Weddingbee boards

I'm just a little stressed with my FMIL trying to direct things in my wedding. She used to be so meddlesome(with our relationship/our plans to get engaged, etc). She's better now, but she's quite a bit pushy, overbearing, and opinionated. She tries to get anyone to go along with her views. What's weird is that she can rally her whole family up to be supportive of her views...etc. It's hard to explain.

I am paying for most of my wedding, and my parents are also helping. My fiance is chipping in a very small amount. His parents are paying nothing, except for a few tuxes. 

Well when she asks about my plans, I tell her what I am planning on doing. Then she seems to change things...get her way.

She wants me not to use the color flowers I want, because her daughter isn't a fan of that color. She doesn't want the guys to have flower boutoineres. She wants me to buy a certain crystal bouquet stem cover and even suggested me not having flowers for my wedding. She wants the groomsmen to have a certain color tie and not the color/type of tux I was wanting.... SHe wants my groom to have a certain tux jacket that we both don't care for(like a tailcoat). She wants to decorate the church and ceremony her way. She doesn't want me to sleep in the same room as my fiance the night before the wedding. She could care less about how I feel about that. She wants my fiance to include his uncle as a groomsmen to make the bridal party even, when my fiance doesn't really want that. She suggested I have a dessert or candy buffet, when I am unsure of that. She wants me to buy a headband for my FSIL, since she's a bridesmaid....um, I would think they could buy that themselves! She even basically ended up controlling where we are going for the honeymoon. She wants me to call her Mom, and I feel a bit uncomfortable doing that, especially since she's not my mother not even old enough to actually be my mother. She has my fiance telling me to call her mom, even. I feel like that would establish a social totem pole even more, when we are trying to break away from his mother being so demanding and controlling, etc.

Anyways, sorry that I am venting. The bossiness is just getting a bit over the top. What I don't like is that when I give her my opinion/what we're doing she just ignores it and pretends I didn't say it. Don't get me wrong: other times I like her a lot and enjoy being around her/talking to her. It's as if I have a love/hate relationship with her at times, which I don't like. It's hard to explain. She can literally be verbally and emotionally abusive to her son in order to try to manipulate him. She has even gone to the extreme of threatening not to attend our wedding or pay for the rehearsal dinner if he doesn't comply with her demands in life, etc. Luckily he usually defends/sides with me as a united front, and doesn't really go along with her. But even today: she convinced him to come home for the night without even telling/warning me:( Sorry, I have no where else to vent. 

In fact, I even am annoyed that she and her family all had to search and add me on facebook.....so that they have close tabs on me....I should put them on limited profile view..j/k

Anyways thanks for listening.

starry

@starry: I completely understand how you're feeling. I have a love/hate-ish relationship with my FMIL, also. Well, future-parents-in-law. I feel like I almost have to tip-toe around his family in order to not upset them with certain things (seeing as how I'm going to be around them for the next 20+ years lol). Don't get me wrong, I know for a fact that they love me like their own daughter, but I'm not sure how much I love them back (and most of that stems from the way they raised my FI and his brother-- a completely separate story, but still.. etc., etc.).

My FMIL has had plenty of "suggestions," but my FI's family basically isn't paying for any of our wedding (which is ridiculous in the first place because their side of the family is friggin MASSIVE and they literally want EVERYONE to come anddd they're really well-off, so they should really be helping out, but aren't). So, my FI and I have decided that we are doing everything that WE want because WE are paying for it. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but other than that I don't really give a flying F what they think at this point.  

As far as calling your FMIL "mom," I personally wouldn't feel comfortable calling her that. My mom is "mom" and nobody else gets that privilege in my opinion. Maybe its just me? I dno. And bridesmaids pay for their own things now-a-days, so your FSIL should start saving those pennies for her headband.

I think you should stand tall and do exactly what you guys would like to do because its YOUR wedding :)