best.

Post # 12
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

PP – You should be able to remain on your parents health insurance until you are 26 years old – married or not.  I’m not sure if this is the reason why you are saying you need to postpone or not but if it is you should look into it. (I stayed on my parents insurance all the way through grad school and even once I ended grad school until they kicked me off it at 26.  If you live in a different state from your parents, it will be harder to receive care (out of state) once you aren’t a student though, but not impossible!)

I’m sorry you are going through a rough time.  The job market sucks right now (my FI just came off a year of unemployment) and he has 10 years experience in his field!  Something will come along eventually – for now just focus on applying to anythign and everything that is full time entry level with benefits.  Once you have a job you can still continue looking for one better suited for your field.  What field are you in?

Post # 14
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m sorry, but none of this makes sense. What does you both about to be without insurance have to do with marriage? You won’t be covered if you are married or not married so why are you waiting? I agree with another poster- if you can’t afford food without a credit card then getting married should not be on the list of priorities. You need to be able to support yourselves first and foremost. I guess I don’t really understand the problem…

Post # 16
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@VanillaNut:  Yeah no doubt! She’s expecting compassion but fails to mention anything regarding the situation.

@rebekahgrace:  OP you mentioned that you are 24 years old. Thats considered an adult. Make the life choices that you need to make in order for you to get what you want and live how you want.

I don’t give compassion and sympathy to people who expect it and play the poor me card. If you want to get married……then get married!! You really have absolutely nothing stopping you from getting married except the excuses you seem to keep making. Heck, people who get diagonosed with terminal diseases, like cancer, will marry the love of their lives not soon after they get diagnosed…and they are dying. So how come you can’t just do it?

You said so yourself “There is no way my fiancee can stay on his parents insurance past this coming May because he is reaching the age limit, and I am unable to stay on my parents insurance once I graduate from my undergrad” so either way OP, you need insurance. It really doesnt have a hinderance on whether you are married or not…you still need it. So if you are that upitty to get married as you’ve previously mentioned…

“Any advice and encouragement would be helpful. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and not blame my fiancee, but I keep falling back into the depressed funk of ‘I am never going to get married’ and having so many of my friends getting married and having children everytime I update my FB page is also disheartening.”

Then you need to prioritze your life and your living needs versus your wedding needs. If being married is important to you, then head down to the courthouse and get married, or have a Backyard BBQ wedding and keep it super  small and simple and spend that $1500 that you would have spent on a wedding, on getting insurance.

And why are you trying to keep a positive attitude and not blame your fiance?? Blame your fiance for what exactly???

And I really would have given you compassion and sympathy, had you actually been forthright with your original post.

The topic ‘Pushing my wedding date… again :(’ is closed to new replies.

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